SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

( I had composed this before seeing the preceding warning. Of course I'm only speaking for myself and whoever might also have such a mindset and NOT for all men (quite obviously) or religions the globe over. Please feel free to engender your own mind and notions regarding these matters and just understand that I am sharing as a representative of ME and how many of my friends and fellow guys I've known in my life happen to feel. I am not invalidating other people, or their religion, or other mindsets just because I take issue with this particular one that was mentioned earlier on here.)

And then again on the OTHER side of that very debatable notion, some of us men believe instead that we aren't and never WERE just mere animals that evolved with only a selfish urge to procreate and get all we can and to can (bottle) all we can get.

Some of us believe ourselves to be made/created in the image of God and that we are able to have "the mind of Christ" and to be transformed into a more heavenly minded/hearted being instead of just lazily waiting around for a few million/billion years to learn what respect and real love and one-ness is all about. Some of us believe that marriage and sex itself is representative of an even higher thing and that we are given a desire for children and for relationships that last because our Maker and Designer thinks and feels that way about that stuff Himself.

Obviously, there are extremely varying opinions on what makes us who we are and where we come from and so on, but I can't help but give an alternative perspective and worldview and consequently a different view on WOMEN and MEN and what we're really here and how we should interact and how SOME men actually see women and relationships with them as being actually FOR--as well as seeing what should NOT be occurring between us outside of marriage (adultery/fornication) or family (incest) or even in being single (rape) as right or wrong behavior.

I understand that my archaic, old-fashioned ideas about such things are not so popular with a lot of folks anymore, but I really don't understand what restrains a man who sees himself and other women as mere animals/dog-like trying to simply carry out survival instincts and sex drive...rape is going up, up, up, as is abuse and other related crimes. If we only see ourselves as brute beasts that evolved by being more brutal and sexual and STRONGER than the poor, weak losers that didn't embrace such mentalities of selfishness and other primordial drives, then what keeps a person from just doing whatever they want or feel like doing when no one or no law is around to implement punishment or consequences for just being "stronger" and imposing our will upon a "weaker" fellow creature??

Whatever. I was raised by women, NOT by wolves, and and I watched poor mother be almost beaten to DEATH by a much stronger, more "fit" creature (my dad) than either my 4 year-old frame or my mother's was.

Laws and evolution didn't protect me OR her from my dad's selfish urges and drives, and neither did they do much when I saw my "stronger" cousin try to rape my mom when I was 15. I can't say that the law or threat of punishment/consequences did much to dissuade HIM, but at least me and the baseball bat I nearly crushed his skull with DID.

So I'm somewhat at war with that whole "survival of the fittest" ideology. And the "might makes right" thing, too. I say that if we are taught to believe that people are beautiful and lovely like flowers or a rare painting...if we are going to have to account for our actions and crimes and get rewarded for our good and bad dealings with one another in this life...then such a belief and mindset towards the opposite sex is a much healthier, safer, and richer experience for ALL parties concerned.

And the same thing is also true concerning WOMEN'S view and mindset towards MEN. Part of why my wife left me and committed adultery and had help from her wretched, trash MOTHER in so doing was a seething hatred that her mother possessed towards her own husband and men in general, as it seems to me. She fostered this attitude in my wife's heart and mind so that the instant she was unhappy with me and the marriage, it was a free-for-all entitlement for her to go screw and get all she wanted from any man she could get it from. This indirectly was largely responsible for the death of my grandfather who was being "cared" for by a woman of a similar, man-hating mindset, it seems.

When we see each other and ourselves as mere animals with no relationship to conscience or God or any fear/anticipation of future good and bad reckonings for our behavior in this life, then we reap the results of that mindset and cheapen our view of ourselves and everyone and everything around us down to a selfish, ME-first kind of thinking, IMO. And THAT is largely why men are becoming more sexually aggressive and selfish while at the same time, women are asserting themselves more, too.

I can't blame them (women) at ALL for so doing in such a dog-eat-dog world, either. It becomes the new law of the jungle. And I thought we were supposed to be aiming higher than that, since we kinda left the jungle some time ago--be it Eden or just the uncivilized dark ages of eat-or-be-eaten.

Anyway, that's MY 2 cents there. My wife already saw me as "weak" when I cried and grieved at the loss of our daughter via miscarriage. It was at that time that she left me for a seemingly "stronger man". And her second binge of exit adultery(s) and abandonment was ALSO with a "stronger man" while she reveled in her strength of being on top of her world at the time while I was really down. Consequently, I'm not exactly a big fan of that mindset, let me tell ya.

What happens when SHE or her MOTHER is "weak" and not as pretty or strong?? What does that code of the jungle of survival of the fittest seem to say that I should do with the both of them then? Why should I care for them or stay? The reproductive cycle is PAST being for baby-making. By reason of that ideology, shouldn't I just drop her and consequently any care or resources for caring for her wretched, traitorous, selfish mother and redirect those energies and time and money into more and better prospects for my species' continuation and thriving??

I rather prefer to "do unto others as you'd have them do unto you" or "love my neighbor as myself". I think I'd much rather be the recipient of such an ideology from those around me as well...

[This message edited by Cephastion at 6:12 AM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

The only honest friendship I can have with a woman is if I'm in a romantic relationship with her.

I don't want a friendship with a woman otherwise, my intentions wouldn't be pure. I would just be orbiting and I can't think of a more complete and utter waste of a man's time than orbiting.

OwningItNow, if what you are saying is true then the entire foundation of my healing should be shattered and I think my reconciliation would not be what I have thought it to be.

I used to believe that men fell in love with their eyes and most certainly married the best looking woman he could get.

I’ve never believed that I am conventionally attractive and I somehow managed to turn the term cute into a derogatory 4 letter word. My husband is very easy on the eyes. He even has the nickname “Mr. Aggressively Handsome” jokingly given to him at g2g. I’ve often thought he was just out of my league.

In order to justify my affair, I told myself that he had settled. I thought he had a “type” based on dating history and I wasn’t it. He was only going to stick around until the “perfect one” came along. In the meantime, I was “good enough”, but definitely disposable. I told myself that he would be happy to let me go. So, I was going to hurt him, before he could hurt me. I was going to make sure he couldn’t leave me for a better, prettier version.

I had made my husband two dimensional. I didn’t give him enough credit. We have had hundreds of conversations that have made me realize just how wrong I was about it all. It turns out I had no idea what my own husband was attracted to.

When I met my husband, I was wearing hiking boots, jeans, a plaid flannel and my hair was thrown up in a ponytail. I’m a jeans and T-shirt kind of gal. I couldn’t understand why my husband wouldn't compliment me whenever I wore a dress and did my hair and makeup. I had to fish for compliments when I felt I was trying. It’s turns out that he had been giving me compliments when I wasn’t, but I never heard them. Turns out that dreaded four letter word was exactly what he liked. And it turns out that he isn’t searching for a better, prettier mate whenever he gets the chance.

If what you are saying is true, then everyday my husband goes to work with his primarily female 20 something attractive crew, I’m at risk for losing him. It puts me right back to where I was when I justified my affair. But I’ve done a lot of work and I trust that my husband isn’t trying to sleep with all of his employees.

This world is not black and white. There are no absolutes. You can be attracted visually without wanting to go any further than looking. There is more substance to men and women than what is on the outside.

This comes to us from an 1856 pamphlet The art of conversing with fluency and propriety

"What sight can be more pitiable or repulsive than that of a female, advancing in the value of years, and leaving behind her all of the youthful attractions she might have once possessed, and entertaining her inordinate thirst for the society and admiration of gentlemen."

So basically, if you're not good to look at or young........maybe rich widows had some chance for love. The men could talk to whoever regardless of age. The unfairness has been around forever.

Men and women can be friends. A man may find you attractive but not want to go further. I have a lot of attractive female friends but will never cross that line.

Men are visual but that does not mean other things do not factor in. It is not only looks for most men.

WalkinOnEggshelz,

That is awesome, a truly beautiful love story.