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I love okokok’s analogy of the dead body in the living room instead of burying it. Perfect analogy.

I don’t regret leaving. If I did I could go back with a phone call.

What I do regret is not laying a foundation for a path to reconciliation. Textbook example of what to do wrong. I never exposed and the AP walked Scott free.

We went straight to MC where I was told how this could make our marriage stronger. That lasted two sessions.

Then I verbally was awful to her and she never got any confidence in herself. She was mired in shame and I was in anger.

The final nail in the coffin was just rug sweeping for five years where I silently seethed that she got to live her life, have some fun, and in the process destroyed us. I should have blown in all up instead of letting it fester and get to the point of no return

I don't regret divorcing him.

I am grateful that I have the chance for a life free from abuse. I am grateful that I have met someone that treats me with kindness, humor and compassion. Consistently.

I have two regrets. I regret that I married him. I wish that I had left sooner. I wish I had know what those red flags meant.

Of course you cannot change the past. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Now I know a whole lot more.

I am grateful that I did not live the remaining years of my life with an abusive ass.

In real life, I know three BS who divorced their WS and ultimately ended up remarrying. In every case, the WS cheated again and they wound up divorcing the WS a second time. So apparently they regretted leaving enough the first time, but after the second time, all of them wished they had stayed gone!

In my case, I regret marrying him. I regret not seeing him for who he really was and doing so much work to try to stay married (I didn't really believe in divorce.)

However, life is so incredible now. My SO is beyond what I even thought a man could be. I've been able to do so many things and achieve milestones I never thought possible.

Of course I wish I'd met the perfect man at 20 (instead of my WXH) and that we'd have 80 fabulous years together.

But given the set of circumstances I lived through, I'm so glad that I divorced. As others have said, wished it were sooner, even though we filed about a month after D-Day. And that meant a month where I made things that much harder on myself because I wasn't healing.

Not one tiny bit of regret at all.

My life is better now than I could have ever imagined.

Every fucking day, still, I wonder...

'what if I...'

'what if she...'

'If only I...'

'If only she...'

I truly believe I was being set up. Even when she told me she 'wasn't ready to call it quits.'

She could have done anything, ANYTHING to show me that.

Instead she did NOTHING...

So, regretful for leaving, no....regretful for not leaving sooner...yes.

I regret nothing. Even with the shitshow that is my life at this moment, I regret nothing. I'm broken, I hurt, my children hurt and are broken, but I have hope we will get better and we WILL make it throughh shit show somehow.

I only regret putting up with the emotionally damaging treatment during in his affair while praying he would love me again. Wish I would have been strong enough to kick him to the curb the first DD. Would have saved so much pain and humiliation.

The only time I regretted it was when I found a dead rat in the loft and had to deal with it myself! Other than that - no way!

When dd1 happened wh left. My only regret is begging him to ‘come home and work it out’. Dd2 happened a couple weeks later and I kicked him out and filed a month after that. I regret putting my kids through seeing wh leave twice and now he gets to tell everyone how he’s the victim and I kicked him out and filed without giving him a chance to change. I should have let him leave and changed the locks the second he was gone.

I also think it’s hard not knowing the future and wondering if one day you’ll regret the decision you made.

[This message edited by Reese1 at 9:19 PM, March 18th, 2018 (Sunday)]

I stayed for 6.5 years after his affair was revealed. He was remorseful at first, but was still an insensitive, selfish a$$hole and the remorse was self serving and not real in my opinion. Not a day goes by that I don't wish that I left sooner. My recovery from the betrayal was delayed by staying. Maybe some people do change, but I have yet to see it.

Not for one second. The past 6 months have been better than any of the 19 years prior with him.

I honestly don't give a shit what he does with his free (without the kids) time anymore. I want him as far away from me as possible. That's how disordered he is.

I thank God everyday for his new girlfriend.

I love okokok’s analogy of the dead body in the living room instead of burying it. Perfect analogy

.

Me too.

Great insight!

My regret is ever giving this woman the time of day in the first place.

She put up a very convincing facade that got me saying and doing all the things she liked to hear and see.

But, she could only keep the facade up for so long until I could start to see behind it and ultimately found a person whom I have a completely different world view from and has no sense of values or character.

With certainty, I regret ever even dating this woman.

[This message edited by keptmyword at 1:11 AM, March 19th (Monday)]

Ya know..... it’s posts like this that I love to read when I’m feeling down. My hat goes off to those of you who stuck around and tried to R. My heart goes out to the same people who were in false R, and lived thru 2,3,4.....etc D-days. There is no way I would have survived another Dday. You should be proud of yourselves.

Sure I did the pick me dance immediately after Dday. I didn’t want this to happen. I just wanted it to go back to the way it was. (It was rugsweeping 101) But I thank God every day that this woman has been removed from my life (except to co-parent) and she didn’t want to R. I know deep in my heart I would have resented her forever. And honestly, living with that resentment sounds 1000000000x worse than just ending the marriage and being alone.

Keptmyword said it beautifully when he said “I could start to see behind it and ultimately found a person whom I have a completely different world view from and has no sense of values or character.”

I know I wasn’t perfect in my marriage. I did some shitty things. I didn’t communicate like I should have. And I owned up to all of them. But at the end of the day I loved my wife and would never purposely hurt her. Unfortunately She does not have the same feelings towards me. I don’t regret marrying her, bc without her I wouldn’t have had my beautiful kids. However, if we didn’t have kids I would never talk to this monster again!

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 8:30 AM, March 19th (Monday)]

Honestly, I regret trying so hard. I regret thinking he's strong enough to be a good husband. The longer I stayed, the more damaged I became. I hate that he could do this to me, but I am SOOOOO glad I got myself out of infidelity. The pain is still there and there are times of doubt, but I don't regret leaving. I'm thankful I'm not stuck with a broken man any longer!

I cried when I filed for divorce, and for a long time afterward. We were together more than 20 years. But i have absolutely no regrets about leaving him. I do regret not fighting harder to get better child support and college expenses written into my divorce decree. That's all I regret. Best of luck to you!