SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi beautiful shell.

I was having a candle burning last night, just thinking of you every time I looked up and saw it or passed by. Thinking to myself, please little fragile flame, please stay. Please stay in the safety while the storm of your sadness passes by. Please stay to see a blue sky or a green tree. Please stay to see a smile or help a child. Please stay to make a difference in someone's life. Please stay because the world needs good people. We need all the good people so desperately.

And life can hurt us very badly. yet, out of your sorrow, something profound is possible. You must protect the light of your spirit. Protect it and know that in time it will blossom again. The capacity for growth in the human spirit is endless. We have infinite power to draw on. You need only ask. I go to nature and just listen. Usually I can find my direction. Go to the place where you feel the most peace and you will find your way.

Hey shell, can you check in? Some of us are concerned about you.

Hope you are doing ok.

Hope you are ok; please check in!

You are on my mind as well. Please come back and talk to us.

Please check in emptyshelldad.... ty

Hey Emptyshelldad, just saw your post and wanted to reach out. I am right where you are, my first husband cheated and left me devastated 22 years ago, the 2nd husband has just done it after 20 years. I am right with you.

Come on here, it has been my lifeline and maybe we can face this together one day at a time. I understand how you're feeling right now as I am there too.

We can get through this and we will, but you need to let the good people here who have been where we are help you, help us.

Come back on and let's do this

Emptyshelldad logged into his account last night at 11 pm. Hopefully he checked this thread and read all of your supportive replies. This is what I love about SI - in the midst of so much pain, members are there for each other!

Thanks, sassylee. So glad to read this. Although we have only “met” these folks virtually, we know their pain, and often immediately feel a connection and care about their outcome. Maybe that’s unusual, but I know this SI community really cares about each member.

Shell, you’ve been in my thoughts. I hope you are taking it all day by day. Take care of the basics, you know the drill. Come back and talk to us when you’re ready. We really do care.

I appreciate all of the words of help. It really touches me. I'm struggling badly but its the difficulty in being open and honest that it is killing me.

I am traveling back from a family vacation via car with my lady, and our two lil girls, ages 2 and 10 months. As such I would never do it with them around. When we get back home tomorrow, I'll begin to set up my plan. I'm meticulous about the planning. I have no access to a gun here nor a quiet out of the way place by which to embrace my peace.

I won't do this in the heat of the moment, I just need her to fully choose me and us. To be completely open with me and get me copies of the texts, and a timeline etc. So id know every detail, then I can know what happened and try to move on in our life.

I'm worried about getting on here ever. The pain is horrendous for me, and.... For her too. She's not a horrible person at all. I just don't think she realizes the damage she does by lying to me or only confessing after I have shown solid proof and then only confessing to just what I already know.

But I fear this won't really happen. Its my fantasy land.

I'm preparing my will to make it easiest on those I leave behind. I have easy access to the ample firearms necessary to be sure this isn't a botched job. Then id really want to die lol.

I'm not afraid of death, or pain. And I cause great pain being here. If she wants to be free of me, I don't think she'd ever actually say that to me and end it. It will be up to me to set her free. To free her from this burden. My last act as the man who truly loves her to the depth of her soul.

I love the very heart of this group and of those who have taken the time to talk with me. You are all truly incandescent beings of warmth and light.

Unfortunately, the darkness drags me under, and there is no light strong enough to pull.me from its grip this time. She was the flame that brought me out and kept me from falling to darkness completely. But her light for me is fading, and burning brighter for another. Perhaps he needed it more than I did. Perhaps.... It is the lords will that he should emerge from his own darkness and grow into a man that can better the world around him.

I won't kill myself. You can't kill what is already dead. I'll just reunite my body with my soul. Its at times like these, I'm at my most peaceful. I could just fade away into dust.

Pray for the lords will, be that her choosing her happiness and it being me,(in which case ill be on here a lot for reconciliation advice) or that the other man, a better man than I will rise from the light her new love.

Emptyshelldad:

Please reach out for help. You have kids. They will never recover from your death. It will haunt them forever. Your depression is preventing you from seeing the way out. Before putting your plan in place - make a call. They can’t make you do anything, but they may help you see a better way - so where’s the harm in calling?

Please reach out for help. You have options. You have alternatives. Let someone help you see them!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

Call 1-800-273-8255

Available 24 hours everyday

Please call the Nation Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.

I understand that you've thought yourself into a spiral where there seems to be only one way out. This thought-spiral that you're in is false. It truly is. It is also self-reinforcing.

Call the number. Now. And, if it helps you to call it, then Please.

I am scared

Please keep poating and talk to us

According to yout post and old story

I think you have 4 daughters

Please think about them

Do not care about anyone

Just look at your girls

Call a help line, the police, somebody.

You will not end your pain, instead you are going

to create a pain worse in your children. You have

to be their for them and for you. Robbing them of

you is the worse thing that you can do.

It is hard to see it now.

I know you're hurting but please get help.

You stated "I just want her to fully choose me and us" and that you have a two yr old and a ten month old baby.

No matter how things play out with your W how about you choose those two little ones who NEED you!!!

Shell, you wrote

Found the love of my life

Shell, there are 400 million people in the US of A alone, and 7 Billion on the planet. The odds that you found the love of your life is zero.

Zero!

You created something, and created it with someone. The love of your life is a creation of yours. As you have learned, it is an illusion.

But your kids are not. They are real, and the love you feel for your kids is a love that cannot be destroyed. Nothing they can do to you can break that love. They are the love of your life.

What would you do for your kids? Would you risk your life for them? Step in front of a car and pick them up out of danger, giving your own life? Donate a kidney? Your heart if you could?

Well, they need a father like they need a kidney or someone to rescue them from a riptide. And you are the only person who can truly be their father. Only you. Anyone else is a poor, poor substitute.

What will you do now for the true love of your life, Shell? Your children?

Seek help, my friend. Keep posting...we're here to listen and talk this through.

Gently, if you do this, you are going to leave behind a bigger mess than this already is.

You have children. They need their father.

Life will be a living hell growing up knowing their father took his own life. Without a doubt, they will blame themselves.

Please seek help.

You are young, you have an entire life ahead of you.

Your children will have birthdays, graduations, weddings, and so many other milestones....they need their dad.

You will survive this! Check yourself into a hospital. You will find people who are willing to help you move forward.

Your wife was selfish in her actions, don't be selfish in yours. Think about those kids.

I have to agree with the above poster, my 3 kids ARE THE LOVES OF MY LIFE. Nothing my WH did or will ever do will ever make me abandon my kids or harm myself as I am their mother, and it is my job to protect them just as it is your job to protect yours.

Please seek help.

[This message edited by annb at 7:35 AM, April 9th (Monday)]

Emptyshelldad.... please STOP.

I know your pain

Everyone here has felt that pain and have walked in your shoes.

The pain is horrendous and unbearable at times.

It not about her choosing you and the kids.

It’s about YOU choosing your 2 year old and 10 month old, for you to choose to leave their lives isn’t any better than your WW choosing to cheat.

Don’t do that to them. Please!!

Reach out to the hotlines listed by the other members, it’s the first step in a difficult journey but all journeys begin with the first step.

I’m in your shoes too, PM me if you need to and we can talk.

I love you & im here for you.

We all acknowledge that what you are dealing with is VERY painful. I lost my father as a teenager and that was nothing compared to the A. Especially when you are in the middle of it, as you are right now.

Reach out to ANYONE you know. Family, friends, anyone. You will not make the world a better place by removing yourself from it. Your daughters need their father in their lives.

Are you trying to prove to her one final, fatal time, that you are deeply hurt? Because, believe me, most of us betrayed people never feel that our WS's ever truly understand the depth of pain they cause. Suicide will only make her look like the victim and the end result will be that your children will never feel special. They will forever wonder why they weren't lovable enough to keep you here. They will forever wonder if their very existence is the real reason you chose to bow out of life and leave them behind. They will grow up without dad. Is that what you want? Is that the legacy you want to leave them with?

She's not a horrible person at all. I just don't think she realizes the damage she does

Multiply that damage by 10 because that is the damage you will cause your children to live with. Every day of their lives. I don't think you realize the damage you'll do.

I think you owe it to those precious babies you created to seek mental health assistance. To at least try to get your head straight either with medication or inpatient services. This site is a godsend for every one of us, pulling us up from the dark places and allowing life to feel good again. Does it happen in a week or a month? No. Absolutely no. It takes time and work and none of it is fair. But this deep depression can be reversed. You can recover. A parents' job is to put their children ahead of themselves. I know that is hard when your heart is so badly broken but nobody can do it but you.

So many here would like to prevent you from taking your own life and would go to great lengths if we could. We can't. We can only pray and hope you start to see the big picture, see that there are beautiful souls who will pay for your suicide, and it's not your wife. It's your offspring who will pay and regret and mourn. The sad truth is that your suicide may even give your wife that needed justification for her infidelity