SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hey there, emptyshelldad,

Just checking in on you. Can you please let us know how you’re doing? Concerned about you.

Hi to all who have replied. I.can tell you honestly that I read each and every one of your replies. And has helped through some dark nights. I found some more bad truths after being sworn to that I was getting the whole story. It was 2 am and I was already in a dark place.... I got up out of bed, I got dressed, and got into my car. I drove to the remote farm I have full access to.

I calmly selected a long barrel revolver I had shot several times before from the gun safe. I walked out to my rv, laid down on the bed, and placed the barrel of the gun in my mouth. For the next 40 mins or so I kept putting it in my mouth or against my temple. But I looked at pics of my kids....all of em.... Then at pics of my lady.... She is truly the love of my life. Even through all this.

But she can't be open with me. We have no heart connection without that open and honest transparency. Everything else us fake if that's not real.

But I also got on here.... Read your replies..... Got the number to the suicide hotline from you guys.... I called... We talked for a while.... At this point my lady has woken up and seen that I'm not there. She messages me..... I am now torn.... I go home, we have it out.

We are trying to reconcile, but I am the type that needs to know absolutely everything that went on between her and the other guys. It will drive me to insanity otherwise.

I have never drank in my life. All of my family have major alcohol issues. So I've always been firmly against it. But now..... I had my first drink ten days ago, and it was so nice. It made the pain bearable that night. But the next night I wanted a long Island iced tea and my lady was like "ok this is worrying me, you shouldn't be drinking etc." Even though she drinks pretty regularly. Every night during the affairs. But she is wanting to quit.

So now, ive got some vodka hidden outside. I need something to stop this pain, to quiet this voice in my head....its all I hear..... Its killing me.... Because I know....and it knows I haven't heard the full truth yet....

I am so glad that you are still here Emptyshelldad, and that you have taken the time to give an update even in all your despair.

Please keep looking at those pictures of your children. And keep calling the hotline people - it is impossible to call them too many times, they are there for you. If possible, please tell a friend about what you are planning - and lean on them when you are getting the urge to go there.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to live through a time when you feel at peace? You will never have that by killing yourself.

I urge you to get professional help to address your suffering and despair. You are beyond sad, you are in the dark black hole where it is difficult or impossible to get out of without help.

If you had a broken leg, you would get a cast put on it. Right now, you have broken thought patterns, and you need a professional intervention to help you to view things from a different perspective.

Give yourself and your children the gift of that help. See a physician to rule out physical conditions, and to get on anti-depressant medication. If possible, it would be even better to see a psychiatrist. Find a long-distance method of doing IC or talk therapy with a psychiatrist.

You are worth it. Your children are worth it. Your children need you, whether you can see that now or not.

Keep hanging in there Emptyshelldad. And keep posting here, you are in my thoughts every day. I remember feeling the way you describe, and now after a lot of professional help I have been able to better understand my emotions and improve my reactions to things. Give yourself a chance to get there too.

((((Emptyshelldad))))

Emptyshelldad,

I think you need to make an appt. with your doctor for some temporary medications. You are very depressed and suicidal, and medications will help you cope.

Gently, I understand you are heartbroken, but have you ever considered divorce? Why stay in this misery? There are plenty of women out there who would be deserving of your love and faithfulness. All of us understand you love her, but sometimes love is not enough to fix a relationship unless both parties are willing to do the hard work back to a healthy marriage.

Is your wife an alcoholic? Honestly, if she is drinking regularly, she has more problems than cheating. The sad thing is your kids are living in this toxic environment, and YOU should be the dad they need to step up and protect them from this situation.

Committing suicide will certainly place your kids in another situation where they have no control, and they will grow up living the nightmare with a drinking mother. I had an alcoholic father, the effects of his drinking last a lifetime.

Please make an appt. with a doctor.

You have to understand that you will make it with or without your wife. You are seeing her with rose-colored glasses on, she probably isn't the person you thought she was.

I don't know all of your backstory, but from what I've read recently, she's a cheater, a liar, and possibly an alcoholic. Don't you think you deserve better than this? Honestly, you sound like a stand-up guy, please find someone to talk to. Has your wife tried counseling? If there aren't any counselors in your area, there are phone apps you can use to facetime a counselor on your phone or home computer. Consider looking into one for yourself as well.

I would guarantee if you had a friend who was living your life and this friend asked you for advice, you'd probably tell him that life has so much to offer than living in this misery. There'a a whole world out there, Emptyshelldad, you need to find a way to push yourself through this pain and get YOUR life back on track so you can be the BEST dad to your kids as possible.

You CAN do this. No one can do it for you. Please, please set up an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her everything you are telling us.

Please get rid of the booze. Get out and exercise, it will help.

There must be someone in your life, a friend, a family member, a member of the church that you can lean on. Call the hotline every single day if you have to. That was a positive thing you did for yourself and your children.

Sending a HUGE mamabear hug.

[This message edited by annb at 5:49 AM, April 21st (Saturday)]

Thank you for checking in, emptyshelldad! Been thinking and praying for you, buddy. You are still so young with so much life left to be the awesome dad to your gorgeous kids and to eventually find the loving, honest and faithful woman you deserve! She is out there, I promise you, and you know deep down how much you have to offer and be the amazing and loyal partner back to her.

She'll help you raise your beautiful girls in a loving and stable home and one day you'll look back and know that you were crazy to consider this cheater the "love of your life."

Please please please keep checking in. Live for yourself and your children now, my friend. Be strong and know that your best years are ahead of you.

Much love,

Jay

Empty thanks for checking in with us and so glad to hear that you're still with us.

Remember your kids are the love of your life.

As others have mentioned it would behoove you to seek out medical help. STAY AWAY FROM THE ALCOHOL as it's only going to make things worse for you.

Will continue to pray for you.

You have children. They are the most important things in your life. You cannot screw that up or they pay the price. Put the alcohol down. You know better because of your family history. I was told by a doctor that one in four people on the planet earth is an alcoholic even if they have never taken a drink. You do not want to take a chance with your life and the lives of your children. I have no idea what is going on with your girlfriend but I have an idea she’s been having affairs with other man. You are going to have to sort that out sober.

hi again Emptyshelldad - here's another idea: print out all of these replies to you and carry them with you. Any time that you are feeling in that lowest of places, take them out and read each one very carefully.

You know that game of trust, where you fall back and trust those behind to catch you? Trust us. Lean back on us. Trust in our experience to guide you through these difficulties.

Try to avoid alcohol, that is not something that will help you. It temporarily dulls your suffering, but ultimately makes you even more depressed.

Spend as much time with your children as you can every day. Do not leave yourself with time to ruminate about your suffering and lack of solutions to your pain.

If you can't go on for yourself for now, please keep going on for your children. They love you and need you and will NEVER get over you killing yourself. Please don't do this to them.

((((Emptyshelldad))))

Emptyshell,

So glad you checked in and are still with us. Keep looking at those pictures of your kiddos. YOU CAN SURVIVE THIS.

We're with you. Lean on us if you need to. Reach out to family and friends. Seek professional help. Whatever you do, just keep going.

This is my first post on this thread. The first thing I want to say is that I absolutely unconditionally understand the pain that you are experiencing. I've likened it to having your innermost feelings tossed in boiling oil. I remember standing on a 6th floor balcony and thinking "I could just jump."

I don't think anyone who hasn't experience this level of pain can even imagine it. Unfortunately most if not all of us here have been thru it.

The good news is that you WILL get thru this. Not saying it will be easy or quick. But there will come a time in your life that you can be happy again.

I'm not saying that you won't have some sad feelings and a little ache when you think back on this a decade from now, but you will survive.

I am years and years past my "bad times". He was absolutely the love of my life. I thought I would die without him. And I felt like I was dying for quite some time.

But let me give you a little glimpse of how my life eventually turned out. I was single for a long time. But for the past decade I've been married to the most wonderful man. He's good, he's kind, he does not cheat.

It took me quite awhile to really trust him. We are both retired now and life is so good. It can be again for you too. Please believe it.

Dude

You survived first time

You will survive this time

ESD - please seek medical help. My dad committed suicide on the eve of my 6th birthday when my mom had refused him access to me the following day. She left him for another man while he was laying in hospital paralyzed from the waist down due to an MVA. I am ashamed to admit to multiple suicide attempts myself (one of which landed me on life support for 30 days) and years of unhappiness that my dad chose that route. At 54 years old I found a psychiatrist who somehow found the right treatment for me and, after 2 years of treatment, my thoughts of suicide and my general depression went away. I am now 60 and have had 4 years of no depression or thoughts of suicide and have, finally, forgiven my dad. Please don't put your children through what I'be been through.

ESD, You mean so much to so many people, whether you know it or not. Making the call was hard I'm sure, but it's good that you did it.

Please continue to reach out for help. Seek out medical help.

You're children truly need you.

My MiL tried to commit suicide last year. Once she realized how many lives she was affecting, she couldn't do it. I pray you continue to do the same.

Please leave the alcohol alone as well. Again, seek professional help.

You're going through something the we've all been through. We've made it to the other side and were waiting on you. Please don't let us down!

Just think of what your testimony will be and how it can be used to help so many in the future.

You're continually in my prayers.

Much love to you my friend.

[This message edited by Wool94 at 10:48 PM, April 21st (Saturday)]

Empty, in a previous post you said, "pray for the Lord's will".

So if you're saying this you are believer in Jesus.

Do you think it was the Lord's "will" to bless you with those two beautiful children and to have you kill yourself thus to leave them WITHOUT YOU their entire lives?

Your current wife didn't raise you out of the darkness from your first wife's betrayal. She may have been there to encourage you and to support you, but ultimately it was you that did the work to dig yourself out of the hole you were in.

So as bigger pointed out you've overcome this in the past so you have the knowledge that YOU CAN DO IT AGAIN. You didn't have that proof the first time.

The reason you need to get help is your thinking is extremely distorted right now. You're not seeing the whole picture. You're focused on the crime scene and don't realize there are escape routes all around you but the room is full of smoke and you can't find them right now because you're immobilized with extreme pain. Reach out to someone who is trained to help you find your way out of this.

Last time this happened you didn't have those two BEAUTIFUL BABIES as motivation to do the work (and the desire) to pull yourself up and keep pressing forward.

The Lord's "WILL" is for you to take care of those babies of yours. He didn't bless you with them only to have you bail on them.

Seek the help you need to help you stand up right now until you can stand on your own.

YOU CAN DO THIS EMPTY AND YOU HAVE FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE THAT YOU CAN OVERCOME THIS STORM.

Hi there Shell

You said that you are reading these posts so I thought I would add my support too.

My DDay for 4 weeks ago now and trust me, I was also suicidal, very much so. What stopped me seeing it through was my kids, I could never do that to them and no OW or OM is worth putting your children through such trauma. They have already taken enough from us, no way was that cow hurting my kids via me.

The people on here were and are amazingly supportive and you can type and vent anytime of the day or night. There has been one person imparticular who pm'd me and that person has been my rock throughout. If you would like to PM me feel free, I would like to help and to repay the kindness shown to me. I don't sleep much due to my own saga, so at least you have someone to talk to.

Over the past 4 weeks I have been where you are as I said, but now I have noticed small moments of anger creeping in and that helps enormously. Ive kind of gone from give me back my husband to 'have him he is your problem now' even if just fleetingly.

The other thing I thought about in dark moments was are YOU really worth my life? The answer is and was NO!

I literally crawled through each minute of the day, allowed myself to wallow and cry, I still do. I used to stay up all night watching video's to keep my mind of things, then sleep til 3pm so I didnt have to face the world outside. Not good, but it has certainly helped to get me through the first month.

I began to realise that my ex would not give a rats ass whether I died, all it would do was save him money and a whole lot of divorce stress. If he didnt respect me before, he sure wasnt going to by me curling up and dying literally or just inside. I was NOT going to give him the satisfaction or OW, no I was and am going to stick around and make his life hell in terms of a financial settlement and by being a constant reminder of what he threw away.

I want to be there, popcorn in hand when it all goes tits up for them and if it doesnt and they sail off into the sunset together, then at least i will be healed enough not to care.

Most people on this forum can empathise with you, I am still a raging mess but each day gets just a tiny bit easier.

You are in a really toxic situation right now and as difficult as it may be for you, pack her bags and throw her out, or you leave. That woman is showing no remorse or regard for your feelings and she isnt going to until she thinks she has lost you for good. By staying, you are prolonging the agony for yourself and the wound cant begin to heal. you cannot expect her to respect you if you do not respect yourself.

Please do not worry or concern yourself with getting the 'whole truth' just yet. one because you dont need to pile more hurt on top of what you have and two because right now she isnt going to give you the truth.

the only way you will get that is by her feeling genuine remorse and she isnt going to while she knows that she still has you wrapped around her little finger.

Get tough and make some strong decisons that is the only chance you have of her seeing the light. As it stand she is having her cake, with whipped cream and cherries on and you serving it up to her on a silver platter.

I adore my husband but I will be damned if I am going to chase after him, he caused this and only he can fix it. I cannot make him love me but I can love me, my kids love me and I owe it to myself as you owe it to yourself, not to allow them to tear anymore off our already broken hearts.

Open that cage door set that bird free and if she comes back good start to rebuild and if she doesnt, she was never going to be yours anyway.

Good luck, keep posting and keep taking one day, one hour at a time, but honestly consider putting some distance between you and her. Let her find out what it feels like to lose you, only then will she show her true feelings.

I am sure someone has mentioned this already, but if not, then in the tope left hand corner of the screen is a 'healing Library' in there is a tab that says BS FAQ, click that and number 11 is about the 180 method. Helped me alot, please read it as I think it will help you

Hey there, emptyshelldad. Hope you are still putting up the good fight. One day at a time. You can do this. Do it for your kids. You know you want the best for them. Hugs to you.

EmptyshellDAD

I’m no expert here, we are all here for the same problem. We are all in pain. You must think of your children but also yourself. The joy you can bring to your kids and they can bring to you. The rest doesn’t matter. Focus on that. The little things that amaze children every day.

Don’t do anything drastic. We all know your pain.

Hey Emptyshelldad, How are you doing? I just now read your post. You are so much on my mind! I hope you are ok. Let us know please!

I hope you really do know that we are ALL here for you, every one of us. You can and you WILL make it through this! You ARE going to get through this.

It hurts in such a terrible, terrible way right now and it will probably hurt for awhile, but it WILL also get better. I am 5 weeks past D-day and it DOES get better, even this early on it gets better. I was with my WH for over 20 years, and I truly and deeply believed he was the love of my life. I can't think of anything worse than going through this kind of betrayal. But remember that you made it through before, and you will make it through again. You just gotta hang in there!

I recognize so many of the feelings and the despair you have expressed. Know that all these feelings you're having are normal for this kind of loss: betrayal is one of the worst things a human being can experience. It follows that the feelings from a shock like this will be of the worst kind.

Please do remember that feelings - including the flat, totally numb feelings - are only TEMPORARY. I promise you, they will PASS and things will get better. Even if it doesn't feel like it right now, trust me it will get better. You will feel better and you will BE better, much better. It just takes time. Hang in there!

I'm sending you so much love right now and I'll be thinking about you and praying for you, friend!

Please let us know how you are doing. And remember there are hundreds if not thousands of people right here who are here for you. We really care about you and your well-being. And we know you can make it through this.

Do go see your doc and call the hotline number as often as you need to. And do read and re-read the Healing Library articles.

Something that helped me get through the really bad feelings and the really numb feelings, was that I wrote a lot. Just kinda let it flow. That helped me get in touch with my anger which was so buried. I also prayed and BEGGED for Help from God many times. That helped!

(((BIG HUGS EMPTYSHELL)))

I'm up... Can't sleep.... She's sleeping soundly.... I'm being pulled into the darkness at this hour.... I feel like this darkness is..... Too much. It will infect my children... Poison their minds..... Ruin their memory of their father.... I.Can't let that happen. For their own good, they should be left with the memories of who I was.... Not who I have become... This empty hollow husk.

I wish I could drink this feeling away...but my lady found my vodka I had hidden out on the garage...and she poured it out. I've never been a drinker, never drank before. And I had too much too.fast last night, and she got very pissed at me because she could tell. She's been angry at me all day.... Talking about how I cannot drink, it would ruin us financially. I need to get it together, that kinda thing.

So now its just me...alone with the dark one..... Using me as his personal torture post.... I.feel like ive been hung up on meat hooks and my soul is bleeding out slowly....