Cookies are required for login or registration. Please read and agree to our cookie policy to continue.

Newest Member: Danisam93

Wayward Side :
Please Help

This Topic is Archived
default

Washashore ( member #55301) posted at 4:39 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

Mods, thank you. Everyone deserves the right to tell their story without cross examination from another’s telling.

WhydidI, keep telling your story; I know it hurts. You can move forward from this place of pain. But it is a tough and long road. From bliss to panic to denial to horror to regret to remorse the steps lead. But it is there at remorse that you begin. You see, Regret is all about you (what you did, lost, etc), remorse is all about everyone else.

You can do this.

Kyrie eleison,

w

[This message edited by Washashore at 10:42 PM, April 6th (Friday)]

posts: 93   ·   registered: Sep. 23rd, 2016   ·   location: Iowa
id 8134414
default

fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 4:53 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

Please keep telling your story and posting. What did you learn about your job? Washashore’s advice is on the money!

Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.

posts: 3994   ·   registered: Nov. 24th, 2017
id 8134421
default

MrMagnolia ( member #63147) posted at 5:25 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

I am not sure what information exactly came over from the other thread but I think you should consider letting your BS know about whatever information got posted here. My concern is if your BH finds out you got some piece of information that could have only been obtained if it was extracted from his thread he may very well assume you read his post and betrayed his trust.

I don't know how it might be best for you to bring this up exactly but I would be proactive in this and show that you came by this information through someone posting in your own thread.

The only hope you have is to accept the fact that your marriage is already dead. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you’ll be able to function as you are supposed to function: without mercy, without fear, without remorse.

posts: 668   ·   registered: Mar. 23rd, 2018
id 8134437
default

2018MLMM ( member #63023) posted at 9:33 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

IMPORTANT

THIS IS THE HUSBAND

FYI, she is in full meltdown right now.

She was given information that showed that pos was also seeing another woman at the same time.

I haven’t read anything on this thread, and I don’t know if this has been helpful or hurtful to her. If you have supported her, I can’t thank you enough for your generosity.

However, I am not going to allow her to post here for a bit.

If you are religious, I would appreciate keeping her in your prayers

Thank you

posts: 214   ·   registered: Mar. 13th, 2018
id 8134501
default

alsdaboss ( new member #60126) posted at 10:36 AM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

Phew! Good call 2018. It was getting to be...well what it is.

You are a good man.

WDI, I am pulling for you both, and I hope you are ok. Please dont stop posting. It helps some of us alot.

Sending positive energy and hope to you both.

I am not well at all, but I am getting there.

posts: 20   ·   registered: Aug. 11th, 2017   ·   location: Michigan, the troll part.
id 8134508
default

sewardak ( member #50617) posted at 12:37 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

original OP when you come back to read this, I would first like to offer you hugs. I'm sorry you're going through this.

you've had the rug pulled from underneath you and I'm sure it's the scariest you've ever felt.

people are not who they profess to be. Your OM, your husband (taking a hard but very needed stance) but mostly, yourself. you probably considered yourself a moral upright person and now can't believe you fell into this.

you will right yourself again. but you need to start with you. not your hubby, not trying to figure out the OM. To see clearly you have to be healthy. and you will get there. one very small step at a time.

please take care of yourself.

[This message edited by sewardak at 6:38 AM, April 7th (Saturday)]

posts: 4125   ·   registered: Dec. 1st, 2015   ·   location: it's cold here
id 8134534
default

Wool94 ( member #53300) posted at 2:20 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

Continually praying for your entire family. This is so sad.

D-Day #1: April 7, 2016
D-Day #2: May 21, 2016
D-Day #3: June 7, 2016
Me: 1975
Her:WW (amn8r) 1981
Son 2006
Daughter 2009
"God not only loves you, but He actually likes you. "-Stephen Hooks

"My faith is mine now."

posts: 3818   ·   registered: May. 19th, 2016   ·   location: Roll Tide Country 🇺🇸
id 8134601
default

whiterabbit46 ( new member #41392) posted at 4:14 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

WDI I know how you must be feeling. I lost my wonderful wife fifteen years ago. No, she didn't die, but our marriage did. I involved myself in an online EA, a pretty deep one. My wife discovered it, and life has never been the same since. We still cohabit, but that's about it. We haven't been intimate or even shared the same bed in the fifteen years since discovery. We "get along," but that's all. I do desperately love her and I'm afraid that I'll eventually lose her, but for now she's still here. There's no chance that our relationship can ever go back to what it was before my stupidity attack. I feel so badly for you and what you are going through. I've prayed for you (really, I'm not just saying that) that you can find peace.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Oregon
id 8134695
default

Adotta ( member #63232) posted at 5:49 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

So she lost her shit when she realized om had another side piece.

All those he didn't matter I was left wanting he was just a mistake comments.....

I guess we can just assume they where for the benifit of her husband.

Like I said. Wayward and betrayed should not be on the same forum. It stops being about getting help and starts becoming about manipulation. A form of backhand communication between the two people. I'm assuming everything she wrote here was wrote with the intention that her husband would read it.

This whole story seems messy and odd.

I really hope both her and her husband get the help they need but I don't think they can get it here any more.

[This message edited by Adotta at 11:50 AM, April 7th (Saturday)]

"Try to be better ever day is what I tell myself. Failing is ok. Just try harder tomorrow. As long as I make one step after another I can't help but be a great person eventually.... right?" -Adotta

posts: 83   ·   registered: Mar. 30th, 2018   ·   location: somewhere in the US. good fishing good hunting.
id 8134793
default

WalkinOnEggshelz ( member #29447) posted at 7:03 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

t/j

Adotta, there many successful stories here of both spouses on this forum. It was a married couple that began all of this from there own survival. My BH and I have both been active members since very shortly after DDay. I personally know several others. Throughout the years many couples have worked their way through infidelity together with the aide of this site.

You are new here. Most of your posts have been directed towards this very couple. This is a minuscule sample of what some couples go through. It certainly isn’t enough to make judgement on whether or not couples should be on this site together.

If you have specific concerns, please contact a moderator.

End t/j

[This message edited by SI Staff at 1:08 PM, April 7th (Saturday)]

If you keep asking people to give you the benefit of the doubt, they will eventually start to doubt your benefit.

posts: 16686   ·   registered: Aug. 27th, 2010   ·   location: Anywhere and everywhere
id 8134864
default

mezlabor ( new member #60610) posted at 7:19 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

I sincerely wish the best for you both and I hope you both heal from this.

posts: 25   ·   registered: Sep. 13th, 2017
id 8134891
default

hikingout ( member #59504) posted at 7:30 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

T/J

Adotta,

I am sure you are in pain that has led you here. So you understand that there is a lot of pain involved in this situation. Personally, I try and be mindful of that any time I post.

So, use the rules you probably do in real life..is this kind? Is this helpful? Is this necessary?

The best part of this board is support. Sometimes that comes in the form of constructive criticism. Can you look at your posts and find constructiveness?

I wish you no ill will and if some time in the future you post for yourself I hope you get the helpful kinds of posts.

8 years of hard work - WS and BS - Reconciled

posts: 8269   ·   registered: Jul. 5th, 2017   ·   location: Arizona
id 8134905
default

Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 10:40 PM on Saturday, April 7th, 2018

It was just the excitement of being attractive to a younger person.

Eventually your husband will realize this wasn't about him or your marriage but just you. So, focus on the above quote. Really dig deep and explain it to him and yourself. You threw away so much that you chose to take for granted and to take advantage of just to get your ego built. Your self confidence and esteem are so low that you were willing to destroy others to feed it. Your husband wasn't enough to feed it. Your husband's opinion of you was worth shit to you. So, why? Dig into that. Build yourself up in a healthy way. Learn to love yourself and be enough for yourself. Till you do that, your husband will never feel safe with you. You will be as you chose to be and what you lack is a weakness that leaves him vulnerable. So, talk about how weak you are.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8135070
default

ISurvived7734 ( member #60205) posted at 12:08 AM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

I just don't know how to get him to see that I am truly sorry for what I have done.

For many men, being sorry doesn't mean a thing. It's a done thing...you can't unfuck him. He will forever be tortured by visions of you and OM in bed. It seems as though in your case, being sorry is not enough to fix anything. Beyond that, your kids are grown and maybe starting a new life would be best for both of you.



"I always look both ways when crossing a one-way street. That's how much faith I have in humanity..."

posts: 475   ·   registered: Aug. 17th, 2017
id 8135132
default

whiterabbit46 ( new member #41392) posted at 12:54 AM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

WDI your life is NOT over. This chapter may be closing, but you have a lot of years left to make something new. I worry that your depression and guilt may make you do something foolish. Please don't! Throw yourself back into your career and try and move on. I've been a teacher for many years, and being with the kids always seems to make everything look better. There are a lot of us here pulling for you. Please take care of yourself.

posts: 22   ·   registered: Nov. 20th, 2013   ·   location: Oregon
id 8135157
default

Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 4:38 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

Don't give up! My wife and I are both on here and it worked out great. We chose to read each other's post, because of course we wanted to know how each of us was doing. My wife shared openly about everything our whole marriage. That was who she was to begin with. Open and honest. I was the one that didn't communicate openly and this place helped me to do so. IMO there is nothing wrong with reading each others posts. Isn't that what we need to learn to begin with? Transparent, open, honest communication. We just chose to not comment on each others posts and to try to not comment on other threads together. We read and we discuss it all. This site and MC when I began to get my head out of my ass helped paved the road to that type of communication. Nothing is hopeless. Build yourself back up by doing it. Showing yourself, your husband, and your children that people can make horrible fucked up choices and still fix it. That is what a good person does because it is the right thing to do. Start living that way and don't give in to despair about who you became. It is done it and it can't be undone. That person doesn't define who you want to become. It is time to get help to become more than just a goldfish.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8135547
default

Zugzwang ( member #39069) posted at 4:49 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

For the record of course reading our spouses posts gives us an insight to say the right thing and how to do what would make our spouses happy. So what. Of course I would take advantage of that to keep her. That was the immediate and in the past during the first two years of R. If you think for one moment that R can last on that, you are wrong. I am sure my wife saw right through that. Doing that stuff was just a template. A teaching tool. A model. Eventually I learned it. By doing and living it, it helped to change me. A desperate WS is going to use what ever resources available to make it work. As long as they are changing and moving forward, who the fuck cares if they use what they read here to help the process. I can tell you that all this shit eventually is discussed face to face as the WS gets their head out of their ass and begins to "get it and own it". It is a shift. Being selfish and secretive. Then beginning to get vulnerable here and in writing. Then choosing to be open and vulnerable in person face to face with your spouse.

"Nothing in this world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty." Teddy Roosevelt
D-day 9-4-12 Me;WS



posts: 4938   ·   registered: Apr. 23rd, 2013
id 8135554
default

pinkpggy ( member #61240) posted at 5:12 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

I find it so ironic that the majority of BS come and spew hateful things about waywards yet 90% of them are still married to their own wayward spouses. This shouldn't be used as a venue to let out your anger towards waywards, all the other forums of this site do that already. This woman is hurting and in pain. She needs support, not to be torn down by people arguing and fighting and still filled with so much hate and anger.

The OP is still human. Still a wife and mother. Inside her is still the woman her husband fell in love with. She just got lost along the way. Don't alienate her from one space that could truly be helpful.

[This message edited by pinkpggy at 11:13 AM, April 8th (Sunday)]

Happily Divorced

posts: 1916   ·   registered: Oct. 30th, 2017   ·   location: North Carolina
id 8135561
default

nicenomore ( member #61087) posted at 9:46 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

The woman that her husband fell in love with is definitely still in there, she doesn’t leave. That’s not the issue though. The issue is for her husband to not see her as a whore/ disposable/ used. That’s harder. And honestly? Many BH can’t get to that place if the affair has gone physical. I know I couldn’t, but who am I to talk, I got pretty vindictive myself. If women knew how their husbands would view them after physically cheating with other men, I’d bet a lot more affairs would stay in the emotional realm, just my guess. So back to the point- OP you can absolutely heal yourself. You can become a person worthy of love and affection again. But you cant force your H to see that or feel it. That’s something he has to figure out for himself. Whether your past Love was strong enough to stomach the disrespect and humiliation he feels. He needs to get over the feeling of competition and hatred he feels towards the OM. That doesn’t happen quickly or easily. For his sake, hope the OM suffers grievously somehow, and doesn’t just get away with fucking his wife. It helps, believe it or not. I’m hoping for your sake he gets hit by traffic.

Work on yourself, you can redeem yourself, whether or not your husband can view you again in that way is out of your control. But fix you for you. That is the key here.

And I did leave my cheating wife. I couldn’t deal with it. But I’m no saint either.

[This message edited by nicenomore at 3:47 PM, April 8th (Sunday)]

posts: 657   ·   registered: Oct. 17th, 2017   ·   location: New england
id 8135741
default

IceThee ( member #53715) posted at 9:48 PM on Sunday, April 8th, 2018

Praying for you OP and your BS. I’m so proud of you for reaching out. Keep coming back.

"It's ok to not be ok"

Me: BS Him: xH (still cheating I'm sure)
Dday 1: November 2012 (didn’t realize it was a Dday until April 2018)
Dday 2: April 2016 Dday 3: July 2017
D final July 2018

"He who is without sin, cast

posts: 663   ·   registered: Jun. 18th, 2016   ·   location: 🌏
id 8135743
This Topic is Archived
Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20250722a 2002-2025 SurvivingInfidelity.com® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy