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Home From Deployment to Hell

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Cromer posted 4/13/2018 18:35 PM

OM screwed over his wife and young kids by fucking a married woman whose loyal husband was away serving his country.
I ask you, Who's the real man in this scenario?

Exactly. Thoughts and prayers brother, thoughts and prayers. Semper Fi (even though your STBXWW doesn't believe in it, you do)

RockstarDad posted 4/13/2018 18:35 PM

"She's dead to me and no contact. PERFECT.

Sorry I thought you had children.

Outstanding plan and execution.

imagoodwitch posted 4/13/2018 18:35 PM

The A had nothing to do with you. Itís all on her. Please donít dwell too long on feeling emasculated. It was nothing you did, nothing you didnít do, nothing you said, nothing you didnít say.

In the early days WS come up with all kinds of bullshit excuses, Iíve seen some doozies here and heard quite a few myself

Please be gentle with yourself when these thoughts creep up.

Youíve done everything I wish I had done. Shock and awe.

steadychevy posted 4/13/2018 18:56 PM

I know what you mean about feeling like a cuckold and emasculated. It didn't take me long to understand that it was all on her. But those feelings persisted from time to time. I have severe PTSD and I've never been in a combat zone. I don't have enemies. WW attacked and hurt me worse than any enemy could have.

You mentioned you feel there might be a let down. I'm almost positive there will be for you. While you're on "mission" and focused feelings and the let down are held at bay (mostly). They need to be so you can function and stay on mission.

Mission complete. Let down. Overwhelming, maybe. I wouldn't doubt PTSD. Some time ago, I think on SI, there was a man who had been deployed 5 times into combat zones. His WW betrayed him while he was deployed just like you. He had PTSD from combat but it paled and became irrelevant upon the discovery of adultery. His PTSD was severe. A pile on.

I mention this to suggest that you explore the idea of getting IC. I'm sure the Navy has psychologists that are trained and very familiar with trauma and PTSD. I'm now going to an IC with those credentials including having PTSD herself from her law enforcement career. It's helping me tremendously even though I've got a ways to go. Perhaps it wouldn't have had the same benefit sooner after my DDays.

Just thought I would throw that out there. My best wishes, LCL. Go well.

PricklePatch posted 4/13/2018 19:00 PM

Take what ever support you can get from your service family and from SI. As a collective we have all been in this battle, there is no joy in it.

What a mess her Mother made you look at that filth again to believe you.

Consider getting a new phone that is clean of this mess. One that you donít have to lock in a box and can keep with you. A number that you can give your command.

PricklePatch posted 4/13/2018 19:00 PM

double Post

[This message edited by PricklePatch at 9:29 PM, April 13th (Friday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/13/2018 19:16 PM

Beware that she's likely moving heaven and earth to locate you.

LtCdrLost posted 4/13/2018 19:26 PM

I intend to at least read the texts (19 currently) later to determine her intentions if possible. I might or might not listen to the voicemails. There's an open to dependents activity tomorrow on base where my presence is not optional.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:50 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

LtCdrLost posted 4/13/2018 19:27 PM

It was an audio CD, PricklePatch. Still not something I wanted to hear again.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 8:29 PM, April 13th (Friday)]

Cromer posted 4/13/2018 19:31 PM

I intend to at least read the texts (19 currently) later to determine her intentions if possible.

I agree. My XWW had a complete meltdown and she's still not right. If for nothing else, knowing what is going on can help protect you. No need to respond to anything. Also, I have a feeling that you'll get updates on POSOM without doing anything. You have friends.

[This message edited by Cromer at 7:31 PM, April 13th (Friday)]

k94ever posted 4/13/2018 19:40 PM

LtC.....be aware your STBX will probably be at the function tomorrow to try and talk to you.

Have you thought of a strategy to deal with that?


LtCdrLost posted 4/13/2018 19:50 PM

K9, that's a situation I have little or no ability to control. I'll just have to be prepared for what may come. After Wednesday I'm on a bird to sunny Sandy Eggo for two weeks.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 11:51 PM, April 16th (Monday)]

MidnightRun posted 4/13/2018 19:59 PM

Don't be surprised if she's checking every hotel in the area.

Sancho posted 4/13/2018 19:59 PM

I'd be surprised if she showed her face knowing what you and, by extension, what a lot of other people know who will be attending.

MrMagnolia posted 4/13/2018 20:05 PM

Oh yeah on the Hotel thing...I used to check in under fake names after my STBXW tracked me down one night when we were still together and I needed to cool off and get some space.

Gives me chills just thinking about it.

Shockedmom posted 4/13/2018 20:10 PM

Is it possible she will zero in on your friends/coworkers tonight in an effort to track you down? Have they been forewarned? Sorry to interfere with a mouth watering steak dinner however I think she may leave no stone unturned in her search to find you and proclaim to all that she is innocent.

WilliamM posted 4/13/2018 20:16 PM

She will probably reach out to people you both know, friends of yours.

seadoug105 posted 4/13/2018 20:20 PM


You have executed this amazingly. My chest hurt as a read about telling in-laws.

Since you have filed and she has been served, Can she be removed as a listed dependent? If so would that keep her from attending?

Wouldn't that be a shit shock for her...

Perhaps MIL will keep her busy...?

I pray for you! You are a good man! Now go make west! Never look back! And make a new life with a deserving wife!

LtCdrLost posted 4/13/2018 20:21 PM

Shocked & William, she'll get nothing there. These are not guys who would crack under pressure...

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 8:26 PM, April 13th (Friday)]

mchercheur posted 4/13/2018 20:43 PM

You are doing great. Infidelity is extremely painfully traumatic for all of us BSs. Sending you strength.

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