SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone who can handle infidelity with class, keeps there integrity, makes a educated plan and sticks to it, whether it is to R or D is a legend in my book. It's the ultimate mind fuck and if you are able to do those things in the midst of all that this does mentally and physically you are deserving of my respect.

I'll give this poster that for sure. It doesnt take all the pain away, but it's the best you can do in midst of a shitstorm not of your making. Bravo and keep it up.

PS. The wayward forum ticks me off too :)

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 7:47 PM, May 21st (Monday)]

I have found myself in trouble over at he wayward forum as well. It all just evokes strong feelings.

No one is a legend when it comes to this shitshow. We do what we do, some of us just do it better, some have a path that takes a couple times (back and forth) and they require a different type of lesson. But we do what we do to make it through.

I would say LtCdrlost devised a plan that works for him and stuck to it which is commendable among the confusion affairs have on the mind.

I have been at this shitshow for a while and have been around the site long before I joined, seen some people who maneuver this well and others who I have to stop reading. I will read this as long as he keeps posting :) i love a success story and this one will be that!

[This message edited by Creatingpeace at 8:56 AM, May 22nd (Tuesday)]

I find it very difficult to read in the wayward forum, so I try to avoid it, though my curiosity gets the best of me from time to time.

I have a problem with the wayward forum "Cheaters" also. A lot of them act like its the betrayed responsibility to get past it, not yell or get mad. They've even said yelling and screaming is domestic violence. This is ironic since the caused sever trauma to their spouse. They just say things to set off any betrayed.

I believe people deserve a second chance. That doesn't mean that I have to be around to see it. A WS can fix themselves, become honorable people, never deviate from honest behaviors again. But if the BS is understandably intolerant, unable to get past the infidelity, that's their choice, their path and no one has the right to judge them.

Many of us choose to stay for our own sets of reasons, many choose to leave the marriage and some aren't given a choice, it's made for them, and we can only support their path to healing.

Everyone is different. Thank God.

I'm going to write an update later. No real new developments, but as a friend here said, "no news is good news" at this point.

I believe 2nd chances happen to. But I was not going to be there for it.

In Pennsylvania I was able to get a Fault divorce in my favor because I could prove adultry. If I gave my ex a 2nd chance I could not seek a divorce based on that.

Giving my Ex a 2nd chance wasn't going to happen in my case. I was not going to give her a 2nd chance to cheat on me again.

By the end of the day, my EX claimed I destroyed her life when I was awarded 80% of assets and she lost the ability to get alimony because she cheated.

I feel sorry for people in no fault states.

Second chances and redemption are something everyone should have offered to them. But continuing with a wife who spread her legs for another man isn't something I'm willing to even consider as tolerable. I know many many men here seem able to live with that situation, but I'm not one of them. The idea of looking myself in the eye while accepting that particular betrayal is repugnant to me. That's me speaking for myself unambiguously. If anyone reading this is triggered, that wasn't my objective in writing it. This is not the "Wayward" forum where I'm banned. This is my own thread in the JFO forum.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 2:22 PM, May 23rd (Wednesday)]

By the end of the day, my EX claimed I destroyed her life when I was awarded 80% of assets and she lost the ability to get alimony because she cheated

Holy crap! Now those are some consequences. Good for you.

But continuing with a wife who spread her legs for another man isn't something I'm willing to tolerate.

Understandable. No doubt in my mind, at all, that if the tables were turned, my husband would handle it exactly as you have.

Judge was very nice to me. I had PI Reports, photos, emails and txt records.

Judge denied her alimony and did a 80/20 split in assets in my favor. His ruling found her deceiving me in the marriage by committing adultry. All states should have fault clauses to stop a cheater from gaining in a marriage they destroyed.

Fyi:

What Role Does Adultery Play in a Pennsylvania Divorce?

Unlike many states that only have “no-fault” divorces, Pennsylvania allows spouses to seek "fault" divorces. In a fault divorce, courts will consider either spouse’s misconduct as it relates to the divorce. Marital misconduct includes adultery, abuse and drug addiction.

Adultery is defined in Pennsylvania as voluntary sexual intercourse with a person besides your spouse. As explained below, adultery may affect alimony and property division in Pennsylvania divorces.

Lost - Just finished your story here, and while it's always a shit sandwich, BZ for an egress executed as well as these things can go. Good luck with your move, congrats on the new bling, and enjoy the PAC, shipmate.

Jagged (1610)

I just read this entire thread. Bravo on how you handled yourself. I wish that I'd have handled my situation like you did yours, but mine of course was entirely different and I reconciled (Two kids in the picture). I went total shock and awe, beat the other man's ass into oblivion among other things and narrowly escaped going to jail. I knew him well "family friend". I wanted to beat my wife like a rented mule too but of course that wasn't possible. Looking back on the error of my ways I really wish I'd have handled it like you did

I haven't updated my profile since all of this happened to me as its been a few years but it seems just like yesterday. I'm happy that you were able to give your self the resolution that you were able to live with. It sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you. I think your thread is quite an inspiration to us all. Thank you for your sacrifice and service to our country. I want to include all of our vets here on that one. Thank you

Today was a great day, and I plan on having many more days like this. Myself and a few Classmates & Alumni from the Boat School drove up to Annapolis last night for the USNA graduation today, where we met the Commander in Chief. The man has a real handshake... He shook hands with all 1,100 graduates afterward. I made the time to visit my room in Mother B and visited the Chapel where... well, you know.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 12:48 AM, May 26th (Saturday)]

I'm glad you reclaimed your territory. I live just outside Annapolis and was at Pussers this evening. Perfect weather!

Handled like a fucking boss! I've followed this thread since the beginning, and I wish I could've handled my WW's infidelity exactly as you have!

Unfortunately, young kids and finances have made a D something I just cannot pursue at this time. It's unfortunate that this happened to you in the first place. But since it did in fact happen, be thankful you are able to make such a clean break! Go out there and live your life to the fullest, it's all uphill from here!

Glad you reclaimed your special place, after the visit by scummy stbxw and posom. Your ex will likely feel like a whore each time she heres the academy's name.

LtCdrLost wrote: Second chances and redemption are something everyone should have offered to them. But continuing with a wife who spread her legs for another man isn't something I'm willing to even consider as tolerable. I know many many men here seem able to live with that situation, but I'm not one of them. The idea of looking myself in the eye while accepting that particular betrayal is repugnant to me.

Hurtmyheart wrote: My husband has been with the sheriff's department for 23 years now and there is a pattern we keep seeing over-and-over, just as you mentioned about the military, and that is infidelity & divorce. Nothing gets fixed and no one takes the time to fix themselves. This cycle keeps repeating itself over-and-over again. We know of quote a few people who have been in and out of marriages 3-4 times now. It's crazy!

Life is not in black and white as you have stated in your earlier posts. There are also shades of grey. I guess you will need to figure out what that means as you begin to process the breakup with your stbxw.

Hurtmyheart is confusing morality and life. There are a lot of shades of gray in life, but there is also right and wrong. Some people have values that are inconsistent with reconciliation. Holding to one's values is an admirable thing.

She's also confusing her own situation, where she is willing to accept infidelity because her husband is the best she could do, vs your situation where you will almost certainly do much better. She wrote:

And there are no promises that by the end of this, you will find another women as special as you said your stbxw was, until she made her fateful mistake.

That doesn't apply to you. You're kicking ass in your career, and your wife is at least 40 years old, by my calculation and you're about the same age. You will have you pick of very high quality women in their 20s and 30s. You will no doubt upgrade.

Another thread I would look at it Spaceghost's thread. You remind me of him. http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=552588&AP=1&HL=

Good luck to you.

She's also confusing her own situation, where she is willing to accept infidelity because her husband is the best she could do,

That is a disgustingly misogynist thing to post, french123, and reeks of Red Pillism, imo. Ugh!

eta: "imo"

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 8:56 PM, May 27th (Sunday)]

"Red Pillism"... A laughable malapropism. And FTR, this is my thread, SMS. "Red pill" values and actions are encouraged and welcomed here. Feel free to scroll past if that makes you uncomfortable.

[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 8:47 PM, May 27th (Sunday)]

She's also confusing her own situation, where she is willing to accept infidelity because her husband is the best she could do,

That is a disgustingly misogynist thing to post, french123, and reeks of Red Pillism.

French I am confused why you chose to insult this poster. How do you feel you are entitled to make that statement? Your posting history has a theme, and its not very charitable to the ladies.

Sorry for the T/J.