The following is a more complete account of the meeting with my stbxw and her parents. It's not a verbatim transcript from the VAR, I did not transcribe 72 minutes of tape. This will however, flesh out the synopsis I posted late last night. I had just finished a 90 minute run when I posted last night and after the day or two I've had even the endorphins from the run could only carry me so far. I closed the blinds, did not set the alarm, and slept for 9.5 hrs straight. I can't recall the last time I did that. Today I'm just resting, reading, staying hydrated, and eating. Other than for chow I probably won't leave my quarters.
The next two days will be filled with debriefs, after action critiques and tomorrow I'm back to my rigorous PT'ing. On Wednesday I'm disappearing from this area for two weeks. The Navy knows where I'll be, no one else.
I have formally requested a permanent change of duty station, every indication is that it will be granted and I'll be in Coronado sometime in the next 120 days.
This might be a little long but I understand what paragraphs are, ha ha...
Last evening with a few minutes to spare in the 2 hour window I had agreed to, I called stbxFIL and set up our meeting at a nearby Officer's Club where I had arranged the use of a small private dining room. I asked him what exactly he was hoping to accomplish by this face to face talk, he just said "Son, "A" (From this point I'm using her actual 1st initial) is going crazy to talk to you and try to explain herself. She wants to make this right with you" Alright Sir, I'll see you there.
I drove to the O/C, I saw them walking through the front doors as I parked, I walked into the private room less than 5 minutes after them.
"A" immediately got up and tried to hug me. I put my right hand out and said "What are you doing? Please sit back down!" Her Mother gasped, "A" immediately began crying. Great, I thought. I'm going to regret doing this. She's a beautiful woman, and the last time I saw her before yesterday she was my loving wife (as far as I knew). I admit I wanted that embrace but that can never happen again... What I know I really want, what my heart truly craves, is the wife I had seven months ago, the woman I thought she was.
In any event, I quickly rearranged the seating. I asked that her parents move to her side of the table, with "A" between them. I sat directly across from "A". This wasn't formally an interrogation, but I needed to watch their faces, the looks and the glances they exchanged.
I looked directly at my FIL and said Sir we're here because you approached me this afternoon, why don't you begin. Tell me what this is intended to accomplish? "A" spoke right up and said "Baby, I just need to explain myself to you, I need to apologize for a terrible mistake I made!"
Go ahead, I said.
"It was just a weak moment and I was lonely, I'm so sorry. I wish I could turn back the clock. We can put this behind us if you'll just let us..."
So, in this "weak moment" (I was gagging as I said that), why didn't you call *****?" (one of the wives "A" has been close to for years)
"I don't know. I've replayed it in my mind a thousand times... Baby this was a single bad thing in over 16 years together, please please don't walk away from us!"
"A", there is no "us" anymore. You killed that the first time you spread your legs for AM1c **** ******. (she visibly blanched at my referring to her fuckbuddy by his Rating & name)
"Oh my God..."
Did you know ****** is married himself? With young children? (the tears are now flowing. MIL has her arm around "A", FIL is turned in his seat staring at her) Put ****** out of your mind "A", the JAG and his CO are dealing with him. Known adulterers don't go very far in the Navy. (hysterical sobs) I got up at this point and went to the bar for a pitcher of ice water and some glasses. The bartender offered to send it in with a waitress, I thanked her and said I'd carry it myself. I came back in 4-5 minutes. When I walked in, "A" had composed herself, MIL still had her arm around her, I noticed their chairs were now each hard against the other. OK, I thought, she's going to need her Mother.
I sat down, poured a glass of water, and set it in front of "A". Her face lit up for the briefest of seconds and my heart just turned over in my chest. Damn. I still love that woman. Why did she have to do this? But, forging onward...
I said: So "A", this was a one night stand? Is that what you're telling me? Be truthful.
"Yes, yes, baby I'd do anything to take it back..."
I reached down for my briefcase, set it on the table & unlocked it. I got out a thick ringbinder and opened it in front of me. Folks, I said, I want you to all just listen to me now. Please don't interrupt me. "A", you need to stop lying right now. To me, to your parents, and probably to yourself. I've known about your illicit affair with ******* since just after last Thanksgiving. November 25th to be specific. Someone who knows us both saw you walking hand in hand with ****** coming out of a theater and took a photo, which I received. I authorized surveillance of you the following week. Have you forgotten who you were married to? I then began to read portions of the timeline which I had highlighted in my first readings of the reports. The waterworks began, slow but steady. I read dates, times, locations, observed activities. Lots of cited "dates" I guess. Dinners, movies, going to bars, etc... I read of a trip to Baltimore in December, including what hotel they stayed in. I read of a trip to Annapolis in January, including what hotel they stayed in, a trip where they visited my alma mater. Really, "A"? You took your fuckbuddy to the Naval Academy? WTF was that all about... I read out loud of the time spent by them in our house on the afternoon of Christmas Eve. (from 1335-2115), I read of the 90 minutes they spent there on Christmas Day (from 1120-1255). I skipped ahead to last Tuesday and last Wednesday nights and his nearly 0400 departures on those nights. By this time the waterworks are in full flow. I look at her Father, he's staring at me with what I guess is the geriatric USAF ret'd version of a DS face. Fine motherfucker. I have a real DS face. I put my gameface on the old man until he looked away. (DS face = "death squad" face). I just sat there, looking at the three of them. "It's not what it looks like", keened "A" through the sobs... FIL: "J, I think we've seen enough" I ignored the old man. It's not what it looks like, "A"? Because let me tell you what it looks like. It looks like you played wife for the past 6 months to an enlisted Airedale. A married enlisted man with young kids. WTF is wrong with you? "A": "I don't know!" If that's not what it was then you tell me, right now, what it was! Just unintelligible sounds through the sobs. I now placed 25 photographs on the table, I have none in my possession of a sexually explicit nature, but many are extremely incriminating). Her Father's full attention is on them, he picks a few up to examine.
"A": "Please please please don't give up on us, how can you just walk away from 16 years together?" A, that's exactly what you did. You walked away from our marriage straight into another man's bed. I looked at my MIL, "M", did you tell "A" about the tape you made me play for you on Friday? The one made in our bedroom, in our house? "M": "No." You should have. "A", how many times did you bring ****** into our house? I have a good idea, at least since the 1st week in December, but what I don't know is how many times you fucked him in our bed. Please, enlighten me. How many times did you fuck ****** in what was our martial bed? "A" began short, shallow breaths, she went into hyperventilation right in front of me. I watched her closely & observed there was actual respiration taking place. I gathered the photos, put them and the ring binder back in my briefcase. and got up from the table. I said "A" I don't have the the words to express the regret I have that our marriage came to this." Through her hyperventilating "A's" eyes were on mine. She heard me. I said, Goodbye, "A". I nodded at her Mother, who looked absolutely shell shocked, and I walked out of the room. Her Father followed me out. He extended his hand and thanked me for coming, I acknowledged that and told him any further communication needs to be through counsel. He asked: "So there's no chance at all, J? Married couples have gotten past worse than this." No sir, there's not. I've requested PCS and I want this part of my life over with and behind me ASAP. He did inform me that "A" will be living with them for the time being, she's requesting a sabbatical from her job.
So now it's in the hands of the lawyers and the civil courts of this state. There are no kids involved, she earns a higher base salary than I do and her retirement is equal to if not better than mine so I'm going for no spousal support and for neither of our retirements to be involved in the dissolution of the marriage. I'm willing to let her remain in the house as long as she'd like, then have it sold, proceeds to be split equally. My attorney is aware I paid off the mortgage with an inheritance I received several years ago so I'll see where that path leads.
Folks, I'm going to take a short break but I'll read any & all comments and I will be back here tomorrow when I'm able.
Be well and take care. - LCDR Lost.
[This message edited by LtCdrLost at 1:53 PM, September 11th (Tuesday)]
