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SkiingInWY (original poster new member #64346) posted at 9:00 PM on Sunday, July 8th, 2018
My wife had an affair and I cannot decide what to do next. I am about 80 percent certain I do not want recovery or R but I do not want to D just yet because I don't want to move out of the house because of my kids.
Does dating someone else usually kill all chances of recovery or R ?
Does anyone have any experience with dating after an affair but before the relationship status is resolved ?
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:13 PM on Sunday, July 8th, 2018
Do not jump into a R or dating.
First you are in flux state and could be unfair for the other parties you date.
Second - you won’t know what you want 💯% for awhile. IF you decide to try R you now have added more pain to the situation by having a rebound A. It never works out.
Read about the mad hatters on the other forums here. Lots of regrets. Doesn’t help the situation.
Don’t date until you are sure you are D and even then, keep it to yourself.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Jduff ( member #41988) posted at 9:27 PM on Sunday, July 8th, 2018
You need to ask your attorney what the ramifications will be to your chances of getting a favorable custody. I myself don't think it would be a good idea.
The grass is always greener.... where the dogs are shitting.
-Soundgarden
pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 1:12 AM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
I don't think it would be fair to the other person when you don't know if you are going to R. R is hard enough work without adding more issues.
Are you talking about staying in Limbo and dating someone?
Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.
WhoTheBleep ( member #49504) posted at 3:39 AM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
Oh goodness, please don't date right now. Not fair to the dating pool of women, and not fair to yourself. Isn't your life Complicated enough right now? A new girl will not heal you. Focus on just you. It is a process. A slow one. Don't rush it.
I believe we have two lives: the one we learn with, and the one we live with after that. --The Natural
PurpleHaze ( member #63505) posted at 4:02 AM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
Please just don't. Don't for yourself. After Dday I was in shock as many are. The only thing this would do is confuse you and lay another huge thing on your own shoulders. Stop and breathe which is so very hard to do.
If in 6 or more months you decide it is time to date, ok, give it a shot. Right now, just breathe, post here, express yourself freely, openly and honestly. Dating now might not hurt you, but it might hurt an innocent person.
Try to stay out of the rabbit hole!
DarkHoleHeart ( member #58272) posted at 6:07 AM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
Hm, I think that "dating during recovery or R" is called "cheating".
T/J. I'm having STRONG MM42 deja-vu.
@DDay#1:Me: BS, 40; Her: WW, 32; M: 10y, in relationship 15y, 3DD (8,8,6)
Dday#1: 2016; Dday#2: 2017 Dday#3: probably ~2025 Aug
4 APs that I know of.
On the way to divorce.
Tren0R201 ( member #39633) posted at 6:43 AM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
It's called cheating. Dress it up anyway you want.
Why not have the courage of your convictions and just divorce. Sooner or later you're going to have to bite the bullet so to speak.
oldtruck ( member #62540) posted at 12:45 PM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
Married people do not have BF/GF
Separated people are still married
Divorce, then date
You can even tell your WW that you may want
to date her after the divorce, you will not be the
first BH to do this, or be the last
It takes a lot of time to heal from infideity
LivingWithPain ( member #60578) posted at 7:24 PM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
Divorce first, then date.
Do not lose your moral high ground.
Me - 39; WW - 36
Married 13 years
1 Adopted Son age 18
Still married and living together: attempting to reconcile.
cobalt77 ( member #62279) posted at 7:31 PM on Monday, July 9th, 2018
I wish I did, and I wish I could have had the opportunity to do so. I definitely do not advocate cheating on an innocent undeserving person, but my XBF, after I already had more than enough reason to suspect stuff and believe he was cheating? Absolutely I regret not revenge cheating. Especially since the cat's out of the bag that he conceived a child by somebody else 5 months before we broke up.
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