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Is it common for AP to get jealous of BH ? What are the usual outcomes of this ?

Are all APs pieces of shit or are there some that actually love the WS ?

WH didn't think about MOW's BH. He didn't figure in the affair and he didn't meet him. Wasn't concerned about staying at MOW's house either (when BH was working abroad), sleeping with MOW there, eating BH's breakfast stuff, sitting on his sofa. Nope. Said he simply didn't think about him. The affair was in a box and unconnected with the rest of his life.

MOW was jealous of me though. But only because she wanted WH full time and so she tried to be like me - even though she didn't know me.

But the funny thing was, WH did love her. He said that because it was an affair, jealousy would spoil the time they had together. And that when MOW showed her jealousy, it "belittled her".

My wife had her affair with her ex-girlfriend. And yes, my wife told me that her ex was jealous that my wife had become a wonderful home gardener/landscaper. She bemoaned that my wife never did anything with the large yard their home sat on, but my wife reminded her that work, and their party life-style didn't leave much time. She also reminded her ex that her ex's two sons were never compliant with requests for help with the yard. My wife says her ex didn't remember it that way. I guess her memory of many things from their life together differed from my wife's memory. Interesting. I guess her ex actually said she wished my wife had been that responsible when they were together. Ha! I would love to tell her how many years of patience it took for me to help my wife overcome the years of dysfunction she and her ex spent not growing up!

My wife also says almost every time that my wife had to leave her ex would whine or beg and say she wished she didn't have to go home. This is one thing my wife never relented on: she had warned her ex/AP from the beginning that their little A was not going to turn into anything, and that she loved me and would always go home. One night her ex even pointed to a waterfront hotel near the restaurant where they hung out the most, and asked if they could spend the night together, just so my wife wouldn't have to go home! I believe she was having regrets that she screwed up when she kicked my wife out during a very difficult time in my wife's life. The ex/AP is all alone, living with her elderly mother (can't afford to live on her own now), while me and my wife (her ex!) have a lovely grandma garden and a house that is not in foreclosure. I think she is jealous and I think she thought she just might have a shot at getting my wife back when my wife began seeing her. She had no idea that she was my wife's escape to her irresponsible past, an escape that was never meant to be permanent. The ex just happened to be the person my wife knew would never challenge her or confront her about the issues she was running from.

Yes, they always affair down . . .

My WH was jealous of his AP’s bf. I guess the outcome was he doubled down on the A and tried to keep her close, while belittling and insulting her bf. She did the same regarding me. Basically the whole A was a chance for them to be more miserable than ever before, and egg each other on about how much we deserved the sucky way they were treating us. It was gross.

They never met, or spoke to one another outside of a single text that the bf sent my WH. WH was the one who ended the A, and a few months later AP and the bf split up, so there were no other consequences.

As for your other question, it depends on your definition of love.

My WH thinks he loved his AP but at no point did he do what was best for her. He just used her up and disposed of her. He had very strong feelings and he wanted her to be safe and happy, but much more than that he wanted her to tell him he was awesome and make him feel desirable and special.

To me that is not love, it’s not even friendship. Is he a terrible awful person? Sometimes. But the better you know someone the more shades you see in their personality, that they have good points as well as bad. WH didn’t set out to hurt his AP or me or the bf he hated or himself. But he did do all those things, and that wasn’t very loving of him.

If it is an A where the AP wants to end up living or M, then I would guess there would be jealousy and resentment against the BS.

But if it is no strings attached type of A, then I would assume there is no leakiest or resentment. Because there is no “relationship “ or end result.

I don’t know if the OW #2 was jealous of me but she certainly wanted to end the M so she was no longer the OW.

OW#1 was willing to wait - and that EA was 4 years. However my H did not love her. But she was madly in love with him and I knew it from the first moment I met her.

My wh never considered the bh. He had met him once and that was all. He was very happy that the cow was married, because he thought it was a safer situation. Spoiler alert: nope.

Wh is successful and bh has chosen a great profession that doesn’t pay great - teaching. He gets to be home more with 4 kids and the cow has all kinds of time to screw her boss under the noble excuse of “working late”.

Cow wanted my life, my wh did not want her bh’s life. I felt bad for the bh for about 5 minutes, then found out that he had been the AP while cow was married to his brother, so he was pretty scummy too. But wh said that he rarely ever considered the bh - which corresponds to how he thought of no one but himself during the affair. He didn’t even really like the cow, or her life, or her prospects, or her work abilities. He went super low with that choice. Super low. She thought she was blowing an atm. Bad choices all around.

According to my fWS, his AP used to try and bring me up and goad him into talking about me. He swears he would shut it down, because it was easier (for him) to try to/want to keep things completely separate. However AP wanted to hear about all the ways that I was a bad wife -- and fWS says now (and then) that honestly there wasn't a ton to complain about, he just felt like we had "grown apart," and I was "miserable all the time." (Gee, could the fact that I had just quit my job -- which I loved -- to become a full-time SAHM, and WS was NEVER home and I felt so disconnected from him, but had a newborn taking up my time have something to do with it????? )

Anyways, once I kicked WS out, his AP was suddenly super jealous and no longer wanted to talk about me at all. Ha ha ha ha!

That "affair down" article is so true. I think she thought all she had to do was be the fun girlfriend, and that he would somehow want to marry her. Living with her, he quickly realized that ALL she wanted to do was party/drink/go on vacations he couldn't afford. So now he was broke, had his kids on the weekend, and was living with an AP that would complain about him doing those things, and any mention of me resulted in a fight. So yeah, I think she was jealous.

And I don't think she sees the situation for what it really is even now. She tried her best, he ended things with her, and somehow she's the one that's been wronged in all of this.

[This message edited by ibonnie at 8:30 AM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

According to my WH, his AP was always jealous of me and DDs.

Basically [allegedly] she wanted to leave her 20+ year relationship and have WH abandon his 20+ year relationship and they live happily ever after blah blah blah.

Oversimplified - I stood in the way of what she wanted.

She was [allegedly] willing to throw her life/family away and my WH [allegedly] told her "I'll never leave my wife and family".

Please note my over use of the word allegedly

Is it common for AP to get jealous of BH ? What are the usual outcomes of this ?

I think it is very common, but not always the case. Surely we can all recall cases where the AP murdered the spouse, or another SO involved with the person they want for themselves. That is extreme, but I'm just saying that many are jealous. I'm pretty sure the whore from my situation was jealous of me when she realized he was not going to dump me for her as he probably led her to believe. Another wanna-be OW/Stalker was definitely jealous of me. Hopefully after all these years she is over it, but one never knows.

Are all APs pieces of shit or are there some that actually love the WS ?

This is one of those questions that has no answer. Maybe I'm misinterpreting your question but it seems like suggesting that if the AP actually loved the married person then they are not necessarily a POS. I think some are POS and truly loved the person, and some are not permanently a POS whether or not they loved the married person.

To take it a step further, we need to define love. IMO, love is from the perspective of the person expressing it. In other words, if somebody says they love somebody it is REAL unless they are consciously and intentionally lying about it for some other gain or manipulation. Therefore most affair love is "real" if the partners say they love each other at any point. Maybe not what we want to hear, but that is my opinion and what I see as facing reality.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 8:50 AM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

Its competition....and they are out to win....

They are all consumed in the fantasy unicorn story....they are in denial and fog...they do believe its love, or they are special...

Exactly what does an AP do, that is right, or acceptable? Its typical of an asshat. I can find nothing right about AP.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 8:51 AM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

My H knew his AP H and they actually spent time together, but my H thought he was a moron. He was not jealous of him at all, and never really gave two shits about what was going on with his AP and her BH. It used to piss off his AP because my H didn't care. She was trying to make my H jealous so he would get to the point where he would leave me for her.

She was jealous of me because she wanted my life and my H. My H never really tried to make "special" time for her. He saw her at work and they would screw on their lunch hour. (Yeah, just like fucking 16 year olds,,,) But that was it. He always left at 5:00 to come home to me. He never even took her out for a nice dinner and she HATE that. My H was really in it for the ego kibbles and validation. The sex, though infrequent, was an added bonus to the ego stroking.

And YES. All AP's are pieces of SHIT. Someone that is healthy with integrity, morals and values does NOT fuck a married person. My husband was a broken piece of shit too, otherwise he would have never looked twice at her.

Yes, she was very jealous of me. She is not a good person at all

I skipped over the "did the AP love my fWW?" . . .

One would think so by all the times she told my wife she loved her, missed her, was so glad to have her back in her life! She even told my wife that she believed they were always meant to be in each other's lives! (To the AP I say "back off" and "go f* yourself.") Did AP ever understand what love is? I think she had no clue . . . it was always all about her, just like the A was all about my fWW.

I have read countless stories where the OM had the

WW stop having sex with her BH during the affair.

Was it jealousy?

The OM on an ego trip?

Did it make the OM feel special in a perverted way

that he had the WW be faithful to him completely is

why the OM had the WW cut off sex with her BH?

Two OWs and zero BHs for my H’s As. One BW, briefly, but they were already in the process of divorcing so she obviously didn’t matter to him.

I’m pretty certain they weren’t jealous of me - to them, he was at best, neutral, when he spoke of me, but sometimes critical or disdainful of me, so there was no reason for any of them to see me as a person at all. (My husband forgot my birthday and then told OW2; I always suspect she enjoyed hearing how inconsequential I was to him.) If they even thought about it, I and our children were just annoyances to be dealt with before they could proceed.

My H believed he loved OW1, and told her so, but he did not say or feel that way toward OW2. Both OWs wanted him to D me, and briefly, he did intend to leave me for OW1. Once he realized that wasn’t going to work out, he figured he’d stay married and he’d have her as a side chick, which I suppose would have made staying with me bearable.

Oldtruck, I’ve seen that, too. I suppose an AP who thinks s/he is in love with another person’s spouse would be jealous of the time the WS “had to” spend with BS (for appearances, of course), but I’m sure others would get off on the control.

[This message edited by BlueIris at 5:09 PM, July 25th (Wednesday)]

I think a lot of APs think they're in love.

Most have low self esteem.

They already *know* they're second, with a liar and they've embraced that position.

So it's not surprising that many are going to be jealous of the BS.

So without going into the history of my A, I’ll say as an AP, I loved my AP and I loved his wife. I still love both of them and immeasurably regret my choice to accept AP’s advances. But I can’t take it back so onward I go.

In reflection, yes, I think there was a bit of jealousy about his wife but I was cognisent enough to know that was my own issue. I thought we were in love and I wanted him to decide how it would end. And when she found out, he chose her. It was the right choice. I was mad and sad and broken over it bc I thought our love was real and destiny and all the things it wasn’t.

During our A, we never shit talked our spouses. Honestly, he was defensive for mine and was for his. Or at least we tried to present a way in which they could have viewed it from the others perspective. And no, I didn’t and don’t feel like a martyr for that. I guess that’s what happens tho when you’re a complete moron and have an A with a friend that has known you and your entire family for more than half your life. Their kid had a bday party this past weekend. I’m so sad I ruined that friendship for my kids. Onward forward. Onward forward.

Is it common for AP to get jealous of BH ? What are the usual outcomes of this ?

Yes, my XWW’s adultery guy was very jealous of me, especially so after D-day when she told him she wanted to reconcile with me.

He was angry at her and subsequently played the depressed and suicidal bit in an attempt to keep her smitten with his bullshit.

Are all APs pieces of shit or are there some that actually love the WS?

He is an utter and complete piece of shit.

He loved being able to manipulate my pathetically weak XWW into complete obedience with cheap compliments that meant life to her.

She said he wanted to marry her yet he didn’t give a shit about our kids and made it clear he wanted nothing to do with them.

The talk of marriage was simply a desperate attempt to up the dopamine dosage after D-day because the “affair” had been exposed as the cheap and gross sex-for-compliments arrangement that it was.

He was pulling the last cards in order to keep control over her child-like mind - and it pretty much worked for several more months.

The realization that this is who my XWW destroyed her family, marriage, children’s foundation, integrity, and dignity for, still boggles the mind.

I think AP was jealous, otherwise why try and split us up? She got upset that fwh was still having sex with me. Sorry for ruining your fun, sweetie She got upset that fwh bought me a new bike so that I could get to work after my op. Not sure why that rattled her cage.

Did AP actually love fwh? I've pondered this. Since she is the one that broke NC I can only conclude that no, she didn't. If she actually cared she wouldn't have got someone else to write the address on the letter so he was fooled into opening it. If she actually cared about his welfare she would just have left us alone. It's all about her. The whole thing was from the start.