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I’ve been on SI for a year. I thought I had a very weird and unique story when My WW (35 at the time) slept with a 60 year old OM/AP. But I’m starting see more and more stories where WS’s cheat with much older people. I’m not one to judge who you “fall” into love with but what could a 35 and 60 year old have in common? My XFIL is 61.....so AP could be her Dad. I dunno that is just super weird and really gross to me. Again, I know you can’t help who you are attracted to and maybe I’m being shallow. I dunno....just such a weird and f*cked up story.

For the record, XWW did not stay with AP. It was an Exit Affair.

Sorry just random thoughts.....

[This message edited by SuperDaddy1027 at 3:48 PM, August 9th (Thursday)]

father issues

gold digger

too much porn

you name it

but seriously 99% of cheaters don't make sense

don't waste you time trying to understand

[This message edited by max2018 at 3:46 PM, August 9th (Thursday)]

Yeah I have nooo idea...My ex cheated with a guy that's almost 50. She's 29. Hes absolutely disgusting too. Everyone that knows what she did is just grossed out. Her step mom is the same age so she's horrified.

Best part is she's still with him! My guess is because he drives a corvette and he's the charge nurse on the floor they work. My other suspicion is that my ex literally has no where to go so she's stuck with him. I don't keep tabs on her, I just hear from other friends and family that are mortified.

But the good thing is that everyone at work laughs when I show them the pictures. We roast him for a good few minutes and move on. It is what it is... all I can do is shake my head and laugh at the whole situation.

maybe I’m being shallow

Well, I guess I'll join you in the shallow club SD. Because when I read your post I found myself scrunching up my nose and saying "Ew."

I get what you're saying here:

“fall” into love with

...but of course it made me giggle. If you get rid of the "love with" part then it pretty much describes that whole affair mess.

I often hear people who haven't been through the joys of infidelity say things like: "they found someone they couldn't help but love more or was a better fit" or some such nonsense. Most of the time I just shake my head at the ways most WS seem to affair down.

Mine decided to keep it all in the family by hooking up with his relative's wife.

Am I shallow to think that's a little "Ew" too?

Xhole's first wife is ten years older than him, I am ten years younger. First OW was slightly older than him and last OW is several years younger than me.

What does that mean? Well, I guess it just means that he is an equal opportunity asshole that will bang anything with a vagina that is still breathing. Because of all the age ranges, I just don't get hung up on it. To each his/her own, I suppose. *shrug*

Am I shallow to think that's a little "Ew" too?

Nope....not at all Chili. Def a little Ewwww in that story.

And Phoenix you are right. All I can do is shrug it off. I will say, I’ve never quoted the movie “Big Daddy” so much wihen talking about A/P and his Old Balls LOL!

fWH is 13 years older than I am. First/only marriage for either of us. Are we an Ewwww too? FWIW I don’t have daddy issues and for a few years I made more than fWH.

I think APs in general are ick, but not because of age.

I should also add my oldest DD's hubs is 23 years older than her (only 3 years younger than me). She doesn't have any daddy issues either and he makes her happy so...*more shrugs*

My WH AP was 20 years younger then him. Why she would be with him when there are so many good looking young guys out there. Her response?

“There is too much drama with younger guys”

Lol! So be with a married man...no drama there, idiot

This is a really interesting topic for me.

My exH left me for a woman who was almost 15 years our senior and who was only four years younger than his mother, we were very young at the time so the age gap was far more significant than it would have been had he been in his 30s. As it was he was early 20s and she late 30s so it was uncommon.

Since her he’s dated numerous older women, or just as interesting, single mothers like his mother was.

It wasn’t until years after our marriage that I realised something quite disturbing, we were teens when we got together and my family was very broken so it wasn’t until I became emotionally healthy and surrounded myself with other healthy people that I was able to examine his relationship with his mother.

Their relationship fits every definition of covert or emotional incest and had done since he was very young. He slept in her bed until he was a teen, had to act as the man in the family when she was single and pregnant, including giving her massages etc, when we were 15 she gave him a copy of the joy of sex, she once commented to me what a beautiful penis he had and shared all of her life with him.

When we became adults and married she was always there despite living in another town and continued to insert herself in every aspect of his life. She would take over cooking, sort though our cupboards and generally take over my role as wife.

She would stay at our home up until the day he deployed and was a,ways there to welcome him the day he returned which should have been a time for us. In fact, I remember the night before his first deployment she asked me how I’d feel if he slept with local women over ther. I was shocked as I’d not considered it, when I said I’d talk to him she said not to as she would and that he’d need to use condoms.

After we’d ended she’d spend months staying at his house, socialising with his friends and ‘looking after’ him. The two of them continued to share all aspects of their personal, including sex lives, with one another and probbaly still do.

She once told me that hed informed her that he only married me to prove to her that he could do something she didn’t and he was very jealous when she eventually married someone. Her being married didn’t change their relationship though.

Another strange memory was when we came back from our highshool formal (prom) and had started doing what half drunk teenagers do. In the middle of it she called out from her bedroom and he stopped mid what we were doing and disappeared into her room for hours, that always sat badly with me.

It seems he is trying to recreate their relationship in his new ones - which is all kinds of effed up. She definitely tried to make a little husband out of him.

[This message edited by yuvas at 4:31 PM, August 11th (Saturday)]

emotional incest!

yuvas i think this sickfuvker was haveing more than that

too much porn

Yes its one of the reasons i guess

You could be right Max althought I hope not, as I said we were kids when we got together and their relationship was already like this, if it had been sexual it would have been child abuse. I’ve got no time for the guy but I hope he didn’t have to experience that.

The title was misleading. While a relationship with 20 years age different isn't the norm, it s not way way way older. It's just way older. It gets gross when you get to 30, 40, and 50 years older. I personally would find it disgusting to date somebody more than 10 years age difference, but that's for me because I have kids 20 years younger. I think for those that don't have kids, that age Gap isn't as significant. I know a few people who have dated someone with a 20 year age Gap and most didn't see anything wrong with it. I had a girlfriend who was 39 who had a few one night stands with early 20s and a 19 year old. I didn't have a problem with it so long as she kept her cougar ass away from MY sons. So I think it's relative. I don't see Daddy issues unless it's at least a 20 year age difference AND one of the individuals is in their early 20s. You don't see a 45 year old dating a 65 year old as dysfunctional as a 21 year old dating a 41 year old.

[This message edited by StillLivin at 5:29 PM, August 12th (Sunday)]

Yuvas: That is some messed up shit.

As for the way older: My xWH was 10 years older than me. Left me for someone 5 years older than me (and a skank, but I digress). One of my closest friends is 55 and dating a guy who is 71. He’s a young 71, super vibrant and athletic still, but her mom is 74, step dad is 77. They’ve been together for 10 years, so they are comforatable with it. So yeah, can be weird. And a few years ago my aunt was dating a guy 10 years younger than she was. Her daughter, who she had at age 20, was dating a guy 10 years older. Their boyfriends were the same age.

Just today I got asked out by a guy who was MAYBE 35.... I’m 51.

I said no mainly based on the age difference. I guess my point is we all have our limits and guidelines and what we feel comfortable with.

But if it gets more than 20 years I start to get a bit weirded out. (And SD— my xWH was 60. Age does change things a bit... not necessarily in a good way)

I can’t address the cheating issue, but I am in my early 60’s, in really good shape, have some money, and women who are far younger looking to date me

I’m going to give the money part of the last statement more weight, but I think security that it brings is a big part. I’m also not stupid about it either. I really don’t think most of these women are golgdiggers in the sense you see in the movies, but rather are concerned about having decent lifestyle as many are stuck with deadbeat ex husbands

I also don’t pull my phone out on the table at dinner, or try to figure out the check. That goes a long way

I do agree that when the cheating element is introduced that changes the dynamic, but younger women can be attracted to older men

Just to REALLY throw this thread into orbit, can I also mention that when SO and I started dating it felt genuinely weird? I mean weird with a capital "W". Why, you wonder? Because we are the same freaking age!! Okay, I'm two months older, but otherwise the same.

That just means it is all relative. I'm used to older men so being the same age took some adjustment. I have a son-in-law almost my age. More adjustment. Helping to care for my XMIL, who is 40 years older than me, and ten years older than my own father is yet another adjustment. Age is all relative.

Asshat's last AP was our nearly 60-year-old neighbor. I know she's well into her 60s now. Asshat was 32 at the time and the AP was older than his mother, who sexually abused him for about three years leading up to him turning 14. All the women I suspected he cheated with were older. The AP looked so much like Asshat's mother too, it was truly sickening. He's with someone five years younger than himself now (needed someone of child-bearing age) but she still looks so much like his mother it's nauseating.

A large age gap for any normal, non-cheating relationship, hey, to each their own. In infidelity, however, it just seems to give it a dirtier aspect, especially if there are mommy or daddy issues. It is also another hit to the ego in the beginning, no matter if waywards go older or younger. If significantly younger, you feel old and replaceable. If significantly older, you wonder what in the world is wrong with you.

A large age gap for any normal, non-cheating relationship, hey, to each their own. In infidelity, however, it just seems to give it a dirtier aspect,

Yeah - this is kind of what I was getting at with the Ew bit. Ew for SD in his situation. Ew for mine hooking up with his relative's wife.

My assclown was also 13 years older than me - just like you shaken. His AP is also my age, but her children are younger than his grandchildren - so in their unicorn affair world, I see that as all kinds of jacked up.

For me, all of the APs get a little bit tainted and I tend to see them through glasses that are way less tolerant of much of anything.

Perhaps it seems slimier because it tends to harken thoughts of mental issues, e.g., the controversial Oedipus Complex.