She commented on my looks and how I had all this new stuff and she was fucked financially. She complained that she left with me everything and she had nothing
It's still all about HER.
Is it narcissism, or just regular selfishness?
I think the key phrase here is: she left. Yes, she did, emotionally, physically, and every other way, she checked out without ever thinking of you.
In a general sense,there are two kinds of people in the world, givers and takers.
You are obviously a giver. You were happy to give her everything you could, and she was more than happy to take it all, but taken for granted.
She will no doubt take from the next guy the same way. They don't understand the concept of giving for the sake of it. They must get more than they take. I don't think you can change that characteristic in a person very easily.
How to come to deal with it I think requires you to step back and examine who she really is, not what your mistaken image of her was. More than likely her behavior is a coping mechanism learned in childhood to deal with whatever malfunction occurred to her, whether that be a broken family, abusive or molesting family members, some sort of insecurities and lack of self worth for whatever the multitude of reasons there are.
The point is: It's not your fault. Nothing you have done caused this. It is her malfunction alone, not yours. She is broken, you have to understand that. Nice guys seem to attract this type, I am an example of that to some extent. Whether its some level of co-dependence or just genuine compassion on your part, that enables her, reinforcing her giving herself permission.
Takers are good at manipulation, of you and others, and sex is a tool. It gets them what they want whether that is attention, or approval, etc.
The further you can step back the better. I got some valuable advice one day on a construction site from an old Supervisor. He said when you're running a job, you're busy checking measurements and counting material, and keeping all the guys working and you have your nose right in the middle of everything checking every little detail. Stop once a day, and walk way across the street, turn and look back for a few minutes. You'll be surprised what you will see from there. More than once I immediately recognized obvious problems that I walked right by for days.
It's a matter of perspective. Get the big picture.
Step back and look, objectively.
Disconnect for a moment, and look at the situation as an impartial observer so you can see ALL the factors that created this mess.
You'll likely wonder how you could have been such a dumbass for walking into that in the first place, but I doubt you'll find any of it that puts the blame on you.
We all learn life's lessons, and sooner or later we get smacked upside the head with a good one. It might be the death of a friend, or a parent, it might be cancer or a serious illness, a car wreck or financial disaster. It happens to all of us eventually, no matter how carefully we plan or how good we are at avoiding the pitfalls.
You prove your character by clamoring to your feet, shaking your head, and carrying on.
You prove it to yourself, not anyone else.
It gives you strength, courage, and self respect. That's your reward in the end.
[This message edited by twisted at 8:58 AM, October 29th (Monday)]
