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If you decide to talk to her tonite, maybe you can record the conversation because you will both be very emotional.

I would try to limit the meeting to like an 1 or 1 1/2 hours. Not all night...that could be exhausting and non productive.

If she wants to talk, She may have something prepared to talk about, maybe excuses, lies or the truth....let her talk, then when there are awkward silences, say "...and what else" most people hate silences and will say too much.

Bring your list of questions and requirements for R (if that's what you want)

Good luck.

I told her to drive over but that we will talk in the car.

[This message edited by DaninOH at 8:44 PM, December 17th (Monday)]

I would talk to her and have an indepth convo about the whole thing, the "whys", her acceptance that eventually she would have had full blown sex with OM, whether she's done this before, who else knew about it, ask who the "other girl" is, where was she today and with whom ? has she contacted/tried to contact OM after the party and if she has ever had an inappropriate relationship (physical or not) before this while you've been together. Hint that you have more sources but never tell her how much you know, go back and read Stevenz letter for guidance, you may or may not allow her back in the spare room (will give you more access to her car/VAR and you won't have to be driving to BILs), make sure her new phone has GPS tracking turned on.

Tracking her now! On the way.

I don’t like “disappearance” for a few hours. Her sister and BIL didn’t know if her whereabouts. That’s troublesome. But then, she may have gone out shopping legitimately given she may need clothes. She’s away from her home.

Seems quite suspicious that she went shopping and didn't take the nieces phone. Why leave it behind? To avoid detection?

Be calm, Dan. Let her talk. Ask questions but let her elaborate. Ask the same questions after a while to see if her story changes.

I feel stupid even pointing this out, but if at any time, you think the conversation becomes unproductive, combative, or you sense you’re being fed a lot of lies or excuses, or self pity, you can always say “that’s enough for tonight” or “I don’t see a point in wounding each other” or “I absolutely think you’re lying to me/rationalizing your shitty morals/more concerned about yourself than what you’ve done to me and our daughters, so I’m cutting this off. Contact me when you’re ready to be honest and take responsibility.”,

My hope is she is honest with you ant takes responsibility and is truly sorry and recognizes the damage she has done.

Good luck.

Hopefully she just did some Xmas shopping.

Try to stay calm. Listen more.. talk less.

t/j..but what is it about this thread that has waywards drawn in so much that they are posting on it? The rules are quite clear. A new WS...ok. But WS's who have been here for awhile,and are fully aware of the the guidelines?? Odd,to say the least. We can go several weeks with no WS's breaking that particular guideline. But, for some reason, here they are. Just as observation. Carry on.

She's probably already there, so think about the conversation that you two had. How did she present herself? A victim? A poor, confused woman? Did she blameshift? Rugsweep? Gaslight? Was she calm? Were _you_ calm?

In case she isn't there yet, and you read this - try being silent after she explains something. Just look at her. Often, people will start speaking again, saying the same things in different ways. She might make a slip here.

Try to keep control of the conversation and if you don't seem to be in control then tell her that you're done for the night. This is all just too much, too fast, you say.

Good luck.

Dan do you think it's possible she left the phone behind because it belongs to her niece? She was borrowing it. Just a thought.

HellFire we think alike - and they're not just posting, but posting...I don't know...strangely - but that's really not the word I'm looking for. <shrug>

Do not meet with her.

Bigger is giving unpopular but truthful advice. Just to let you know that it would be very easy for your wife to get a TRO on you and have you removed from the house immediately.

You need to see an attorney ASAP as you currently have some legal exposure that a D filing will take care of.

A bigger issue is the altercation with OM. I am not just talking legal. The fact that OM was confrontational to your wife then you tells me he is not all there and no one knows what he is capable of doing especially after being embarrassed.

This is not just about cheating anymore as now you life or your liberty can be at risk. Keep in mind you also have two teenagers at home as well.

The fact that your wife did not cut him off after the altercation is a big concern as it can encourage him to do something.

Please see an attorney and do not provide your wife with any information!

Betting she didn’t just Christmas shop. A woman doesn’t shop two days after she’s been discovered in an affair. Seriously ppl: My husband did this . Knew he was being tracked by phone so left it at work. Met OW

Easy to check the phone activity.

I bet she tries to sex you up in the car. She has a thing for car sex....why didn't you all meet at the Dennys like everyone else going through this shyt?

You should rub one out before she arrives so you aren't tempted!

I mean it's not going to go good if you bang her and try to D?

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 9:55 PM, December 17th (Monday)]

Don’t think she did some Christmas shopping, But I also seriously doubt she met OM. I dont get the impression she had that many details about him, especially his address. And without her phone, she really had limited means to acquire that info. Tho I doubt she even wanted it. She More than likely went to a former coworker of hers to find out about what people are saying.

I know people love to jump to the conclusion that she MUST have met OM” but it just doesn’t add up. She don’t care about the OM. To me that’s pretty obvious. It was all about her. She dropped him so quick, didn’t even bother to let him know her husband would be at the party. She was using him. It was all about her ego, the complements, and “some fun.” All she cares now is her reputation.

What Hamburgundy said...

So why didn't you ask what she wanted to talk about?

She texted OM as recently as yesterday. And she also did on Saturday. There is no indication that she dropped him and also found a way to contact him without her phone.