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Freeme posted 5/22/2019 05:54 AM

Ww text me a few times today pleading to allow me to hear what she wants to say.
With the early (on time) arrival of the baby... and this sudden need for closure, I'm guessing that MIL and WW Know that there is no chance the baby is yours and are trying to make you "daddy" anyway they can.
I'd talk to your lawyer about abandonment and see what he says. How long do you have to stay there in a row? How long can you move out for? At what point can you move out for good. It sounds like a sticky situation and it sounds like your WW is getting desperate and losing it. She has gone over the edge before when she hasn't gotten her way so I wouldn't put it past her to claim DV or rape or...Keep a VAR on you at all time.
I know it seems far fetch but if you to were to refuse her and she claimed DV she would be the victim and you the horrible husband. We have seen it on SI numerous times.

If you do move back in for a spell try not to be alone with her. If she blocks your coming and going it is considered DV. You don't want to put your hands on her even as a way to get past.

Worried about you.

director23 posted 5/22/2019 11:53 AM

I didn't end up staying there, Stayed in hotel past 2 nights. Will be going back to our house tonight and tomorrow. Today or tomorrow at the latest I will be getting results on paternity.

There isnt a time frame I need to be concerned about. I have filed for divorce and even though i'm in a no-fault state, the divorce proceedings are determined by if there are children or aren't. On ww response she did indicate something about me possibly not being the father of an unborn child. To disestablish paternity, if i do in fact end up not being the father, i simply file to do so and the judge will review that at the same time he/she reviews our divorce settlement agreement. It is a relatively simple process per lawyer and has done it countless times.

fareast posted 5/22/2019 12:17 PM

“It is a relatively simple process per lawyer and has done it countless times.”

What a sad commentary on the state of M in our society.

Strength to you director23 moving forward.

Jsmart posted 5/22/2019 12:29 PM

I imagine that a part of you hopes the baby is yours so the co-parenting would not be so awkward and maybe down the line not filled with animosity toward OM, When he returns into the picture. But with her and OM already having done their own paternity test showing OM to be the father combined with her delivering earlier than her confession seemed to imply, it's not looking good for that to be the case.

Whatever the results, don't let her see your pain. Go to your one of your buddies and let it out there, or come here and vent away.

I pray that God grants you wisdom and strength to get through this heart wrenching ordeal.

[This message edited by Jsmart at 12:30 PM, May 22nd (Wednesday)]

director23 posted 5/23/2019 22:57 PM

I received an email from the paternity testing company right before I walked out of work today.

The results confirmed that there is a 0% chance I am the father of the child.

I called my mom right away and told her quick but she was at work and could chat. It was my night to be alone with my son so I went and got him from school and we went to the park for about an hour then came home and mowed.

My thoughts the entire time were all along the lines of affirmation of what I already believed. When I read results I wasn't surprised or shocked. I just felt like what was presented to me at D-Day was finally verified.

I called my stbxmil and told her. I wanted to call ww but I didn't want conversation to turn into an emotional hissy fit. I told her mom and she was silent. Her words were oh my God, I'm so sorry. I got off phone with her quickly.

About 10 minutes pass and I get a call from ww; I knew I shouldn't answer it but I did. She immediately began apoligizing and blah blah blah. I let her go on for about 20 seconds and just told her to stop. She asked me if I don't love her anymore, I said I'm divorcing you. She bagen to go on again and I just hung up. Had about a dozen calls from her after that a few texts. I emailed her a copy of the results and then everything stopped. I made supper with my son and we had a nice evening. She returned from her parents after I out him to sleep and I've been in basement since.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted now knowing the information is irrefutable and I can at least begin to start to work on figuring out what my new normal could begin to look like.

Tomorrow I will file to disestablish paternity and give the lawyer a call. Ww never responded to my request of docs I gave her so mediation will be set up soon.

Just want to say thanks to all for any input given. SI has been there for me since the first minute after I posted.

Ripped62 posted 5/23/2019 23:19 PM

You should take action immediately regarding disestablishing paternity. Contact your attorney and ask him to begin proceedings immediately.

Simultaneously you should initiate the divorce process and have your wayward wife served. If she has already been served you should request that your attorney begin divorce proceedings immediately i.e. schedule mediation. Then begin preparation for mediation.

Do not sign anything at this point in time if it may impact marital, paternal, or financial issues. If you must sign such documents have your attorney review them first.

It is my opinion that delay on your part will not serve you well.

Please proceed post haste utilizing the utmost care to protect yourself and your son.

My thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

BearlyBreathing posted 5/23/2019 23:21 PM

Well, this has to be weird for you. For me, those moments that had finality to them, or no room for hopium, those were hard. Good in a way— they stopped me from backsliding - but still hard.

Expect a bit of the roller coaster as this settles in. Glad you had your ducks lined up and were ready to move forward. Your son is lucky to have you!

Hang in there, D23. Sunny days are ahead.

Phoenix1 posted 5/24/2019 00:13 AM

I'm glad you have finally been fully vindicated. What a relief that must be! At least there is no room for pretense by WW or inlaws any longer.

You continue to handle this well. Expect ups and downs as you navigate thru the paternity disestablishment and divorce until you find your new normal with your DS. Proceed with strength and conviction!

nekonamida posted 5/24/2019 06:23 AM

Director, the only people shocked by this are your STBX and MIL. But regardless, I am glad that it is finally giving you the peace you need to move on from this. You have done wonderfully and I have no doubt that there is happiness in your future.

Scoobydoo posted 5/24/2019 06:36 AM

This is my First time in this Forum,
(your topic heading brought me in).

The strength you have shown & continue to show is unbelievable,

Thinking of you & your son

Stay strong Director23

(((hugs)))

Freeme posted 5/24/2019 07:00 AM

Director, the only people shocked by this are your STBX and MIL.
I disagree. There were too many red flags that they knew. The very early arrival date of the baby, the last ditch effort for "closure" prior to the results letter. The endless effort to get you to "meet" the baby and bond with it. WW knew that getting the results would be the final nail in your marriage. MIL knew but was fooling herself.

You've done what you needed to do. You have stayed detached from WW and the baby and held firm to getting a divorce. All you can do now is move forward without doubt. Hopefully, she will make things easier on you now that she knows you know the truth.

ChamomileTea posted 5/24/2019 09:41 AM

I'm sorry, Director. I know in some ways it's the best case scenario for you, but there are just some things in life that no matter how much preparation we have, we still feel unprepared. If I walk a mile in your shoes, I think that's how I might be feeling, vindicated but still sad and a little shocked at the reality of it all. You've been put in a really tough spot, and you've handled it with remarkable grace.

My only advice to you at this point would be to remember that you're all going to be okay. Life will change but life has a way of doing that. And even though this part of your life seems tumultuous, it will become stabilized. You've got a good head on your shoulders. Trust yourself.

Strength and healing to you.

Tigersrule77 posted 5/24/2019 12:09 PM

I agree with others that any "shock" was feigned. It was most likely just the disappointment (for them) of the vault door slamming shut and eliminating the sliver of hope they were holding out for.

Director, I'm glad you feel the relief and the confidence in your decision. Sounds like the test results were the "closure" you were looking for.

I think you have conducted yourself admirably and shown yourself to be a man of strong principles. You seem to have held up very well through a very challenging time of your life.

Hopefully your STBXWW will now also be able to focus on looking to the future and making the best of the situation for herself and her family and work towards a mutually acceptable D and co-parenting.

annanew posted 5/24/2019 12:37 PM

I think you've done really well, director.

It will take some time but I think eventually you will be able to see the new arrival more as your son's sibling and less as "the OC". And that will be good for all of you.

The1stWife posted 5/24/2019 12:41 PM

You may want to consider that the biological father of the new baby has NO access to your child. No joint visitation or anything like that.

It will be too confusing to your son. And you should speak to your attorney about you having physical custody of your son if the baby’s bio dad is at the home visiting with his child. Same for the STBXW’s parents. They cannot have the baby’s bio dad at family events if your son is there.

Your STBXW and her family cannot wrap this up as “one big happy family” type of situation.

Prayers to you.

Lp0725 posted 5/24/2019 12:42 PM

I recently came across your thread and have read through it amazed at how well you've handled all of this. Your WW is such a spoiled entitled brat that my jaw dropped so many times in amazement at what a piece of work she is. She really thought you'd just rugsweep all her disgusting behavior and raise another man's baby with her. I'm happy you finally know for sure the baby isn't yours. Has the OM entered back into the picture at all? I'm just wondering if he will step up and claim his child, as I would think that might make the process of denying paternity easier for you.


HalfTime2017 posted 5/24/2019 12:53 PM

Well that Karma Train didn't take anytime to show up for your WW did it? It may seem like little consolation at this time, but the test results was the finality of it all. That knowledge has set you free, leaving no doubt in everyones mind.

A BS never choose to eat the shit sandwich forced upon us, but D23, you took it the best you can. There will be more down the road in dealing with the OM as he may be back in your lives due to the OC, but for the moment at least, your WW had to eat one of those sandwiches herself.

Jorge posted 5/24/2019 14:10 PM

Her words were oh my God, I'm so sorry.

This tells me she was in complete denial and unable to accept the depth of her daughter's misdeeds until faced with irrefutable evidence. Was that the first time she voiced an apology?

[This message edited by Jorge at 2:16 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

ChangeMaker posted 5/24/2019 15:07 PM

You're doing quite well, Director, though I'm sorry that you have to do quite well with such a shit show.

You seem like a good guy - a guy who can do what must be done on multiple fronts, no matter what may come falling in... I think most people would like to have a guy like you around.

Keep doing what you do, I think you and your son will be just fine.

whattheh posted 5/24/2019 18:20 PM

I'm glad you got to spend one on one time with your son right after you got your confirmation about OC.

You seem like a really nice guy but don't be that way with the settlement esp now that she has refused to cooperate and forcing you to go the mediation route.

I think you said she wants to buy you out of the house and move her grandparents in? But you said you originally wanted to sell as the house will bring a good price. Will she realistically qualify for mortgage without you? If not sell it. And make sure your settlement has her paying the right price (no deals) if she does buy you out.

Same thing with condo. Why wait until Nov for her parents to be able to assume mortgage? Why not put on market even if break even to get your name off the mortgage for that before or as divorce is finalized. Won't condo also affect her ability to buy you out of home? If parents assume mortgage they should reimburse you for equity and prorated prepaids like property taxes, assoc fees and insurance.

Goal is get your name off debt for things that go to her. We had a real estate buyer fail to be approved for her mortgage because her ex left her name on auto loan (even though against their divorce settlement agreement). The underwriters denied her loan and she will probably have to take him to court. Sometimes people sign agreement but won't or can't follow it often to the other's detriment.

Also great advice to get specific with custody details such as whether/when can AP be around son, get a right of first refusal that you get son to care for in lieu of babysitters or relatives during her custody time, and how far can you each move away etc.

I wish you and your son the best. It's good you have definitive proof so you can really move forward on the best path for you and your son.

[This message edited by whattheh at 6:22 PM, May 24th (Friday)]

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