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Jorge posted 6/13/2019 16:51 PM

This is truly what she wants; wants me to give in, love her, forgive her, raise another mans baby, don't break up our family, don't tell anybody what she did, don't divorce her, don't annul our marriage, etc.

Insanity definition: extreme foolishness or irrationality. She fits it to a f'n Tee!!!

Marz posted 6/13/2019 19:08 PM

You are correct. Legally he hasn't been confirmed the father, and going forward, if she wants support for him she will have to ask for it and he can say no, but then she will have to go through court and that is when the paternity process for him would begin to establish paternity.

2 things come to mind. He's not reliable to provide CS and it opens up a whole can of worms for everyone to see who she is and what she's done if they haven't allready. They all want to keep this on the down low.

What better way than to stick you with the bill. Let this be her and her parents problem.

[This message edited by Marz at 7:13 PM, June 13th (Thursday)]

Marz posted 6/13/2019 19:12 PM

Im definitely beginning to come to terms with this fact. If my son enjoys having his half-brother in his life I'll never do anything to deter that. I personally know the benefits of siblings; and I am also coming to terms that since I am young, there are other fish in the sea that I potentially could begin a new family with. That's definitely quite a ways down the road before I even begin to ponder about that possibility.

This isn't the other child's fault so you do need to keep that in perspective. Whether you want to include him in you life is totally up to you. Upfront I'd never mention it or bring it up. At some point you'll need to address it when he gets older and can understand the situation. Always keep it very sanitized and without any malice, etc.

director23 posted 6/19/2019 13:47 PM

Sounds like we'll be going to mediation. I asked stbxww if I can expect a response soon about everything and she said her lawyer is working on everything and she thinks he will have something ready tomorrow. I asked if i can expect to go to mediation and she said yes.

I let my lawyer know about this update and he said it is likely a good thing that we do go to mediation, he wants to assume that she is having a hard time understanding it isn't feasible for her to be able to afford the house and her lawyer is probably having a hard time convincing her it isn't feasible, so mediation is where she can request that I essentially help her pay for her to maintain a lifestyle that she cannot afford.

Per a court order, we must attend mediation by our pre-trial conference so if it happens it will likely be within next 3 weeks.


nothisfriend posted 6/19/2019 13:52 PM

It seems slow but you are still gradually taking steps forward. Keep doing what you are doing.

LilBlackCat posted 6/19/2019 14:10 PM

I essentially help her pay for her to maintain a lifestyle that she cannot afford
It's amazing how some WS's want to maintain a lifestyle they had.. Even though they walked away from the relationship.

My STXWW has been doing this from day one.. failed already twice, yet doesn't give up.. It amazes me to what end she will go to try and have what we had..

I learned really quick that I needed to adapt and do without where needed and it just became the new norm.. She refuses to do such a thing..

Like now, I know that she is on the verge of losing her SUV as she can't afford a V8 Expedition due to how much it needs in gas to get around..

I told her she should get an economic car, she frowned and said that she wants to have a nice large SUV like she had before.. I just shrugged my shoulders and walked away.

[This message edited by LilBlackCat at 2:10 PM, June 19th (Wednesday)]

PlanNine posted 6/20/2019 09:35 AM

It's amazing how some WS's want to maintain a lifestyle they had.. Even though they walked away from the relationship.
During our marriage, my exWW was able to depend on me to care for the kids when she had to work late or on weekends (which was quite often). I also took care of them in the morning and got them ready for school/daycare so she could get ready for work undisturbed (never mind the fact that I had to get ready for work also). I also had to pick them up at the end of the day more often than not.

When we got divorced, she wanted me to pay for a nanny to take care of the kids when the kids were with her so she could maintain the same schedule and habits she enjoyed during the marriage. Yeah, my lawyer and I (and even the mediator) just laughed at that one.

Tigersrule77 posted 6/21/2019 09:30 AM

Perhaps if she was so concerned with her standard of living, she should have considered that before the A. She will also probably be receiving income from the AP for CS for her other son. Did your attorney say if that would be calculated as income for her or not? It probably isn't, and may not specifically affect your case.

director23 posted 6/21/2019 23:56 PM

This weekend is my stbxww weekend to be with our son. I have been leaving town to go and be with family each weekend it is not mine to be with him . I find out around 930 that her affair partner is in our house, with her, my son, and their kid, bonding. I call her and ask her who is in our house, she deflects and I ask again. She deflects and I say I know he is there and that he needs to leave. We have a conversation where she is basically demanding how I know he is there to which I give no answer except that I know he is there and tell her he needs to leave.

She does tell him to leave and he does.

What are your thoughts on this? Am I allowed to tell her who can and can't be in our house until divorce is finalized?

She text me after conversation and said she doesn't feel safe in our house and she truly believes I have someone watching her and our house. I denied that to be the case and simply said I have friends in this town who do care about me, which she refused to believe.

[This message edited by director23 at 11:57 PM, June 21st (Friday)]

Ripped62 posted 6/22/2019 00:23 AM

I am sorry you have to deal with her idiocy and crazy making.

She likely plans to seek child support from him. She probably wants a meal ticket and someone to play house with to attempt to save face. Her behavior is very predictable and disgusting.

I would talk to your lawyer about not having POSOM or other men around your son and property until the divorce is final. I would also seek a waiting period of 12 months before over nights if another man or POSOM is present. You may need a separation agreement. In the jurisdiction where I live her behavior would be looked upon very negatively by the court.

In my legal jurisdiction I control who is at my property as an owner. I hope the same is applicable where you live.

Ignore her ranting. Do not waste words with her if she will not behave in a civil manner putting the best interests of her children first. No contact is your best option especially when she starts verbalizing in a harsh manner.

In some jurisdictions it may be possible to have her move and you achieve full custody because of her actions. More likely you will need to include in the separation agreement a clause that the POSOM cannot be at your house if she must continue to stay there.

If you had returned early and found the POSOM at your house this could have gone bad.....very bad. Some courts will seek to prevent such issues so that individuals are not hurt, lives are lost, or ruined.

Talk to your lawyer about the best path forward to address each of the issues.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 6:12 AM, June 22nd (Saturday)]

director23 posted 6/22/2019 11:55 AM

Lawyer explained that she can have him there when i am not. If i am there i can limit him from being present. He said i can request that the other child and his father see each other when my son is not present, as well as said he expects to get a response proposal from them early this next week.

I explained lets just see what the proposal says and we’ll go from there. He responded and says he hopes that she begins to see the devastation she has caused soon and comes back into touch with reality.

Mrhealed posted 6/22/2019 14:08 PM

Director 23,

The opposite of love is not hate, is indiference. You must reach a point where It doesnt affects you what she does or stop doing.

Nevertheless, there are things that may brother you and legally can do something about, but others wont

Until the D is final, document all interactivos with your WW, look for legal resources to protect your kid and your assets.

Dont trust your inlaws, clearly now they need to protect their daugther by any means (OM Will recoger his job, inlaws may lie to get a better deal out of D, etc)

Check OM criminal record to get a restraining order to protect your kid.

Get legal advice about restraining OM in your House.

If there is nothing you can do, move on. The best reventé over OM is let

This is your new reality, but It doesnt mean your need to bend, figth for your rigths.

ChamomileTea posted 6/22/2019 18:30 PM

Ugh. I'm so mad for you. But what can you expect from low-class, no account cheaters? And yes, I'd get a morality clause in the divorce decree which bars overnight male guests and whatever else your attorney can come up with.

How long until you can get out of there?

Marz posted 6/22/2019 21:41 PM

You will have zero control over your X and her time. Seen this too many times. It sucks but what's right and what's enforceable in these situations are two different things.

You can call all the lawyers you want. It's not going to change a thing.

All you control is your time. You don't cut contact you'll just stay hung up in this.

director23 posted 6/23/2019 00:00 AM

Zero control over your X

After a pretty detailed conversation with my lawyer I've come full circle on that topic and fully understand that now. He said what happened will never look bad on me for asking the affair partner to leave even with me not being there given the fact that I'm still the owner and paying the bills. But going forward if she pushes back and I am actually not present then I need to back off if she has a guest over, unless a settlement agreement states that certain people can't be present.

skerzoid posted 6/23/2019 10:22 AM


You have totally cut relations with her.

Did you expect that you would be able to totally control her actions from here to eternity?

Nope. You went total hardass on her. I respect that. I agreed with that as I read it.

But along with that, you lose control. You wanted a total break with her. You have accept the consequences of that.

This is the path you chose. She totally surrendered to you. You totally rejected that. Now you have no control what so ever of her actions.

Did you expect more? Where am I wrong on this?

director23 posted 6/23/2019 11:37 AM

Where am I wrong on this?

I’d say you’re off base on basically everything to be honest. We are living in the same house still, both still paying for the mortgage, and we had agreed that she wouldn’t bring her affair partner in our house while i am still the owner, and especially around our son.

She tried to hide that she did this, and even when i confronted her about it she attempted to deny it.

I have zero interest in controlling her or what she does. To me this is just an example of things i should expect to come, with her not respecting and abiding by what we had agreed on, why should i expect to believe she will honor our divorce decree once it is finalized?

In my opinion i feel its best to get in front of these types of issues now. I’m not just going to roll over and let her continue to shit on me.

She never surrendered to me as well; she fought for her ap....

[This message edited by director23 at 2:30 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

The1stWife posted 6/23/2019 18:45 PM

Hang in there Director23. You are handling this very logically and with the best interest of your son.

I hope that things end quickly and satisfactorily. You at least deserve that much.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 8:26 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

redrock posted 6/23/2019 21:56 PM

Just wondering how his STBX surrendered. From day one she has tried to dictate, control and manipulate the storyline and outcome. She has thrown multiple fits to include him not caring enough when she went into labor with another mans child( on the off, low, chance that it might turn out to be directors kiddo). She expected her dubious displays of humility to be rewarded by forgiveness. That’s not humility.

She felt entitled to be forgiven, covered up and play happy family. According to HER the bio dad was not to be in the child’s life no matter what the outcome.

Now he’s the back on the option menu and director should prepare himself for the latest narrative change. Probably that bio dad rescued her from her controlling husband.

Keep protecting yourself and following your lawyers advice. Whether or not she can do it, it just shows another level of klassy behavior. Welcoming your baby daddy to a family home, yikes. Why not meet on neutral territory at her co dependent moms house?

What if a STBX WH arranged a visit with his OW in the family home during IHS while a BS is gone for the weekend? I don’t think she’d be lectured on not dictating WH behavior.

Directors wife is showing her entitled, lying ass again. Nothing new.

[This message edited by redrock at 9:59 PM, June 23rd (Sunday)]

Tigersrule77 posted 6/24/2019 06:57 AM

Director, I think you have been handling yourself very well.

I always find it interesting that waywards tend to ask/require for a quite a bit. In your example, she wants to hold off the D, she wants to stay in the house, she wants YOU to help pay for that after the D. Meanwhile, you ask her to show your M some respect and wait until after the D to have her AP in the house around your son and she says "meh, i'll do what i want, what is best for me". And later she will probably talk about how she has just been doing everything she can to make this go smoothly and YOU are being difficult.

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