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I want the OW to suffer! Yep suffer. I have thought up fabulous Scenarios. I have a tight group of friends that I run these fabulous ideas by. So far they think and none of them are fabulous and I would go to jail if I executed that. But I will say it was fun talking them out and they are right I could easily end up in jail.

Here’s the TRUTH: in my case: No revenge or contact is very powerful. She has no idea if we’re back together or if we’re fighting, broken up etc. I’m sure she is hurting because my husband dropped her to return to our “loveless, sexless, hateful marriage” and by doing so gave her the message that she was meaningless, just being used. Now that’s revenge!

It’s my belief that if I taunt her it shows that she is relevant, that st least she stuck it to me for a period of time. Silence and not knowing is more powerful than showing them your anger.

OP ARE IRRELEVANT!

She FULLY understands

No offense, but this is not a consequence. Words? Warnings? Threats? Not a consequence. Action? A consequence.

Feelings are not facts, they change with the wind. We can and do learn to control how upset we allow ourselves to get when things happen. Therefore, we are all responsible for getting a handle on our emotions and keeping them under control. People cannot "make you" feel anything. The wisest of us are in control of our emotions, not victims of immaturity or recklessness. We process and proceed. We are in control. And we do not choose to behave in ways that harm our goals and plans or mar the type of person we are proud of being.

I had to do something. I could not let another man screw my wife and not have some consequences.

Because you have not learned self-control. Our prisons are filled with people suffering from the same problem.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 2:33 PM, February 9th (Saturday)]

Hi Jimmy, I know where you are coming from. I've had similar impulses myself.

I know the feeling of "why should they get away with it" when they have put you through so much pain.

I've had a lifetime of pain.

Married at 18, he left me after 51 years of marriage. He played the field for the whole of that time.

We've been separated 14 years this July. We are still married 65 years this month. I'm 83 he is 84 and I still feel like strangling him.

Peace to you my friend. Hold your head high , and go on and live a good life.

Hugs from an old lady, Little Clam

J62, can’t agree with what you did...but sure understand it. Having done it, hopefully you won’t go to jail.

I bet POSOM spends the rest of his life wondering every time he turns the key whether or not there’s a bomb under the hood, and so now you’ll have your revenge for the rest of eternity.

Mission accomplished.

I bet POSOM spends the rest of his life wondering every time he turns the key whether or not there’s a bomb under the hood

Maybe.

But I imagine he is like most unremorseful waywards--painting himself as the victim of some deranged and jealous husband. "Yeah, I talked to the guy's wife, and she did seem interested in me. But nothing happened. The guy is insane. It was years ago." Oh, poor scumbag AP. Always the victim.

I just don't see how anyone ever wins since an unremorseful wayward or AP never, ever, EVER thinks they have done anything wrong. They are eternal victims. It is impossible to right the wrong where most of them are concerned.

And it goes without saying that nothing erases the sex and ego kibbles that were freely given. Nothing.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 3:47 PM, February 9th (Saturday)]

I understand wanting some suffering for the AP. Others have indicated to you that your wife was a willing participant and should be where your pain is focused. She made the vows to you, not him. Should he have stayed in place out of respect for your marriage? Absolutely. My husband may have acted in the same manner I won’t lie. But my perception is this: You are allowing him to still rent space in your head for fre. Evict him. He may get some sick pleasure knowing he’s still on the minds and tongues of both you and your wife. Does he have a family? Imagine them, as innocent as you were, scared to leave the home or be alone because of your actions. No one deserves that. They didn’t hurt you or your wife.

It sounds like this was a dealbreaker for you. Maybe you should have divorced your wife and move on. What has your M been like? Is she remoresfuk, transparent, working hard to gain trust back? This is a healthy way to focus your energy.

But I imagine he is like most unremorseful waywards--painting himself as the victim of some deranged and jealous husband. "Yeah, I talked to the guy's wife, and she did seem interested in me. But nothing happened. The guy is insane. It was years ago." Oh, poor scumbag AP. Always the victim.

Sure, in a friendly crowd he’ll paint himself as a victim, blah, blah, blah. Who cares.

He’ll still wonder if there’s a bomb in his car.

J62, you’ve done all you can. Declare success and move on.

Reminds me of one of the best effort-free revenges. Just wait two weeks from when you were insulted, and then ask the perp if they found the pubic hair in their toothbrush.

Sure the OM is a piece of shit, a jerk, a guy with no moral compass. But in these unfortunate scenarios, whatever-it is that you thought was taken from you, your wife freely gave to him. It was the gift that every WW gives to the OM.

I get the anger. But taking these actions and using these actions as a way to feel like the scales have been leveled is delusion. When this is done if you end up paying a fine and or doing some time those won't be his consequences. And if the court determines your guilt, then even the smallest of some similar action in the future would return an even larger consequence to you. There's nothing good that can come from this and it doesn't achieve the objective.

I get the anger. I get the pain. I get the desire for justice. Your wife's conscious choices are responsible for the injustice that you rage over. Only the work you do with her can lead to reconciling that injustice.

Hi Jimmy,

If I’ve learnt anything from my experience it is this. You will be at your best when you are focused on YOU. Not her and definitely not him. You are clearly giving him way too much of your mental energy. Whenever you think about him, stop and do something positive for yourself.

People say that POSOM did not make me a promise like my wife did to me with our vows. He was a police officer and he did swear to serve and protect (it said "To Serve And To Protect" all over his police car) He came into my business with harmful intent while on duty. He broke his oath to me.

People say he is taking up space in my mind. I guess he is. I am mad at him for "what he did" to my marriage. I have heard "He Who Angers You, Controls You". He angered me, therefore he was controlling me. I decided to turn it around and anger him. I put spikes out for about 8 months before I got caught. I angered him on many occasions. I am sure some nights I was having a good time while he was changing a flat tire.

He knows that I am not a pushover. That was important to me. Sure it is going to cost me a little money and I may get some time in jail, but I had to do it. When I go to court, I am going to ask the judge what the penalty for assault and battery is. I am going to tell him , I am asking for a friend!

I hope you and your wife now have a solid post-nup in place if she strays again.

I'm thinking something about revenge is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die?

I see this sentiment over and over on infidelity forums and it may be fine for those posting it, but some people aren't built that way. The poison that eats them alive could very well be the fact that they DIDN'T do anything to settle the score.

I also see the "what about your wife" crap all the time. Is there some rule that says blame must only be assigned to one person? The way I see it the cheating spouse, the AP, and any accomplices that helped along the way all DESERVE a dose of pain.

Different strokes for different folks.

Gawd, what century are you stuck in?--Edie

I'm certainly not "stuck" in this one, thank you!

But since some us seem to think that insulting me for cheering for Jimmy in my own "outdated" or old fashioned Texas terminology for his regaining a measure of his self respect...is a more modern, intelligent, progressive and effective way of supporting a Betrayed husband (not to mention myself as a betrayed husband as well), then by all means please continue to discriminate so supportingly.

I think I prefer the century where the bad guys got booed and the good guys got the girl and the gold and the glory instead of losing all of the above to their local policeman who took away all of that, frankly.

As for me, I think it takes a lot of courage to stand up to a bully of that caliber much less a policeman!

I respect your courage, Jimmy. And you fighting back for your self respect. And you didn't compromise your morals or become a POS to do it either! The only one that you really hurt was maybe your own wallet just a little and that's a small price to pay to prove your courage to yourself and others, really.

some people aren't built that way

Different strokes for different folks.

Fair enough.

But do you believe that all reactions and actions are healthy? It seems you do as you don't want anyone questioning anyone else's choices, so then what is everyone here on SI whining about? The WS needed to do this, needed to meet their needs outside the M. And by the way, it was probably the BS's fault anyway. Different strokes for different folks, right? People should do what they need to do to meet their emotional needs.

It makes perfect sense.

So there is no reason for SI to even exist.

Stop judging the WS and what they needed to do.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 6:12 PM, February 9th (Saturday)]

The way I see it the cheating spouse, the AP, and any accomplices that helped along the way all DESERVE a dose of pain.

I feel that both my wife and POSOM are both 100% accountable for their actions. If 4 guys rob a bank and get caught. Each of them will be charged 100% with bank robbery, not 25% bank robbery each.

I wonder,if your wife had been remorseful, if your anger would have died out awhile ago. I've read enough of your posts to know your instinct will be to defend her. After all,poor muffin has had to put up with a sad and angry husband for a few months. She's done very little to heal the damage she's caused. She tells you to be quiet. She answered questions for awhile, then said she was done. She even enlisted the MC into basically telling you to get over it. Had she bothered to do the work,or at least had empathy for your pain, I'm guessing you never would have gotten to this point. You still have her on a pedestal. And she's quite comfortable there. Since you can't really go to her with your anger, you swallowed it. Internalized it. Since you couldn't express all of your pain and anger to her, you've directed it all at OM.

You feel pretty satisfied right now. But,what if you get jail time? Worth it? The OM will know you're in jail. And your wife will be free to do as she pleases without you knowing. I think, eventually, you will learn the hard way, that your wife was your problem all along. The OM was not.

[This message edited by HellFire at 6:25 PM, February 9th (Saturday)]

Jimmy, you and I have similar Dday and we both have anger issues. I get you, I really do.

But, you are in great danger. Not so much from going to jail but as in spending the rest of your life in a prison of bitterness. If there was ever a BS that needed professional and ongoing counseling it is you (and me!).

Please, please, don't give any more of your life to this POSOM. He's taken enough, don't give him more.

This should go without saying, but SI does not condone revenge, or any illegal activities.

But do you believe that all reactions and actions are healthy? It seems you do as you don't want anyone questioning anyone else's choices, so then what is everyone here on SI whining about? The WS needed to do this, needed to meet their needs outside the M. And by the way, it was probably the BS's fault anyway. Different strokes for different folks, right? People should do what they need to do to meet their emotional needs.

It makes perfect sense.

So there is no reason for SI to even exist.

Stop judging the WS and what they needed to do.

I can't keep up with all of the mental gymnastics in that reply so I'll just say "OK".

I go to court, I am going to ask the judge what the penalty for assault and battery is. I am going to tell him , I am asking for a friend!

You better just keep your mouth shut. Let your lawyer do the talking or you might just end up with a term in the slammer.

If you do, don't bend over in the shower.