SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What do I do now. Wife cheated with same guy again with same guy after 15 months of NC. Said she had to get closure. Don't believe if your screwing that counts as closure

I'm so sorry. Do you have children?

What were the consequences for her doing it again?

After the first time did she go into IC? Did she hand over passwords and give you total transparency on her phone and social media? What did you do to set boundaries and consequences? If these things did not happen, the history here shows that relapse is common.

But at rock bottom she knows what her affair did to you, and she chose to do it again. So that says she never felt remorse and empathy for the devastation she wreaked on you. She put her selfish sick desire to “finish” with him ahead of you and your kids. Can you forgive that? Can you respect the woman she has now shown you she really is? Is she a role model for your daughters and a pillar of what your sons should for in a wife?

Tell us more about your situation and many will share their experiences and insights.

I am so sorry you are going through this.

[This message edited by Odonna at 2:15 PM, April 15th (Monday)]

Unless you are playing by baseball rules 3 strikes and you're out you should be done

You should at least call a lawyer

Seems to me going NC counts as closure. What she did is just plain old cheating.

I am not sure how you would come back from this one. She may need closure again in a few month, or years. Like she didn't cause enough pain the first time. This is just twisting the knife. Not R material..

Sorry you're here....

[This message edited by ItsNotMe at 2:19 PM, April 15th (Monday)]

Serve her divorce papers and tell her you need closure too.

I’m sorry Rockmond. She is not a safe partner for you. She wasted a second chance and disregarded the pain you would experience. Please get a therapist to help you deal with the trauma and to reinforce that you deserve much better.

Firstly. What do you want to do?

28 yrs together is a long time, but sadly it appears you have lost this fight. She has given her heart/desires to another.

It is going to take you a little while to be able to accept this, but unfortunately she has chosen this road for you and your family to take.

Your choices are either rip the bandage off(Divorce her), and let the healing begin, or try to gradually heal it(attempt reconciliation again).

Either way, its going to be painful..

There is one sure thing though.. If you walk away now, you can at least feel with in your self that you have tried. That the children will be proud of this. If you stay this time, what does that project.. And how further down the road of recovery would you be if you showed serious consequences, and devorced/seperated from her the first time.

Make sure your decision this time is done with a projection to the future. Where is the most light/happiness/endearment is going to happen. Can staying with her this time going to accomplish this or is darkness going to remain in your home and life from here on in. Or ending it will remove the dark and allow light back into your life.

My thoughts and positive feelings to you as you decide and move forward.

Sorry Rockmond, sounds like time for a lawyer. Im sick for you.

Rockmond49, I'm sorry you have a reason to be here. Can you give us more details so that we can help you?

Do you have children? How long have you been married and in a relationship with her? Is the AP (affair partner) married?

Keep posting and know that we are all here for you.

While you are here, check out the pinned posts on the front page of this forum. Also look in the yellow box on the left, right above Dr. Phil, check out the Healing Library over there.

Lots of good advice.

Hang in there brother. First and foremost is taking care of yourself.

Eat whenever you can. I know that food probably isn't too appealing at this point. If you can't do real food, try protein shakes.

The focus is to keep you healthy.

Next is to see your dr. They can help with several problems you might be having. Depression, Anxiety, insomnia, they've seen it all before.

Don't be afraid to tell them why you are there.

The biggest reason to see your dr. is to get checked out for STDs. It's a huge problem.

Next, try to find a physical activity that might be able to take your mind off of this pure hell.

My goto was Taekwondo. When I was through with a workout, I was so exhausted that I could get a little rest. Plus, they would let me kick people and not go to jail !

Do you have anyone to confide in? A parent, preacher, sibling, stranger on the street? I had so much support it wasn't funny. All it took was me putting it out there.

You never know what someone is going through unless your brave enough to share your struggles. I encourage you to find someone to confide in.

Keep posting and we'll be here.

It should be obvious what to do now

Here are your options :

You do nothing. Perhaps the cheating stops. Perhaps it continues with same guy or some other guy.

You tell her you do not accept the fact she had contact with the OM. She makes promises this was only “one time” and you believe her. So nothing changes.

You tell her that unless she attends counseling and faces up to her issues - you will have no choice but to leave her. She then placates you and she makes some half hearted attempt to address her cheating. But there is a chance the Affair is underground and has not fully ended. Or it appears to have ended.

You tell her the marriage is over. You get an attorney and divorce her, knowing you gave it your best effort but she chose to disrespect you and your marriage by having contact with the OM.

Those are your options.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:39 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

See an attorney

it's seems this is closure for your marriage. how could you see this any other way?

violating NC and going off for more action appears to be the final actions of a serial cheater. she's addicted to AP.

You know 2 things.

1. She has the capability to cheat.

2. She proved that by doing it again so you really can't trust her.

You know what to do but like a lot you are indecisive.

Do you want to live looking over your shoulder?

Get your closure through an attorney. I do wish you well.

Sadly, it is time to close the marriage. Your wife decided to end the marriage when she went back after 15 months. I would file for divorce. I would inform the man's wife (if he is married). You said your poured your soul into "us and her". What did she do? What work did she do? There is a lack of understanding of the pain she caused if she had to go back to get closure. What does that even mean?

She may be counting on you doing nothing.

Maybe that is why she broke the no contact agreement.