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It is good to hear that you have everything lined up legally but sucks that your kid had to see what her mom has brought to the family.

Now it's up to you to look out for your daughter and yourself. Seeing how you've handled it up to now, I think she is in good hands.

she responded “Well its not like we are actually getting divorced; we can still change our minds at anytime right?”. Its like she refused to believe that divorce was impending

I guess it's pretty clear to her now. Hang in there.

[This message edited by MickeyBill2016 at 1:55 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

She replied that she was sorry that she had hurt me but just needed time to process what had happened and was still seeking separation but honestly felt like there was no hope for our marriage.

As you've seen this was just convenient to get you out of the way so she could complete her plans with the other man.

Stay strong. Affairs only thrive in secret and darkness. Now that you've exposed it puts you more in control of the situation.

Exposure is a cheaters worst nightmare. A light shown on their actions. It won't be as fun now that everyone knows.

How did you send his wife all of that information? If it was through a message, email,text,voice mail, Facebook, etc,etc, then it wont get to her. He knows by now that you caught your wife,so he is watching every possible avenue for you to send her that information. He will intercept it.

Dont message her parents again. It sounds like they believe him,and would rather protect their daughter from the truth.

Gather up all your information, make copies of it, and send it to her work address, via registered letter. One that requires her (and only her) signature. If you cant find her work address, send it the same way,to her home address.

Typically the OM will throw their ow under the bus,once their wife finds out. Your wife may then want to work on the marriage. Dont be her Plan b.

she responded “Well its not like we are actually getting divorced; we can still change our minds at anytime right?”. Its like she refused to believe that divorce was impending

Her mindset is: if the relationship with other man doesn't work out you'll still be there but I owe it to myself to try him out.

It's all about her. You don't matter all that much

How did you send his wife all of that information? If it was through a message, email,text,voice mail, Facebook, etc,etc, then it wont get to her. He knows by now that you caught your wife,so he is watching every possible avenue for you to send her that information. He will intercept it.

Good point.

For a nominal fee you could have a PI deliver it personally.

Yeah, I sent all the screenshots and recordings and messages to their Facebook, emails and phones. Her mom told me she shared the information with her daughter because she thinks the husband is a POS. The wife doesnt work, she stays at home with the kids so I could always mail it or drop it off at the door while he is at work but thats more effort than I am willing to put into it.

Ive done my part, if she doesnt get the information its not my problem. I dont care any longer if the A continues. It no longer affects me.

Is your wife out of the home now?

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 3:38 PM, April 17th (Wednesday)]

BS ONLY

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:54 PM, October 14th (Monday)]

I’m sorry it came to this.

You treated your wife with decency and respect.

Unfortunately you cannot say the same about how she treated you.

I hope things get better in the future.

So quick update, just got a call from the OG's wife. She definitely knows now!

She confirmed that he has not told her the truth, denied sleeping with my wife, denied there was an emotional affair.

What really got her fires up though was when I told her that he had taken her kids and met my wife at the pool with my kid. That didn't go over real well.

And no, getting her fired isn't in my best interest. There is no judge deciding our case, it's already done. Losing her job now means a harder time for my daughter.

Wow. I am sure your wife knows that POS AP's wife knows. Has she said anything to you?

Nice job on exposure. Better late than never.

Poor muffin will not be happy.

You pissed all over her new fantasy life.

And no, getting her fired isn't in my best interest. There is no judge deciding our case, it's already done. Losing her job now means a harder time for my daughter.

You are correct. The STBXW will need to work.

Push that D through now that you have good terms.

You said that your wife attacked you last night. You need to make a police report and possibly get a restraining order against her. She needs to start feeling the consequences for her repeated poor actions. Be there to comfort your DD as much as possible. Reaffirm that she has done nothing wrong. You and mom both love her. Mom has broken too many promises she made to dad when we got married. Now she has to leave. She is no longer your worry. Let her stay with family or friends now. Let her visit DD til she finds herself an appropriate living space that your DD has her own bedroom. Stand by your standards and values. Become the rock that your DD can and will always rely on.

You said that your wife attacked you last night. You need to make a police report and possibly get a restraining order against her. She needs to start feeling the consequences for her repeated poor actions.

You also don't want to get blindsided with domestic violence accusations. Speak with a lawyer and/or the police ASAP.

[This message edited by ibonnie at 6:16 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

Sorry man but DD is phucked no matter what happens to your old lady.....her mom and dad are splitting up!

What you can do is be there for DD cuz her mom lost her job.

A good lesson for your kid....bad behavior has consequences.

No one said life was fair...even less so when one makes bad choices!

That's my $0.02

In the long haul it is a healthy lesson to be learned at such an age?

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 6:54 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

Your kid is 10....in 2 years she is going to change a lot!

You may as well get the new family dynamic ironed out now.

From where I'm sitting you have another shyt storm heading your way, so take care of this one now.

For what it's worth your kid will smooth out in 10 years, but for now.....in my experience... you can't control the way a kid unfolds...you just have to be there when it does. So please you must be in a better place when your kid is in her teens!

[This message edited by TheGuy123 at 7:16 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]

Your story reminds me of my own in many ways. My exWW hit me out of the blue with a request for divorce, insisted on separation, and then DDay came not long after. Like your STBXWW, mine was having an exit affair and had no interest in trying to work things out. She tried to string me along during the separation with no intention of working things out all the while lining up her next step with her AP. The main difference between your WW and mine is that mine was having an affair with a single guy so there was no OBS to inform.

Unlike you, I went nuclear on DDay. Full exposure to family, friends, and both of their employers. I made sure her disgusting deeds were out there for the world to see. She insisted on continuing her affair and is still with her AP, but she paid a high price for doing so. She lost nearly all of her friends, her professional reputation is in the toilet, and worst of all for her, her relationship with her parents went to shit and has never recovered. She's now the family embarrassment and frankly, that's a designation she has earned and deserves to carry for the rest of her life.

I was and am glad I chose the path I did. Truth is liberating.

savingmyfamily,

Reading your story, I suspect that your STBXWW is in the land of rainbows and unicorns right now. She felt neglected and instead of addressing the issue by having a good wife husband talk, she decided to seek attention elsewhere. I also bet that for the AP it was all fun, while he had no intention to leave his wife.

Your WW may get dumped by her AP and may get back to reality. She may change her tune at that point (or she may not and just go along with the D).

If she « wakes up » and tries to go back to you, I suggest you think about how you want to proceed. Just be ready just in case.

As a final suggestion, once you D, I suggest you orient your decisions in the optics of what is best for your daughter. That could mean your WW keeping her job, and be courteous (or at least not too confrontational) to your WW (even if she doesn’t deserve it). It sucks I know, I’ve been there, got the t-shirt

I have no doubt that you’ll be just fine in the long run, you seem to be well in control of your emotions and goal oriented.

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 8:30 PM, April 16th (Tuesday)]