SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have read many posts where women cheat after giving birth to a child.

They use the excuse of Post Partum Depression.

Can you guys provide anything regarding this. Topic

Wouldn't say it's guaranteed but Rick Reynolds describes the most common marital situations and includes the first year after childbirth as one of them.

This was not the case for us, our child was 3 when the emotional aspect of her affair started.

Aside from the fact that I am not a cheater, have never cheated, and believe I never would cheat...

I had post partum anxiety though, not depression, so I was constantly checking to make sure my baby was still breathing. I realized it was a problem when I noticed my oldest was checking to see if the baby was still breathing, too. I gave him the impression that SIDs is way more common than in reality.

I can't imagine cheating after having a baby, because in my experience, I wouldn't have the time or energy. Not to mention I breastfeeding, and adjust/getting comfortable with a new body, and just... I'm pretty much with my kids 24/7, and I lead by example. I don't kill bugs, I give change to homeless people begging on the street, and I wait for the Walk/Don't Walk sign to cross the street. I just really can't fathom cheating on their father with them around. That would be shitty, selfish "parenting," and my kids come first.

Who is Rick Reynolds

Do you mean like "right" after? I don't know. I agree with ibonnie, that I can't imagine a time where I'd be less likely to have an affair than the year or so after having a baby. I was lucky enough to avoid PPD however, so I can't speak for those who experienced it.

That said, my MC told us that it's common for affairs to take place after major life events (ie. weddings, graduations, having kids, loss of a job, illness, deaths, etc) as these types of events trigger stress/losses of identity. Obviously different people react to this stress differently. When I think of it this way, I suppose I can see how having a child could be a contributing event for someone with poor boundaries/coping mechanisms (obviously not a good excuse).

Rick Reynolds founded Affair Recovery, is a wayward himself and does therapy/counseling focused on infidelity.

I cheated years before having kids. I had PPA after my firstborn and PPD after my second.

Post partum depression is not an excuse for having an A. I had depression after having kids, husband was away a lot, so didn't contribute much of the time, and I didn't cheat. Nearly all my friends with first children of the same age were on antidepressants, but none cheated AFAIK.

W always have an excuse. PPD is just another one. I can see how having a child would be a trigger, but PPD is not a valid reason to my mind.

I don't know if some women do. I have 4 kids and am carrying number 5, and have never cheated or even considered it. I am the BS. I am curious if there's a similar pattern with husband's that cheat on pregnant wives or postpartum wives? My DD I was 3 months postpartum. And while I know hormones factor in on my part, in my personal situation he seems to "rebel" more while I'm pregnant. And I mean by that he acts annoyed and being held accountable in our marriage or keeping agreements, wants more freedom, etc. Maybe having a child affects both men and women in some cases? If they have the cheating characteristics already maybe that's something that triggers it more? Interesting topic.

[This message edited by Kb82 at 5:41 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

My WW started cheating when she was 45. Our girls were in university or already graduated. AFAIK she didn't cheat after the birth of our daughters.

I've read that husbands with newborns have cheated. I don't know how common but I've read it here on SI. Same thing though - not a reason to commit adultery in either case.

I am curious if there's a similar pattern with husband's that cheat on pregnant wives or postpartum wives?

My WH started his affair when our (really tough, colicky infant) was a couple months old. Shortly after d-day one of the dumbass things he said was that I "never wanted to go out and have fun anymore." Hmm... I was nursing every two hours, round the clock, suffering from undiagnosed PPA, and was lucky if I could fit in a shower every two days. "Going out and having fun" was so far down on my list of things to do. It was more like, 1. survive, 2. sleep in one hour increments for months on end, 3. don't lose it and shake the baby that's been crying for six hours straight and just WILL. NOT. STOP.

His equally stupid AP was parroting into his ear that he was such a *great dad* and that people hired babysitters to go out all the time. I just didn't want to spend time with him. Instead of offering to babysit so he could have a night out with his wife, she invited him back to a hotel room after work one day, so...

To be clear, the one time we went out, our baby was about 2-months-old, and my parents (who had babysit our oldest many, many times, including overnight and for a weekend here and there) called us, apologized, and begged us to come back. The baby had screamed for three hours straight and refused to take a bottle.

Anyways. I'm getting off topic, but I've noticed many pregnant or newly post partum moms on here that have been cheated on. I think many wayward husbands are just too selfish to be good dads, and when their wife is adjusting to being pregnant or a new baby, instead of helping out and taking care of their partner/family that needs it, they go look for attention elsewhere.

[This message edited by ibonnie at 5:52 PM, August 9th (Friday)]

Ironically the only time my wife hasn't cheated is after being diagnosed with post parturm depression.

If they do, I think it's just one of many excuses. My WH cheated after we lost a child ... I think it's just human nature (by both the WS and the BS) to grasp for excuses. Again after losing a child - cheating was the LAST thing on my mind.

I think the common thread here is that cheaters don't cheat for reasons other than the fact that they're selfish, childish, entitled pieces of shit who don't care much about anyone other than themselves. Women don't cheat because of PPD. Men don't cheat because their pregnant wives can't do wheelies on the motorcycle while holding a fifth of Jack Daniels anymore. They cheat because they're terrible people. Period.

Looking for patterns or triggers is futile. As h0pless said, men and women both do it in all phases of life, when pregnant, with infants, with adolescents, with teens, etc. The only thing they need are feelings of entitlement and a willingness to betray and manipulate in order to feed their selfish desires.

Plenty of examples on SI proving that no time is sacred and no life event big enough to sway a cheaters mindset.

I was 2 months postpartum with our 2nd in 2 years when my ws started his affair. I was struggling bigtime and communicating that fact to him! Told him i felt different, off, alone and thought it was ppd. He took that as liberty to convince me I was hormonally crazy when i started to question him. What a good guy. And the bastard is now trying his damndest to convince me to agree to having baby #3. Sorry, not from me.

Mine did, 6 mos or less after her second child.

My wife did after our second child was 2 years old. My wife did have Post Partum Depression and expresses it as one of the reasons for cheating.