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My divorce comes after 41 years of marriage. So many memories, so many holidays, so many friends. It makes me cry if I think about all good things that we are losing. I don't want to be depressed so I have decided to focus on the bad things I am losing instead. Yesterday, I grabbed a pen and paper and made a list of all of the crappy things I won't have to deal with anymore. I won't list them all here (it's a long list 😃).I'll give you #1;

I won't have to hear him accusing politicians and others of being liars and unscrupulous people. Not that I disagree with him, but I am tired of the accusations being hurled by an unscrupulous liar!

Go ahead, make a list and share one of two here if you like. You will feel better

[This message edited by Notriangle at 12:50 PM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

I won't have to hear him yell at my niece for playing with our (MY) dog.

I won't have to hear him complain about every little inconvenience to him, and hear him repeat said complaint to EVERYONE he encounters. (If someone cut him off in traffic, he followed the person long enough to be able to yell at them and flip them off, then bitched about it for an hour. Then bitched about it for another hour when we saw anyone he knew, then for another hour when somebody else showed up that hadn't heard the story).

I won't have to hear him argue with his family, or my family.

I won't have to see him hit my dog again. (my #1)

I won't have to deal with his moodiness and his attitude affecting my own state of mind.

My bed will get made every day.

I won't have to deal with him doing half-assed crap to "fix" things in house/car that invariably always broke worse and ended up costing more.

I will not have to deal with his neurotic and insecure feelings when I would ask him not to "fix" shit for that very reason.

I won't have to clean up his messes anymore.

You're right, this is good. Like, I may need to make my own list at home!

I won't have to hear him bitch about his job and he isn't appreciated for all he does and how the bosses are such slackers. (They aren't.)

I won't have to pick up after him again.

I won't have to wake up to a dirty kitchen.

This is brilliant. I have quite a few and I think this is cathartic so here goes my long list.

I won’t miss his psycho, dramatic, needy mother (and his other immediate family members) interrupting our dinner time to complain about something - anything...

On that same note, I won’t miss his rude ass mother when she insults my religion or culture, or makes sly remarks about my family, which has been nothing but supportive and welcoming and polite to her lying disgusting ass.

Also on that note, won’t miss his mom complaining about her other daughter in law who she claims “trapped her son” by getting pregnant.

I won’t miss his whore cousins who never liked me for absolutely no reason.

I won’t miss his snoring keeping me up at night.

I won’t miss his political rants as if he knows what he’s talking about.

I won’t miss him complaining that my parents’ puppy is misbehaved and my parents don’t do a good job training him (ps- this puppy is the love of my life).

I won’t miss going away to his family home for the weekend when I’d rather be stabbing my own eyeballs.

I won’t miss his brother asking for money behind my back (probably to pay for hookers when he has a wife and baby at home because he’s more of a sexual deviant than WH is).

I won’t miss having to do someone else’s dishes, cooking for 2, picking up his pile of clothes, and wiping piss off the toilet seat every day.

I won’t miss his secret lavish purchases he’s made and freaking out about how well ever be able to afford a house together.

I won’t miss him switching careers for the 20th time and me supporting him emotionally along the way.

I won’t miss his bouts of excessive drinking at special events and humiliating me or abandoning me.

I won’t miss his erratic driving while I’m in the passengers seat and my family’s in the back and I’m screaming and crying for him to stop racing the douche in the other lane.

I won’t miss flirting with other women in front of me while he claims he’s not flirting but just being himself and I can’t accept him for the outgoing person he is.

I won’t miss arguing over every effing thing every day - can’t remember a day we didn’t have at least one argument or negative interaction about something.

I won’t miss him being on the phone all day - or the sound of his texts alerts going off - while we’re trying to watch a movie together or are out somewhere.

I won’t miss him locking himself in the office to “do work” but actually waiting for me to go to bed so he can watch porn in peace.

I won’t miss feeling alone in my relationship.

I won’t miss being lied to and questioning everything that comes out of his mouth.

I won’t miss his unhealthy habits that creeped into my life and contributed to me gaining an entire small child in pounds (I’ve lost 60 lbs since my separation, btw.)

I won’t miss wondering whether my future child would inherit the same sick traits his family has.

I won’t miss him watching hours of car videos when I just want to watch Bravo in peace without being lectured about it.

I won’t miss finding his searches of women on fb he used to have relations with.

I won’t miss him experimenting with his facial hair because he’s having another existential crisis.

I won’t miss wondering what trash he’s interacting with / being influenced by at work.

I won’t miss hanging out with his asshole friend who has insulted me, poked my belly to imply I was fat, and encouraged him to go out but leave the wife at home - while WH never stuck up for me.

I won’t miss the instability of it all.

I won’t miss all the drama and the stress and unease it caused in my life.

That’s all I got for now.

[This message edited by Echo86 at 11:59 AM, August 22nd (Thursday)]

Wow, Echo86! That's quite a list! Hope you feel better!

#2 on my list;

I won't have to hear him putting down other people, my family, his family, friends, etc. Nice to their face and ugly behind their back.

I think it is healthy to see the things we won't miss. It's better to write it down or post it here, as opposed to saying it to your ex. No rebuttal😊.

I kept a list of these things plus his transgressions against me handy for a long time. Kept me grounded when I wanted to reach out or if I started feeling myself softening. Keep the list going!!

I don’t have to deal with the nuclear waste site our bathroom was whenever he used it.

And no one goes behind me re-doing whatever I did because I didn’t do it his way. (And I mean anything...trivial or important).

OMG I love this....

I won't miss him taking 45 minute long craps.

I won't miss him leaving beard hair alllllll over the bathroom.

I won't miss walking from working hard all day and seeing his lazy ass playing on his tablet/phone in the corner of the couch.

On that note, I don't miss the stomachache I used to get when I'd get in the car to come home at the end of the day.

Also don't miss feeling like I just want to keep driving until I hit an ocean (I'm in CO) and change my name and not go home.

I also don't miss the fucking YouTube car shit that I had to watch all the fucking time on a TV that I bought and paid for.

I don't miss dealing with his retarded insecurities about the weirdest shit.

I do NOT miss his socks being absolutely fucking everywhere. Seriously, I think he owned about 400 socks....

I will not miss having my garage be free of whatever stupid project he was working on with his car. That somehow takes up half of a two car garage.

I will not miss the snark he would dish out when I told him I was fine taking my car to the shop (cus he doesn't know near as much about cars as he thinks and I didn't want him fucking with my car).

I will not miss getting shit gifts on bdays and Christmas when I spent a lot of time making/buying nice things for him.

I will not miss the condescending tone he used to speak about everyone on the planet.

I will not miss his BO.

I will not miss his 'singing' - cus he sucked at it and didn't think he did.

I will not miss crying quietly in the bed at night so he couldn't hear me because he would not ever even try to comfort me.

I will not miss his complete lack of empathy and give a shit.

I will not miss being the only adult in the house working (well.... I mean, I will be the only one working) while he sits on his ass and does nothing constructive for my existence.

I will not miss his thinking he is the most intelligent person in the history of ever.

I will not miss listening to his fucking retarded ideas about the future and how he was going to run for office, or join WWE, or open a garage, or whatever other stupid idea he had that day. Like, try making the bed, getting a job, and taking care of your wife, then maybe think about all that other stuff hmm?

I won't miss him getting mad at me for forgetting stuff at the store even though he didn't tell me we needed that, or offer to go to the damn store himself even though he was home all day.

When xh left I promised my kids that our property lines were our safe haven. I don’t have to deal with his angry temper tantrums bc I started calling the police every time he showed up here!

I no longer have to deal with him staring/ogling at every woman in the vicinity! (I just realized I finally feel good about myself. It’s taken 7 years to get his scummy creepiness off of me).

I don’t have to cringe at the ridiculous stuff he says.

I don’t have to worry about him grabbing my body.

I am, however, enjoying hearing from my kids that their Dad and OW fight all the time!!

Thank you for this topic, notriangle.

BearlyBreathing,

I like your idea of keeping a list of transgressions too. I won't miss him much when I think of how badly he has treated me.

Yeah, Notriangle. 41 years for you. 42 for me. Ain't that just wonderful.

That's quite the lists Ellie and Echo.

My IC told me to make a list to review when I started getting nostalgic. It's quite a list of things she did.

I ❤️ lists

steadychevy,

Being treated so badly after decades of marriage is hard to take. Feels like I am being discarded like a pair of old shoes or something. Like things that mean everything to me just mean nothing to him. That's going o my list.☺

traicionada,

I love lists too. Good way to stay grounded and motivated.

I don't have to deal with his serial cheating and the accompanying humiliation anymore.

This is so great. ❤️

I won’t miss the messes and clutter he leaves in his wake.

I won’t miss buying nothing but sugary snacks and junk food.

I won’t miss making his car payment.

I won’t miss making his cell phone payment.

I won’t miss planning and paying for dates.

I won’t miss planning and paying for vacations.

I won’t miss Welch’s Fruit Snacks.

I won’t miss being made to feel stupid for enjoying the music, movies and TV I enjoy.

I won’t miss being lied to daily about girls being “just friends”

I won’t miss being begged to go to concerts and pay for the tickets, only to be told it would’ve been more fun without me.

I won’t miss being made, unkowingly, to be friends with many of the affair partners.

I won’t miss being told “I love you” when he really means “I love using you.”

I won’t miss being told the lack of sex is my fault, while I beg for him to sleep in our bed instead of the couch or the guest bed.

I won’t miss being constantly depressed and overwhelmed with anxiety because of the daily lies over years.

I won’t miss him. He was garbage.

Seeing as my ex-fiancé had sex with random men in our bed then at the top of my list would be that I no longer have to worry about sleeping on unexpected wet-spots after a night-shift.

sleeping on unexpected wet-spots after a night-shift.

Eww.

I’m only 3 days out from separation from the serial cheater but here’s mine.

I don’t have to hear his incessant coughing every 2 minutes that he never went to get checked out but always insisted on my sympathy

I don’t have to pretend to agree with people when they tell me what a wonderful person he is

I don’t have to go to his family’s gatherings & play happy families

I don’t have to watch him flirt with my friends and waitresses

I don’t have to watch him ogle random women

I won’t be manipulated into open relationships & threesomes because I feel I owe him for all the love bombing

I won’t have to be the marriage police any longer

I won’t feel obliged to hold his hand or submit to public petting & kissing because of his hurt sadz if I don’t

I won’t be having sex when I don’t want because I’m afraid he’ll go elsewhere

downunderchump,

I think I know what you about the marriage police thing. I am 60 years old. Why would I want to waste one more minute of my life trying to figure out who he is talking to, why he is late, etc? Definitely on my list of things that won't be missed! I am not going to waste precious minutes of my life on someone who is not trustworthy. You know who I can trust? Me!

Hello all, this is an amazing thread. I’m only a month in to separation with a month of emotional abuse before that (I fled with the children as soon as he let it spill that he was having an affair)

My list

I will not miss his snoring

I will not miss his bad breath and lying about not smoking when I can smell it on him. Nor him constantly passing wind.

I will not miss being swore at or witnessing my children being swore at

I will not miss being humiliated for doing things that he should be praising me for like going through labour of our first child who was 9lb 9oz and got stuck in the way out (oh she couldn’t cope with the pain, was mooing like a cow)

I will not miss his ego, thinking he is gods gift and he is right about everything.

I will not miss him grabbing at my body, especially in public or in front of our children and being told that I’m frigid and a bitch for not letting him

I will not miss him pretending I’m not invited to his friends weddings, work dos, family events and then finding out I was but he didn’t want me too

I will not miss him getting excessively drunk at social events to do with my friends and family, embarrassing me and being sick or have to be carried home

I will not miss cleaning up after him

I will not miss being pestered for sex and being told he can’t be bothered to talk/spend time with me but just wants to get his leg over

I will not miss being lonely in our marriage because he had to work lots of hours and when he was home he would be on his phone

I will not miss being lied to and him constantly saying he would never lie because he is a rubbish liar

I will not miss the emotional abuse he threw at me, I did not deserve it

I will not miss him putting a downer on my career because I didn’t earn as much as him

I will not miss looking at his old face (he looks like he aged 10 years the past 12months, probably from the pressure of living a double life) I thought he was ill because of the change.

Wow...I feel so much better.

[This message edited by Masa at 1:44 PM, August 30th (Friday)]