SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

While you're having trouble seeing it right now you will get through this.

Maybe the PI should follow her this weekend out of town.

keep it quiet about what you find so that when the D is over, you can turn it all over to her family. Especially since she will try to make you out to be the bad guy.

No, if she plays nice I won't do that. I'll dangle nonexposure in front of her as a carrot to get us through D as quickly as possible. If she complies, I'll just tell everyone that our relationship went south and D was for the best.

When I give my word I give it. I don't renege.

Maybe the PI should follow her this weekend out of town.

She's flying to Chicago with her mom to attend a funeral. She's only going to be gone from tomorrow afternoon to Saturday night. I'll have to get the PI in here right after I drop them off at the airport.

She doesn't know I'm actually filing for D yet. I'm not telling her.

[This message edited by Westway at 4:30 PM, October 10th (Thursday)]

I don't know if anyone has brought this up, but you've talked about your FIL in several posts, as in, you were concerned about what he might do to the OMs and maybe to you.

What if your STBXW were to tell her father that you made her do it. That it was your fetish. You had taken pictures to force her to keep doing it and you also threatened divorce. She only did it to pleased you and to keep the family together but she could no longer put up with it.

What evidence can you provide to say otherwise? After all, we've only got your side of the story.

Smart.

Keep her secret.... get out as fast as you can and let your old lady and her family deal with the next guy...

You no longer have to be her cover story...she will find a new guy....God help him!

She will ask...her lawyer will ask for a non disclosure agreement. You in return ask for a ...I forget.. but it's about keeping OM's away from the kids.

After you spend a month working out who gets the linen and coffee maker. You and her will spend another month working on what each can and can not do after the D.

Like you telling everyone she likes BBC or like her letting guys spend the night when she has the kids or who she lets around the kids. Most likely once property is split you all have to sign agreements that will protect you, her, and the kids with regard to co parenting agreements, slander (talking shyt about the other parent to the kids), and money.

Again you all have a lot to figure out and it while take time so please get the ball rolling

So, first weekend down. How you feeling?

I hope you still aren't in your bedroom. Maybe set yourself up a cot or inflatable bed.

Then your WW doesn't get the wrong idea. She still thinks she can seduce you back. You know that.

The PI found a lot of stuff on her computer. It was buried deep but he linked his way to it. I have to admit, for good or worse the man was worth the money I paid.

I haven't eaten more than two meals since Saturday. Can't keep anything down. The rabbit hole was deep. It just kept going down and down. The evidence confirms my WW is a first class cum depository. She had me so fooled for so many years. Since she came back home Sunday I haven't said more than three sentences to her. She can't understand why I won't talk to her or why I can't even look at her. Just looking at her fills me with rage and vomit inducing disgust. I haven't shown her what we found. The PI is adding another 200 or so pages of printouts, records and receipts to the dossier of evidence, along with a timeline. He's actually going to graph it! I get to show my WW the folly of her life all spread out on a Gantt chart. And then from her response I will decide whether or not this binder of evidence accidently falls into the hands of one of her crazy brothers.

This fucking piece of shit woman stole more than $20,000 from our joint income to pay for her trysts going back at least 5 years. Bitch.

Blow it up! Sorry brother

to bad you are not in North Carolina - you could sue the APs

On the other hand, can you ask for that money back in your divorce? At least half?

Westway, man am I sorry to hear about your story. It really sucks that your options are limited with the in law situation. Sometimes you just have to go nuclear and burn it all down before you can start over (figuratively). Just remember there are real people here at SI that care about you specifically and you're in our thoughts. Try to stay strong for yourself and the kids.

This fucking piece of shit woman stole more than $20,000 from our joint income to pay for her trysts going back at least 5 years. Bitch.

Yet, she was a penny pinching bitch with the budget. WTF. You need to call her on that too. Maybe ruin her favorite clothing article too. Just to feel better. It is half yours, what is she going to say?

Exactly. Sorry dude. How many years did she confess to before? What is the deficit of the balance?

it's about keeping OM's away from the kids.

Someone mentioned this. Just tell your daughter and ask her to choose you in the terms. They let teenagers make the choice on who is defined the main caregiver. Hell, she can emancipate at 16 and live with you by choice. Then she doesn't have to see her mom except on her terms. It cuts both ways though, so work with her like an adult if that is your best route.

I helped a girl I grew up who was in this situation. She emancipated, then she could come and go on her terms. Her mom cheated on her dad. The dad went crazy(drunk the second he got home) and the AP was crushing on her. She got the F out.

The reality is your WW will get 50% custody of the kids and her time will be her time. You can't control one thing around that. It's unenforceable.

Unless she's doing drugs (that you can prove) committing felonies, etc.

I just spoke with the PI. I'm meeting with him tomorrow and we are going to go through everything. I plan on giving her a bullet point list rundown on every sordid thing we found.

From what he has ascertained, going through the call and text logs, there have been at least twelve different men that she has been in contact with over the years going back to 2014. He has nailed down five of their names and is trying to get more.

I'll know more tomorrow. Right now I'm mad as hell and going to go to the gym before I fucking kill her.

You are very wise to get your ducks in a row and to keep a kid on the anger for now. You going to jail will not make anything better. But do buy a VAR for when you do co front, for two reasons: 1) you will want to replay the confrontation because there is much you will miss; and 2) you want a record of how you conducted yourself also, in case she makes a false DV claim, which unfortunately happens with fair regularity.

The kids and finances matter more than anything.

You can't control her or anything she does.

Better put some work in on letting her go fully. That is your best path.

She's a serial cheater extraordinaire

I agree with Marz. Focus on your kids and finances. I know you dont want to give the information to her family. Exposure changes everything. Let her deal with her consequences for her actions. She doesnt want you to look after anymore. Your just her paycheck. It ends now. Dont hide her secrets any longer. No need to talk to her besides for talk about D.