SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I stayed up late and searched the web last night and there are law firms here that do single lawyer mediation where the lawyer represents neither side. It is faster and much cheaper. I'm going to call some of these firms and see what they can offer me, then talk to WW about it.

Westway,

even if you go the mediation route, the mediator most likely will want both of you to have counsel to review any agreement. I do this for a living and the first thing I always do is tell them to get their own counsel to review everything because as a mediator we are not allowed to give them legal advise,. We work with them to get them to accept a resolution. sometimes the clients are seeking more legal advice than mediation and should go to an attorney.

should I start divorce now but wait until after the new year to announce to the family that we are splitting up?

Why not? It takes a while no matter what route you take when kids are involved. So go ahead and start things, then mention you won't tell her family if she can keep it in her pants.

Then your kids get 1 last great set of holidays with the whole family.

Since she was caught by the PI with three guys in a short period of time, I think it is not out of the question that she has been cheating most of your marriage.

You might want to DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours. I know you will continue to love them as your own but it might be better to know for sure for medical reason.

A friend of mine has a young daughter who was in the hospital with what was apparently a genetic disease. The doctors were stumped because nothing was shown in his nor his wife's family history.

The kid went through a lot of hit or miss treatments until a doctor suddenly realized that the wife and husbands blood type could not produce a child with her blood type. A DNA test confirmed he was not the biological father.

The child got the treatment that worked...finally.

He divorced his wife.

I see no point for you to delay the divorce any longer. She has told you she will continue to cheat.

Posted by Timsc:

You might want to DNA the kids just to make sure they are yours. I know you will continue to love them as your own but it might be better to know for sure for medical reason.

The deal is his wife wants to have sex with black guys.

Since Westway is white, chances are if she were knocked up by her affair partner the kids would look biracial.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 3:46 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

And my kids are nearly grown. I won't put them through that DNA mess. They are mine. They look like me. They are the only half Italian girls in this city with red hair and freckles. They both have my cleft chin. My WW promised me that the men she was fucking wore raincoats. And I have already gotten tested for STDs. I have to go back in a few weeks and get tested again to make sure no HIV or HPV since those can take a while to show. It's so much fun being humiliated when I go to the lab.

I asked my WW a few days ago if she has any more humiliating surprises in store for me. It's like being a contestant on Price is Right. Is there gang-bangs behind door #1? Anal fissures behind door #2? Another maxed out secret credit card I don't know about behind door #3? Stupid tramp.

[This message edited by Westway at 3:32 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

Posted by Westway:

My WW promised me that the men she was fucking wore raincoats.

That is in competition for the most common lie told by cheaters, especially cheating wives, along with "we only kissed", "we only fucked once/twice", and other classics.

Closer to the truth is more likely that may e a condom for used a couple of times.

Sorry to be the bearer of shitty likelihoods, but one thing you should know is that cheaters lie about damn near everything.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 3:51 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

That is in competition for the most common lie told by cheaters, especially cheating wives, along with "we only kissed", "we only fucked once/twice", and other classics.

Closer to the truth is more likely that may e a condom for used a couple of times.

Sorry to be the bearer of shitty likelihoods, but one thing you should know is that cheaters lie about damn near everything.

Yeah just keep shoveling it on man. One more shovelful of shit on the mountain of turds she covered me with.

Anybody else want to dump more vile reality turds on me? Step right up, only a quarter a shovelful.

I think I'm going to take a break for a few days. I'll be back. Talk amongst yourselves, make yourselves at home. There is leftover baked ziti in the fridge.

Hey Westway, I really don't want to "dump turds" on you.

I was the person who said that your kids are pretty sure to be yours, since they are not biracial.

When I, or somebody else gives you the heads up on the bullshit that cheaters say, poking holes in your wife's lies, the point is for you to be forewarned so you don't have to process the pain of yet more revelations later on when you are starting to heal, ripping the wound open afresh.

Because of the virtually 100% predictable lies that cheaters always say, you are in a place where you can learn before you get clobbered - again - by the person who betrayed you.

I do understand that it is hard to read this stuff coming at you so fast, and I am sorry if it is too much for you at the moment.

[This message edited by faithfulman at 8:05 PM, October 9th (Wednesday)]

Start moving with the D.

It takes time to get everything together, paper work, looking for old docs., and even waiting a day or two for your old lady to see you gets the crockpot and blender...

My point is it could take a few months and what better way to start a new year with a new life???

Look at it this way it might take you until Nov. to decide who gets what...at the very least have her served now.

If that hidden credit card shows up you will be glad you had her served sooner rather then latter!

Westway, this is the anger stage in the stages of grief. Being angry with other posters is very common. You don’t want to be here. You don’t want all these people to be right. Sadly, they are almost always right. I think you can actually call this stage enraged. You feel like lashing out at all of us. Instead use some of that superhuman power coursing through your body right now to punch a bag, box or just run.

This pain is finite but it still takes time.

Look after your health.

And give your kids a hug.

Westeay,

Your daughter is old enough to know the truth. I would be concerned about the influence your Cheater might have on your daughter. So, divorce sooner might be better

I state the race issue only inasmuch as it should have precluded her from ever dating or marrying a man of a race she is not attracted to.

Westway

She married you to get what she wanted and she did. She had a good family man that her family approved of that gave her a great lifestyle. Plus she could have the type of men she preferred on the side with you making enough money to pay for the hotel room. Win, win, win

[This message edited by Michigan at 10:56 AM, October 17th (Thursday)]

Anybody else want to dump more vile reality turds on me? Step right up, only a quarter a shovelful.

There's another way to look at your life, 180 degrees differently. I'm serious.

You've got your health, you have two daughters who love you, you make a good living. Yes you are in a bad marriage, but you know what - you aren't the only one! You can get through this. You may not realize how strongly you've handled this situation, but you have. You're way, way ahead of most guys who post an infidelity thread here. Ending a marriage isn't easy, but what other fucking choice do you have? None if you want to stay sane.

I'll just sign off by saying you're only 51, you have a lot of life ahead of you, live it well.

[This message edited by SnowToArmPits at 1:48 AM, October 10th (Thursday)]

Westway, I'm sorry you are having a hard time. We all know infidelity is never easy to deal with.

"Yeah just keep shoveling it on man. One more shovelful of shit on the mountain of turds she covered me with. "

The comment about your WW's lies being common is not meant as an attack or to hurt you. I believe it was only meant to try to help, i.e. you cannot try your WW as she is a liar.

From what you have told us, your WW has lied to you for a long time, is embarrassed by her actions, wants to keep things secret and certainly wants to minimize the damage to herself. All of these things should be indicators to you that you cannot trust anything she tells you. In fact, I suggest that you assume anything she TELLS you is a lie, unless you can confirm it. Her ACTIONS will be more indicative of the truth. What has she does to help you? Is she trying to help you heal? Is she working to rebuild trust?

As it seems that you are ready for D, the best thing for her to do is keep her distance. I hope she is respecting your wishes, whatever they may be. If you have asked for space, she should give it to you.

As for taking a break, do whatever you need to protect yourself. Your needs are the most important.

Wife is going to be out of town over the weekend. I'm having the P.I. come over to go through her computer.

I've decided to D. I'm meeting with the lawyer next Thursday.

WW,

Just what she concealed about her life before you would be enough for me to divorce. Although I would consider it more of an annulment.

If I'm making a last stand, I'm gathering as much ammo off the battlefield as I can.

keep it quiet about what you find so that when the D is over, you can turn it all over to her family. Especially since she will try to make you out to be the bad guy.