SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

In your opinion?

I think for my two cents it's twice.

I could get behind "2" as the number. Most of the serials I know are way, way beyond 2, but, my reason for 2 is that, after the first one, you know what you're getting into. You understand the mechanics of an A, you know what you're going to get out of it, and on number 2, you choose to do it anyway. It's a way of saying "yes, I like what an A gives me" and "it's worth it", even knowing what you're going to do to your spouse when they find out.

I also think this is why serial cheating is more common among men. Expectations for an A and reality match more neatly with the "typical male desire" than female. It's basically NSA inside of a marriage; something that men typically find more valuable than women.

My H said that after the first A, subsequent As came more easily - it was like discovering it was possible once he crossed the line. So yes, someone with 2 As is on the serial cheater path.

2 affairs seems right.

If its ONS I would say 3 as I could more easily overlook a possible drank too much to even properly consent the first time. 2nd one being just stupid, 3rd makes you the full fledged serial asshole.

Twice or more. Once was a really bad set of choices leading up to an affair. Twice and this is just who you are.

I will say 1.5. What I mean by that is if you have the second affair with the same AP, I think in some cases that could make you a serial, especially if there was a lot of time apart. Serial to me means you have a compulsion towards cheating. I would say 1.5 as well if you have one affair but then inappropriate exchanges or behaviors that might indicate you've been craving cheating.

I think you can have an affair, but it may not be something you have a compulsion for. Like for some people it's just hard all the time for them not to cheat or act out. Others might have fallen into a bad space in their life or made decisions that took a situation too far, but won't repeat the behavior because they don't feel a compulsion towards it and they are no longer under the illusion the risk is worth the reward so to speak. People who serial cheat will always question whether the risk is worth the reward and they entertain their compulsions.

I think two is a good number. Two affairs shows a compulsion to engage in the behavior.

If they do it again after getting caught, I think it goes beyond "serial" and becomes pathological.

I think the mindset defines a serial cheater not the number of times, although the larger the number of times the more probable serial cheating becomes.

A serial cheater is a person who feels no remorse about having an affair, they plan to have affairs and are always looking for affair partners. If a serial cheater is very ugly or disabled or whatever they might never have an affair.

A contact cheater by contrast, is a person who does not intend to have an affair, but gets familiar with someone, and by spending time with them becomes attached. This could happen more than once in a lifetime.

From the perspective of the betrayed spouse however any more than one is torture++ for any reason.

I think a person who willfully and deliberately has had more than one extramarital romantic relationship. I think it doesn't even always have to result in a PA. Is there intent? Are they always looking and open to the possibility?

I said someone was a serial cheater because they cheated twice, which is the criteria for a serial killer. I was told I was wrong. I looked it up. The website I read said 3.

I still think 2 shows a pattern of behavior.

A serial cheater is a person who feels no remorse about having an affair, they plan to have affairs and are always looking for affair partners. If a serial cheater is very ugly or disabled or whatever they might never have an affair.

A contact cheater by contrast, is a person who does not intend to have an affair, but gets familiar with someone, and by spending time with them becomes attached. This could happen more than once in a lifetime.

I like these definitions, but I feel like the "serial cheat" definition really only applies to men. A woman "always looking" well, she's going to rack up 100 APs in a month. And I think that women can be serials too, and it doesn't take "always looking" to get there. For men, I tend to agree, racking up a few AP's, unless your rich, famous and good looking, well, that's going to take a lot of "looking for it" before you find the first one, let alone the next 1-2-3 (whatever).

Possibly also a serial cheater is addicted to having affairs.

A contact cheater is addicted to their affair partner.

If it’s with more than one AP then yes they are serial cheaters.

Now, why so harsh?

My Cheater thinks it’s unfair to paint him as a Serial Cheater because “I don’t do that anymore”

AP1, AP2, AP3? Plus decades of Wayward behavior, you know. The lies, rage, gaslighting, rug sweeping

What does a Serial Cheater look like if multiple fuckbuddies isn’t it?

Now, why so harsh?

Right?! Mine is so offended at the mention of SA or serial cheater! It's completely absurd!

I'm OK with 2 different partners - but only if one remembers that one is too many.

I'd like to go with a similar definition as a serial killer - twice with a cool down period. That can be a super short cool down period like if you have a ONS one night and another ONS with a different AP the second night, it counts. It also accounts for people who stop an A and then start back up again with the same AP.

[This message edited by nekonamida at 1:56 PM, October 11th (Friday)]

A serial cheater is a person who feels no remorse about having an affair, they plan to have affairs and are always looking for affair partners. If a serial cheater is very ugly or disabled or whatever they might never have an affair.

I'd caution only considering cheaters who don't feel remorse for multiple APs/instances of cheating as serial cheaters. Many do show remorse. And then they do it again. They may not have necessarily felt it though.

Doesn't fishing for an A count as infidelity even if they suck at it? I definitely wouldn't tell someone whose WS messaged tons of people online looking for an A that it doesn't count just because their WS failed to get physical or keep interest.