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KingRat ( member #60678) posted at 4:54 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019
What if the WS says, "I'm so sorry. I know I can't undo what I've done. I know you can't forgive me right now or forget what I've done, but I swear to you I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you and hopefully helping you heal. Here are a few of the things I am going to start doing today..."
Apology with evidence of regret and remorse? Will this help?
I think what would help the most is acceptance that there is no magic bullet that is going to slay this beast. It is a process that will yield results that will either start to repair the damage or provide you with proof that is it irreparable. Either way, it all starts with the first step. After which, you continue to put one foot in front of the other. At this point, I believe committing to seeing out the process will begin to provide some relief.
cocoplus5nuts ( member #45796) posted at 8:28 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019
But what is limbo anyway? Is it when a BS has not decided whether to D or R? If that's the case, upwards of 99.9% of the BS's on SI were in limbo from day one.
If that's the case, I was in limbo for at least 4 tears. Maybe kind of still am. I have been out of infidelity for almost 5 years.
To me, limbo is when a BP is doing nothing. Waiting for the CP to come around. Inaction. I don't see moving out of the home and separating as inaction. That's a pretty big action, imo.
Me(BW): 1970
WH(caveman): 1970
Married June, 2000
DDay#1 June 8, 2014 EA
DDay#2 12/05/14 confessed to sex before polygraph
Status: just living my life
36yearsgone (original poster member #60774) posted at 8:36 PM on Friday, October 18th, 2019
To me, limbo is when a BP is doing nothing. Waiting for the CP to come around. Inaction. I don't see moving out of the home and separating as inaction. That's a pretty big action, imo.
cocoplus5nuts:
I couldn't agree more. I may still experience the trauma of infidelity, but I feel moving out and separating, spared me from the limbo described by BFTG.
If you are absent during my struggles, don't expect to be present in my success.
36yearsgone (original poster member #60774) posted at 6:19 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2019
I spoke to a group about infidelity last night. My WS wanted to attend, so I brought her along.
Every person there was either a BS or WS; many were divorced.
I spoke for about 45 minutes and used the "stabbed through the heart" analogy with the WS standing over the dead body of their BS, saying "I'm sorry."
Lights went on in the eyes of the WS and BS.
My WS talked to me after I was finished and she said she finally understands. Good sign? Time will tell.
[This message edited by 36yearsgone at 12:20 PM, October 19th (Saturday)]
If you are absent during my struggles, don't expect to be present in my success.
fareast ( Moderator #61555) posted at 8:14 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2019
Great for you to share with others and “talk the talk”. Well done.
Never bother with things in your rearview mirror. Your best days are on the road in front of you.
36yearsgone (original poster member #60774) posted at 8:20 PM on Saturday, October 19th, 2019
Great for you to share with others and “talk the talk”. Well done.
fareast,
Thank you for your words. It was healing for me.
If you are absent during my struggles, don't expect to be present in my success.
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