SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

so my wife and i have been together for 27 years.i was 17 she was 16. she had gotten pregnant at 17. we had our first child. then we started a life together and eventually got married and had another child. bought a house and thought we lived a decent life. we had our normal arguments, but never physical. so then on july 15th i went to dinner with my kids and her family. she never liked the place so it wasnt uncommon for her to not go. we get home from dinner and my wife left a note that said she cant do this anymore and she left. For 2 months none of us heard from her. she changed her number and we had no way to contact her. little by little i find out she had an affair with a friend of mine who is married. then i find out she had another affair with another friend who is also married. she was having affairs with both guys for 4 years behind my back. now while doing all this in July she hooked up with another guy who she worked with. now its been almost 4 months and my wife still doesnt speak to her kids. we find out that she up and moved to vegas with this new guy almost a month ago and we found out last week. she couldnt even say goodbye. we live in Pa so she moved across the country. she has destroyed me as a person. she has destroyed her relationship with her kids. she gave up everything she cared about for a guy she doesnt even know. how can a person do this. sad i didnt even know what i did wrong and clearly it was her the whole time yet she blamedme

I am so sorry you are going through this. The pain of infidelity is horrible on its own, but to be abandoned in this cruel way is unforgivable.

Are you in therapy? I think that is crucial for you now, as you can only control yourself. What caused her to do thisbmay never be knowable, but therapy will help you come to terms with that. I gather your oldest is about 26? Is the younger child an adult also? They are going to need some counseling too.

Please read in the Healing Library in the yellow box on this site, and take care of yourself.

Mc, this is awful. It must really be a mind fuck that she won't even talk to her kids. In addition to Odonna's advice, see a lawyer and figure out what your rights are. She should be paying you child support even if she's choosing not to be a parent.

...little by little i find out she had an affair with a friend of mine who is married. then i find out she had another affair with another friend who is also married. she was having affairs with both guys for 4 years behind my back. now while doing all this in July she hooked up with another guy who she worked

Clearly she has no regard for you and your kids' best interests if she's prepared to screw around with your friends and her workplace for 4 years and then runs away. Please take advantage of the fact she has abandoned her children and the family home to get as much legal control as possible. You can always "relax" in years to come if you feel she's worth it.

Your wife is truly very broken but it is not your job to fix her even were you to have the chance. I wish you strength.

Midlife crisis on steroids. Her whole life was defined by 17. She never got find out who she is and has now mentally snapped. Unfortunately there is a limitless supply of creeps willing to take advantage of people in situations like this. She’s probably drinking heavily and maybe even using drugs. I’m sorry this is happening. You have to be strong for your kids. They need you more than ever now.

yes my daughter will be 26 soon and my son just celebrated his 21st on halloween! they both live with me as they are in alot of debt from school. my wife was the one that said they could stay as long as they needed and of course i agreed as they are my children. but for her to cut them off when she was so close to them is just blows my mind. i have been in therapy for 3 months because this truly devastated me. and my kids are hurt beyond belief.

I’m so sorry cor you and your children. This breaks my heart.

Listen if a woman willingly leaves her family, her children and husband of 27 years to go live with her AP, to me that's unforgivable, you SHOULD NOT take her back even if she comes back begging you for it, call an attorney and have her served, she abandoned the marital home take advantage of that now, don't forget to get tested for STDs, sounds like she's been cheating on you for a very long time, also ditch your "friends" who betrayed you as well.

She stepped out of the marriage long before she physically left. You probably only know the tip of the iceberg.

Don't live in denial " this can't be her, my wife just wouldn't do this".

She did and you need to see her for who she is.

There are books written, and blogs written, about people who abandon their families. There really is such a thing as people who ghost their families. Evidently she was planning for a long time to disappear and that’s what she’s done. There is something almost sociopathic about someone who can actually turn their back on their children. I have no idea what’s the matter with your wife but this has nothing to do with you and your children. I know that is hard to believe but this is just who she really is and you have to accept that. It happened in my family. It is more common than you know. Most of the time the person who does this is a man but I know several women who did this and it’s almost unbelievable but it’s true.

WW is faulty. Have her served D.

It is her loss

Good luck

There is usually something seriously mentally wrong with someone with this scenario.

Not to generalize, but if she does contact you my best advice is to tell her to get medical help, and do not let her back in your life unless she has ongoing counseling, medical, and likely psychiatric care.

I've known a couple of people who did this, they were covering up a really fucked up interior, that didn't come out until they did this.

Get yourself some IC or even better family counseling for the three of you together, your kids are going to be affected by this terribly as well.

its funny. i made this post yesterday about my life. i can say i truly love my wife with all my heart but i hate her so much for what she has done to me and our kids. she called me last night from vegas. she told me she likes it there and is staying. she then went on to tell me how her new boyfriend pays the rent, buys the food and dinners and she doesnt have to do anything. she sits by the pool. she ran away with a younger guy he is 38 she is 43 and he is a former drug addict and now they live in vegas. she also said that he was going with or without her but yet she can tell me she is in love with a guy she has dated for 2 months as she also had these other affairs. and she told each of them she loved them. so 3 guys going at the same time she runs away with the only one that wasnt married because the other 2 tried to save their marriages. how can she be in love with a guy she hardly knows is beyond me. why try and make me feel like shit like i didnt give her everything she wanted. my wife was so close to the kids and now hasnt talked to them for months. what happens when the honeymoon is over and reality hits her. she is living a fantasy. she really isnt a good person. why rub it in like her life is so great! i hope she stays there and vegas swallows her up. i have my kids and they are my life. how can she not be concerned about her own children? is she that selfish

Personally, I would not communicate with her at all.

Have her served divorce papers.

Anyone who can abandon their family like she has is pretty despicable.

You don't deserve this, and your children don't deserve this.

Show your children you will move forward and the disrespect from your wayward wife is OVER. Your children need to understand that their father is no push-over and will stand up and do what's right.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Mcjr523

sad i didnt even know what i did wrong

You did nothing wrong!!!!

Nothing you did, didn't do, said or didn't say forced her to do this.

This is totally on her!!!

she told me she likes it there and is staying. she then went on to tell me how her new boyfriend pays the rent, buys the food and dinners and she doesnt have to do anything. she sits by the pool

It sounds to me as though she is trying to convince herself that she didn't just make one of the biggest mistakes of her life.

she changed her number

she called me last night

Now that you have her new number I would recommend that you block it and have no other contact.

is she that selfish

It would appear that she is.

She is no longer your concern. Concentrate on you and your adult children.

I want to thank everyone for the assistance. I never thought this is how my life would be. And it only gets worse. She had an affair in 03, then in 2012 I find out she brought a guy to my house and had sex with him in my bed while I was on a business trip. And then to top it off when she was pregnant with my first child she slept with another guy. I lived a life of lies! I married a whore who used me for a good way of life. Thank god I had my kids DNA tested because who knows. I am a strong person and I will move on and I have had some dates and I wont rush. There is a woman out there that will love me for me! And I will always have my children. And the nerve of her to tell me she crys every day because she doesnt see the kids. Hello you moved 2100 miles away. You chose an ex drug addict and gambler over your kids. How's that going to last with a guy like that in vegas!! I have blocked her. My kids said they have mourned the death of their mom and moved on and they said I need to do the same. Hurts how bad she hurt my kids that they feel that way. Maybe they are right. My kids told me from the beginning not to beg her that I should have cut her off and I didnt listen. Only because i didnt know about all the affairs. Now that i do know it makes it a little easier. Hurts though because i spent more then half my life with a woman I truly loved who I guess never loved me.

This breaks my heart. I'm happy you have your kids with you. They will make you strong.

Mcjr523:

Very sorry this has happened to you but you will get through this and be in a better place. Your WW is a serial cheater and you are so much better off without her in your life. You are a good man, a faithful H, and you did not deserve any of this. The most important thing moving forward is to always value yourself. Now that you know about your WW’s betrayals never tolerate such disrespect again. Please file for D and have served ASAP. Your sons are right. You can’t change your past but you don’t have to allow her any place in your future.

Stop taking her calls. No contact is your best course moving forward to help you heal. No contact. Nada. Nil. Zilch. Be there for your sons and support each other. Good luck.

[This message edited by fareast at 9:03 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

"i spent more then half my life with a woman I truly loved who I guess never loved me."

Correct, Mc. You have half of your life left to find someone who's actually got some morals and who will love and care for you. Don't waste any more time with a cheater. Divorce her quickly before she gets dumped or realizes her actual situation. Don't hesitate on this. Do it now. Then enjoy the rest of your life. Enjoy your kids. Enjoy your friends. Make yourself more successful than you've ever been and enjoy the rewards of being a new man. You had nothing to do with her decisions. Eat healthy, work out at the gym, and take care of yourself.

This is brutal man, see if you can fast track this D while she's living the high life. Once she comes back to reality and doesn't have a free ride it could get messier. If she thinks this new guy is going to continue to finance her way of life she may not push as hard for alimony and you can claim that money is going towards the kids she abandoned. If she gets dumped she might try to get more custody and cash. I know it's not fun to think about this stuff right now, but it's time to be tactical and get out while you can.