SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

In short.....give me a fucking break.

I made the mistake as I am sitting in the doctor's office with my mom and bored out of my mind to wander over to the Wayward forum. Oh how the poor muffins are lamenting about missing their AP. Thinking about them. I have something to retort...

Get. The. Fuck. Over. Yourselves.

Please! They're missing what? A person who is as broken as them? A person whose moral compass is so off that they had no problem being a homewrecker. Who gleefully and willingly fucked another person's spouse. A person who offered themselves up and gave no thought to the spouse of their AP or in some cases their own spouse as well. Yeah, that's a quality person. A person to miss. To yearn for.

I don't know but once I throw out my garbage I don't keep thinking about it.

If a WS keeps thinking about and missing their AP they are NOT remorseful. They are still operating with wayward thinking. If you are truly sickened by what you did, by stabbing your spouse in the back, the AP should disgust you. The thought of them should cause you the sharp stabbing pain your BS feels when THEY are triggered or ruminating about the person you decided to risk your marriage and family over.

Get your heads out of your asses. Look at your AP, your A and your time in fantasyland as the shitshow it all REALLY is. If you can't do that then maybe you owe your BS a chance at happiness and get your selfish ass out of their way and stop blocking the exit. Trust me a BS thinks about your fucking AP's more than you and we know your whole shitload of memories about your A will live on in your over inflated heads. But we get to chalk that up to another source of pain compliments of you. Thanks so much for the gift that keeps on giving.

You all should have to feel the pain your BS does. Every single one of you, even the rare truly remorseful ones. Maybe then those unrealistic thoughts of your shitty AP would go away and your focus would be aimed where it should. At your spouse. At fixing what you broke.

MBB, it's hard to tell how you really feel about it.

It's like they are addicted to the chemicals that are released when you begin a new relationship. I guess I'm mean, but they deserve whatever pain they are in over the loss of their AP. I hope they suffer because it doesn't even come close to what a BS goes through and I've been on both sides of that fence.

They need to get their limerant heads out of their asses or hit the door... Bye Felicia!

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 12:54 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

What I don't understand is if they miss their AP sooo badly, why bother trying to R? It makes no sense to me.

Also, if the feelings are so real, why not be honest with their BS and let them decide what they want to do? Keeping their feelings for the AP a secret is basically false R, and is still wayward thinking and still lying. They should own up to EVERYTHING about their cheating, including lingering feelings for the AP.

Because they are all just poor poor traumatized little victims. That managed to make it to adulthood somehow.

I just cant believe the bullshit they spew. It's ok to still miss your co-cheater because you're just a poor victim.

Each and every one of those mother fuckers is responsible for making someone, and in most cases many people, feel like me. And now it's all ok because they are sorry. And let's not forget, in ever so much pain. Because it hurts so fucking much to give up their fuck buddy! Oh and now they love their spouses ever so much now. You just cant imagine how much pain it causes them to fuck up someone's whole life. Poor poor widdle victims.

Give me a fucking break.

A month ago, I was talking to my best friend. We were discussing the often said, " I always loved my spouse,even during the affair." And the "my affair was a real relationship" bullshit.

She listened as I vented. Then told me, "HF. You are trying to understand something you are incapable of understanding. You can not fathom that level of selfishness. Stop trying to apply logic to stupidity. I mean, most people know cheating isn't ok. But many waywards read a few books,and declare themselves cured of waywardness. Stop trying to make sense of nonesense. "

And that's what this is. Missing trash because you like the way it smelled,or whatever. Nonesense.

thatbpguy

Come on now! You know me well enough by now. I don't hold back LOL.

If a WS wants to miss something how about the marriage they forever changed. How about the trust that flew out of the window on DDay. How about the love that is at least slightly altered at best after their BS discovers what is happening. How about the family unit they damaged. Cherished memories now tainted. Anniversaries, holidays and birthdays of the past when their spouse believed all those days meant something. How about the permanent loss of the sexual exclusivity their spouse also believed they had with them.

I could go on if they have trouble finding things to miss.

As for what to think about, how about their broken busted behaviors, lack of integrity, and their broken moral compass for a start.

I remember wondering about this. Wondering if WH missed his AP. If he was pining away for her. If his thoughts and feelings ran counter to what he was telling me.

I did this for a long time. It drove me crazy, the wondering. And then I had a thought.

If he WAS missing her, still had feelings for her, then he had to be in pain to be apart from her. And you know what? That made me happy. Ecstatic. Because if he was still in that fantasy land, if he still believed they were meant for each other, then I would know that he wasn't who he was pretending to be with me.

If he actually had feelings for her after DDay, I hope it was AGONY. And I don't feel one bit of guilt for wishing that kind of pain on someone like that.

You know what MBB? I honestly dont remember a cheater ever posting any of those things. I think I would remember that. I could be wrong.

However, I can remember countless "I miss my co-cheater" threads. Funny enough, some of those go on to change their tag line to "happily married". Always makes me wonder how "happily married" their BS is. Or would be if they read all the "I miss my co-cheater" posts.

I have seen many posts like that. There are far fewer about missing the AP’s. I have seen one poster with the tag line happily married and it is my wife. She is happily married and so am I.

sickofsurviving

Take a look in Wayward. There's a thread about missing the AP and another spewing hypothetical musings questioning if they were not offered R by their BS would they be with the AP.

There's a thread about missing the AP and another spewing hypothetical musings questioning if they were not offered R by their BS would they be with the AP

And they haven't told their BS of the A while contemplating this

[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 4:43 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

And the biggest majority of the cheaters said YES they would have gone back to their co-cheater.

Are you fucking kidding me???

Yaknow... I get it. I get the fury we as BSs feel, trust me in that.

But I also get that,while we love to demonize and subdue and punish our WSs (with good reason), that they are still people with emotions and sometimes those emotions are just going to happen, whether they want them to or understand them or not.

Suppressing emotions is a dangerous damn thing, no matter if you're a BS or if you're a WS. Acting on those emotions, however, is an entirely different matter.

To us, the A was nothing but trauma, betrayal, lies, and pain. To them their AP was fun, supportive, sexy, sexual, etc, etc. That fires off the happy reward chemicals in their brains, and yes, those are addictive. They're probably feeling remorse, shame, depression after ending the A, and so those reward chemicals are in short supply. The brain knows this and says, "hey, AP gave you those chemicals that I crave, remember?"

And they do remember and they are choosing to try to R. As much vitriol as i want to throw at them, I also have to admit that I understand it. I dont like it, but I understand it. You can't just turn it off any more and a BS can turn off feelings for their WS with the flick of a switch.

I suspect they aren't really missing that person but they are missing the way the NRE made them feel.

It's not a mature way to live your life, though. The NRE phase is just that rush of excitement and lust- it's like a hit of cocaine. I would think of it like that- a drug that is temporarily fucking up their judgment.

But at some point they need to be willing to do the rehab, and realize that life is not a fantasy.

You can't just turn it off any more and a BS can turn off feelings for their WS with the flick of a switch.

Well if it's true what some claim, that it wasn't a real relationship then that switch towards the AP should be pretty easy to flip shouldn't it? I wish I could flip that switch towards my WH but I haven't been able to yet. But we have a history, a family, a marriage etc. If the AP is just a side piece they should be easy to let go of. If the BS truly means anything the thought of the AP should make them cringe IMO.

And if they carry a torch for their AP they have no business fooling their BS into some kind of false R don't you think?

I have read wayward almost daily for two years. There are many threads that are about all the things they are sorry for doing. People concentrate on things that affirm their own bias so I guess there are a number of you here that should have filed for divorce a long time ago. For the most part, the ws here are working their ass off, I know my wife does I am not sure why the venom then has to go towards them. My suggestion is don’t feed your bitterness by reading over there if you can’t take in what is really being said. It doesn’t help you.

Um. Ok. So not reading over there will change anything? Whatever.

You are entitled to your opinion. As am I. If you are happy with your cheater, nifty. Doesn't have anything to do with me. And it certainly wont change my opinion of them.

It must be nice, to have a wayward spouse who actually did the work necessary to reconcile, and then be able to ride in here on your high horse, and shame those who may not have a wayward spouse who did everything,or is doing everything that needs to be done.

Maybe you need to understand, that your wayward spouse is the exception, not the rule.

[This message edited by HellFire at 5:39 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]

[This message edited by hikingout at 5:46 PM, November 20th (Wednesday)]