SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been in a open relationship and it wouldn’t bother me for a second if someone reached out to let me know my partner was seeing someone.

That's doubtful in the sitch since the OM said he wanted to leave his wife, but she'd get half of everything.

Even if that is the sitch, so what? The OBS should still be told. If she doesn't care, she doesn't care. Then, it's NBD. But, if she does care and she isn't told, that's just cruel.

I haven't heard from her. i told her it was done and I don't talk to exe's before she left. She sent me a text saying that she was "for what it's worth, i am sorry for everything." and not to block her number until she left.

Sorry...my ex wife had nothing to say but that 'cliche". It is beyond me that the excuse is always : "I'm sorry". A child could come up with that excuse, even though a child most likely would have more conscience.

My ex 'suddenly' took a trip...now it's obvious that it was to meet up with a married man.And then? I picked her up at the airport.It was obvious that it was all over. Within 2 weeks, she was gone- . And I got emotional. 7 years simply cast aside as if nothing mattered. Two married people who thought nothing of any history.

"I'm sorry" was supposed to make anything better. As if they had nothing else to offer. "I'm sorry" that because of my selfishness, I'm leaving you.Just like that.And she left on July 4th.Just like that.CYA. History meant nothing and all of the kindness as well.

And so- my story is no different.I am no different from these stories.Everyone has their own situations- their own stories. And then, hopefully these wise people will lend hopefully wisdom. I am no different from others whom were left. Yet, I understand the trauma and sudden doubts.I wish all here strength when they need it...

I myself unfortunately am tired for reasons that some might not understand.Nonetheless, I don't like people harming others.You decide:)

Tell his wife, don't feel bad for your Ex either. Chances are, that guy will drop her like a hot potato once the shit hits the fan. She's deluding herself into thinking this rich guy will leave his wife and make her the new wife at some point, then she gets to live the "millionaire lifestyle". That's not going to happen. She's his side piece. He'll drop her sooner or later anyway.

Hi, I'll reiterate, you need to tell the wife.

She deserves to know she is living a lie, her husband is a POS, and her health is at risk.

The husband of my husband's affair partner found out about the affair and didn't tell me. Had he informed me, both he and myself would ahve been spared so so much heartache.

Please inform her and allow her to make the decision for her life.

Please tell the OBS. Please don't wait too much longer. She is in the dark about this, he could be cheating on her with several OW. She could get an STD, she could be killing herself trying to "work on the marriage", taking the blame for his lack of interest, all while he is spending their money and having sex with his mistress(s). Your Ex could get pregnant... What I'm saying is that not telling the OBS makes you part of their affair...it doesn't make you a good guy to help keep their secrete.

You seem (understandably) upset about how she just dropped you without a second thought. Well she is in a fantasy world. One where her millionaire boyfriend dumps his wife and kids and runs off with her. You are helping her keep that fantasy by not telling the OBS. The OM is going to dump her so fast once his BS finds out it will make her head spin. He stands to lose half his assets, his reputation, the respect of his kids and coworkers, his long term wife for some chick he met on the internet.

It's not revenge it's the right thing to do for the sake of the OBS and her kids.

Keep it brief, provide evidence if you have any, give her a way to contact you if she has more questions later on. DO NOT tell/warn your Ex you are going to expose the affair. Do NOT try to blackmail OM. Do not try to get your Ex or OM to do it. It's not fair that you are given this task along with everything you are dealing with but you are the only one that can do it fairly. Please let the OBS know ASAP.

Firstly, I’m sorry you’re here, but you’re in the best place to get through the following months. She’s severely broken. Only damaged people settle for married cheaters throwing them scraps. She was going to do this to you at some point. Put her in the rear view mirror.

Secondly, I get that you’re trying to ‘protect’ the OBS from harm by not telling her but you’re putting her at much greater risk and that’s wrong.

There is no excuse not to tell a BS. None at all. And this is coming from a community of BS. I have never come across a post saying ‘I wish I hadn’t been told and my shit for brains cheating spouse had just carried on screwing other people behind my back’. No matter how bad the fall out, we are all grateful to have our personal agency handed back to us.

Give her her agency back to deal with who her nasty husband is and move on.

Tell his wife.

The issue that you are facing and many of us face is that we have an unspoken understanding of what a relationship is. Spouses or partners care deeply about each other in a healthy relationship.

Your XGF, however, only cares about herself. If she says "I love you", she really means "I love what you bring me". If you look back in your relationship, you may realize that it was all about her all this time.

How can she "love you" on Monday then discard you on Tuesday, without any emotions? It’s like eating a big mac for her. Now that it’s eaten, she goes for the fries.

She looked at me and said "No Im good" and went back to texting whoever

Those are not actions from someone who can form emotional bonds with someone else. I bet she can’t have empathy for anyone.

She will just jump from "relationship" to "relationship" as she will constantly seek to feed her ego.

Think about it... do you really want to be with a woman that leaves a stable relationship to become a mistress?

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 7:01 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

Thank you all for the comments. I do appreciate the support that you all have given me.

I have heard what you have said and have thought long and hard about it. I have prayed to my god asking for guidance, I have asked CL, Surviving Affairs, and many other forums, looking for guidance, it's split across all platforms.

I am not going to tell her.

I put myself in the position of some random stranger telling me that she was cheating on me. I wouldn't believe it at first and then I would start digging and get to her but I don't think that is the better route. Her friends could have told me, I would have at least understood but a stranger.

I don't want to relive all the crap she probably did and having a long drawn out conversation with someone who's world I just blew up just makes me relive the pain of my betrayal. I know that I didn't blow it up, but the bearer of bad news and all.

God hasn't given me an answer but an image always pops up in my head. "Sometimes Karma needs a fist." from My Name is Earl, and quickly after I feel that I feel, I am not a fist.

I gave it to Karma and let it be handled there.

I started watching a lot of Jordan Peterson videos about betrayal. You might hate him or love him but what his says is based on facts which help me deal with stuff.

My world was destroyed all that I thought was right was wrong. I am in the midst of chaos and looking to find solid ground since my whole relationship blew up based on what I thought it was.

As many of you said, and I agree, she probably was cheating on me the whole time.

But what JP says is that questioning my assumptions causes my world to change.

There are two types of women in this worlds, Queens and Whores. I am not trying to generalize there are probably many iterations and I don't mean to offend.

I picked a whore that I thought was a queen. Most women you work and earn their love and admiration, they value the contribution and reciprocate.

The whore just wants to get paid.

My whore found someone willing to pay more so I miss my Queen but really she was just a wench.

21 days ago I was having sex with her, Tomorrow will be 21 days since I found out.

The Chaos that has entered my life for the past three weeks is starting to settle, I bought the books suggested and listened to the kind words that you all had.

My moving forward is because of all the great resources and support I have found here and other places.

I know sadly the only things that will help me are re-framing the narrative and understanding why I allowed myself to pick someone that wasn't what i thought she was, and time and that is a mf.

I gave it to Karma and let it be handled there

Do you understand this woman's health is at risk? Her husband could be cheating with multiple women including your girlfriend.

My D-Day was almost 15 years ago. To this day, I resent the OW's husband for NOT telling me that my husband was involved with his wife. He didn't want to hurt me, blah, blah, blah, well in the end TWO families were almost destroyed because of his inaction.

[This message edited by annb at 8:44 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

Hate to put it this way, But i don't know who are what you are talking to, But i am sure it's not God! God would not let you put someones healt at risk! God would not make you a patner in the betraial of a married woman. And perssonlay i realy dislike it when peopel do thing they know are wrong, And then try to bring God in as a partner to it! Sorry if theis sounds angry, But i know fornm experience this is truly the worng way to go......

I call absolute bull on all of this.

I believe not telling an OBS that they are being cheated on, pretty much ALWAYS comes down to the fact that the poster is hoping that their cheating partner will come back to them and that it won’t hapoen if the OM or OW splits from their spouse. It’s so that it can be used as a control and manipulation tactic later.

It comes down to selfishness.

I feel so sorry for the OBS in this mess, my heart goes out to her.

I put myself in the position of some random stranger telling me that she was cheating on me.

but wouldn't this be better than not knowing at all?

sometimes we have to be the bearers of bad news. It's called integrity.

[This message edited by sewardak at 9:05 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

sorry forever thinking:

I hope you rethink your position and find your courage. Dragonfly123 is absolutely correct, your rationalization for not informing his OBS is bull. I am sorry for what has happened to you. None of this is fair. But the OBS health is at risk and you have the information to keep her safe. You should inform her so she can protect herself. It is also the right and decent thing to do.

I guess since this support community is called survining infidelity I had slightly different expectations. Not one person that has replied to me as said that they told the other person and how it went. Questioning my god, that's nice.

My relationship with god is based on the new testament which regardless of how anyone feels is soley my choice. I am dealing with enough in my life to come to a place of supposed support and be castigated for my decision.

Project on me whatever you might but this is my choice. I don't want to get back with my ex. I want it to blow up in her face and have her alone with her choices.

I am moving on and know that my relationship was built on lies. If you don't feel like supporting the people here either come with real world, i told the other person and i felt great doing it or don't post.

I feel I was very clear with my reasoning. Call BS on it, but in the end its my decision.

Sometimes support is telling you what you don’t want to hear. I can’t believe you’ve been cheated on and you’ll allow someone else to be actively cheated on without assisting them. Jordan Peterson is an uber intelligent man who is also pretentious af. I’ve listened to him plenty.

This isn’t about god or religion, and this is about the facts. She deserves them. Emotionally healthy people accept and even welcome the truth versus staying in the dark. You should give her the facts. You can figure out how to do it anonymously. It is your duty.

Have courage. There are some obligations that shouldn’t take prayer. If you saw someone about to be hit by a train - would you stop and pray about warning them to move? Absolutely not. Well this woman is on the tracks and you’re standing by. Do right by her.

Ooooh boy. Jordan Peterson?? Queen or Whore???? You need something other than this black/white version of half the human race, man!!! What a crock. And you’re AFRAID to make a call. No real MAN would duck this responsibility. No real woman should take a second look at a naive angry boy like you.

[This message edited by KatieKat at 10:09 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

Actually, there are A LOT of people here who have told the obs. Being new,you wouldn't know that. I suggest you start a thread on the general forum, and ask your question. You will get tons of responses.

Since your hang up seems to be about her hearing it from a stranger,but believe it would be different if a

friend told the truth, the solution is easy. Look her up on Facebook, and message her sister with the info.

Just as you, she deserves the truth.

[This message edited by HellFire at 10:15 AM, January 12th (Sunday)]

Hate to say it guy's, But i don't think you are going to change this guys mind. Deep down he knows he should tell. He will come up with any reason not to however. You can tell by his sudden turn of anger for anyone telling him what he desn't want to hear. Just wish him luck and leave it at that. Nothing you say will change his mind...

Sorry, But i stand by my statement. I don't think God would tell anyone to be a paty to allowing a man to continue betraying his wife. At lest not the god i worship....