SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Anyone else grow up with infidelity in their home?

My dad is a serial cheater and my mom has had revenge affairs. I knew about some but not all of this as a child (thank God I still don't know everything). So in the 90s like every other family we had one computer we all used. My dad knew how to use it enough to be dangerous, but was pretty clueless when it came to covering his tracks, like leaving chats open, or image files just hanging out in the downloads folder for anyone to find. I ended up being the one to find them, it was clear what he was doing and for whatever reason I thought it would be a good idea to tell my mom, so I did. I don't even remember how I told her. I just kind of remember the aftermath. Everyone in the whole family was upset and I felt like it was because of me. My dad was angry with me, my brother told me it was my fault, and I got to watch my mom fall apart and put herself back together like nothing ever happened.

My parents are still married, for some reason. Growing up it didn't feel like they weren't in love, but now that I'm older I realize how very much I don't want my marriage to be anything like theirs. But here I am, a BS hanging in there and working on R because I don't want to see my family torn apart.

So I'm curious to hear from anyone, BS or WS, whose parents have a history of infidelity?

Also wondering if there are children of waywards on this site for support? It just occurred to me that it may not just be spouses here.

As you can see from my name....🙋 My dad is also a serial cheater. They are high school sweethearts and my mom is still as loyal as the day is long. The infuriating part for me is that I thought my dad only cheated the 1 time (a double betrayal) my mom had to work closely with OW after and she was a coach of my sister and mine (we were in 7th/8th grade at the time). It was brutal. We thought my parents recovered and were better than ever for years until I accidently as an adult got an email that my mom replied to thinking she replied to just my dad talking about a new affair. At this point we are the perfect family rugsweepers. Out of respect for my mom I don't say anything to my dad however if anything ever happened to my mom all bets are off. My mom has talked to me about the original affair once since I've been and adult but that's it..

I started on this site site right after I got that email about my dad's affair for support. Also my sister was involved in some messy affairs. Then I discovered my WH in an EA with a co-worker.

[This message edited by childofcheater at 5:09 PM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

Mine weren’t, or at least to my knowledge. Both are champion rug-sweepers about other things that bother them, but just knowing their moral compass, and how much value they place on it, I’d be shocked. In fact, in my extended family I only know of one uncle who cheated (and left his wife for her), and there was long-term damage to his relationships with his siblings as part of the fall-out. Obviously I don’t know for sure what else may have happened less publicly, but my family has a lot of long-lasting, happy marriages.

My WH’s mother cheated, and I think that was a (small) contributing factor in his affair. She’s one of the ones who beat the odds, and is still happily and faithfully married to the man she cheated on his father with almost 35 years after the affair. For my WH, this fed his fantasy that the OW might be his “soul mate,” and that “following your heart” was worth it. At the same time, it was also a large part of the reason he stayed, even before the “fog” of infatuation had lifted (which, thankfully, it now has). He had long convinced himself that his parents’ divorce had no impact on him, and that he was completely fine after, but just recently is coming to realize how traumatic it was, and how much he’s rewritten history to fit that narrative. And when he spoke to his mother about how she factored the impact on him (he was 7 or 8) into her decision to leave, her answer was that she really didn’t think about it. And that shook him, because he didn’t want to think of himself as not taking his kids’ needs and security into account, and doing the same kind of long-term damage to them.

My mother has mentioned that my father was a cheater in recent years .

They were divorced when I was very young and I had no real relationship with him in my entire life

I have learned some awful things about him , even that he threatened to drop me on my head ( he was drunk and holding me at the time ) when I was an infant. That was a lot to take in

And as far as my WH is concerned , his father was a serial cheater. My husband remembers fights between his parents when he was a boy and growing up .

Some of it has come out through his therapy

His parents divorced when he was 18 and made the choice to leave home...like about as far away as possible.

When he was a young teen , he legally changed his last name to what it is today. It was an interesting story of why and how he did it, but only in the last 6 months or so has the truth come out about what made him change it....he was going with the story that he chose the name of his elderly spinster great aunt because she was the last family member with that name and he wanted to keep the name going

The truth is, he didn't want to be associated with his father's last name

All that effort to distance himself , and yet he did the same thing

My dad cheated on my mom and she left him. He dated the OW for a few years after the divorce, but my parents eventually remarried and redivorced! Gee no trauma there.

My fWH parents from what I have been told my FIL was in the Philippines during Vietnam and 'sampled the local variety' is how it was told to me. But nothing after that. However, he watched porn like it was the evening news. from what my husband says it was always on, in the living room, all the time, even when they had friends over. There was always playboys and penthouse laying around as well.

My dad cheated on my mom and she left him. He dated the OW for a few years after the divorce, but my parents eventually remarried and redivorced! Gee no trauma there.

My fWH parents from what I have been told my FIL was in the Philippines during Vietnam and 'sampled the local variety' is how it was told to me. But nothing after that. However, he watched porn like it was the evening news. from what my husband says it was always on, in the living room, all the time, even when they had friends over. There was always playboys and penthouse laying around as well.

My parents divorced when I was 4 because my mom cheated. It was my mom's decision to D. My dad wanted to work things out. My mom was a narcissist who thought she would have a better life with her married AP.

She ended up dying alone because her AP wouldn't leave his wife and family. She had a child by him, my younger half sister. He never acknowledged her as his child. She is now alone and on the brink of homelessness.

Not my parents but my late Grandfather (My moms Dad) was a serial cheater. A womanizer. After Dday my mom opened up even more about him. He was a real piece of work. So many woman, the whole town knew about his Affairs. I have no respect for him, he left my grandmother to raise 5 girls on her own. She turned to alcohol and had a stroke in her early 50s. Never once did grandma ever talk bad about him, never. Once I was buckled up for this rollercoaster, it broke my heart knowing what he did to her.

My grandpa cheated on my grandma. They R'ed and I guess had a good marraige for a couple of years till he died of a heart attack when I was 8. I didn't learn about the infidelity till recently. I think my grandpa is a POS now.... But I assume that's typical as I'm going through it now. I don't ever want to go to a service honoring him again. At least for now.

My dad cheated on my mom when I was in high school. It was rough and my relationship with him has been very up and down. He married OW, who was a friend of my mom's. They have been married now for 35 years. I suspect he has cheated on her as well.

My parents are well-behaved when they are together for a family thing. Time makes it easier. Mom says frankly she would rather interact with step-mom than dad. Mom was my rock when my life imploded.

My mother did not cheat on my dad as far as I know, but after they divorced she began an affair with a married man and had his child (my half-sibling). He eventually divorced and married my mom when I was 13, and they are still married today after 30+ years. I lived with them for about 2 years afterwards - I was a difficult child and my parents decided I was better off with my Dad who lived 10 minutes away. That being said, my step father has had an affair at least once since they married. I know nothing about it as I don't talk to my mom about those things.

My father never remarried and is a man of honor and integrity.

MY WH's father has a 5 year LTA. He left his wife when my WH, the youngest, left the home when he was 18. They did not talk about it with my WH - he found out about the divorce (and later about the affair) when he came home and the house was for sale. There was no conversation about it - except that "things didn't work out and your dad wasn't happy." He learned later about the A - and his dad recently married the AP, 15 years after the divorce.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 9:38 AM, January 22nd (Wednesday)]

My father was a serial cheater. He won't admit it, but I'm not stupid. My mom used to work second shift and he would invite women over and send my sister and I out to play and lock us out. This was the early 90's.

We were the first ones on the block to get 'internet'. Not the internet we know and love today, but BBS boards and he would meet women there. He was military and who knows how many ports he had affairs in, if I have any siblings in other countries that I don't know about.

The absolute last straw for my mom was when she, my sister and myself went to Oxnard, California because her dad was diagnosed with cancer and he paid for all of us to come there and have some family time with him. He was worried he wouldn't make it through treatment. My dad declined the invitation. Claiming work.

We got back and this being the VHS days I pop in a care bears movie and there on the screen was my dad with a woman who was not my mother.

The idiot taped over my kid movie with a sex tape of him cheating on my mom. I was about 10 when this happened. My mom kicked my dad out that night. Not before she punched him and he fell down the stairs. He called her a c***. I still think today it was warranted.

My H's dad had multiple affairs on his mom too. Her last straw was when he had consensual sex with her niece (she was 18). My mother in law was done with him.

My mom, I don't think she had an affair. She didn't pick up with my step dad until after she kicked my dad out.

GreenVelvet

wondering why you ask

Me? both parents alley cats, two sets of aunts/uncles - ditto - grand parents on one side - not so good - other side - followed all the rules.

Lots of horror stories and variations on what I grew up around noted many times in the stories in these pages.

I decided that if I ever got married, I would never cheat.

Her? Stable family - no cheating - Church going - proper family behavior by all.

go figure

My dad left my mom for the OW when I was in my second year of University. My mom commented to me once (years later) that it was not his first A - though I certainly wasn't aware of anything going on at the time.

I spent most of my life ensuring that the person I married was not like him. Whoops.

Asking because I'm re-examining a lot of this childhood stuff that has surfaced thanks to my WH's A. Now I have the perspective as not only an adult but a BS. I just wanted to hear from others.

Dad cheated like whoa, but this was not the reason for their divorce. My mother only figured out he had cheated a few years ago, many years after the divorce.

My grandparents were all very loving, good people.

I have accepted that I put up with my ex's strange behavior because I grew up with it. It was normal to me.

One of my best friends growing up, her father left his first wife for her mom. They are still married. My friend lives in Paris with her husband, whom she has been with since high school.

All so very complicated.

As far as I’m aware my parents have both been faithful to each other.

My WH’s family is a nightmare. He no longer sees his mother or father. His childhood was awful. Both parents cheated and married their AP’s. One marriage has lasted, the other didn’t. Both still blame the other and neither take any responsibility for the mess they created for their children and how badly they let them down.

On his fathers side every male from his fathers generation cheated on their wives. My husband has. I plan to work incredible hard with my son to make sure he doesn’t follow this family trait.

My husbands past was one reason I was sure he would never cheat. He knew the destruction it caused. He saw his broken relationship with his mother and father and yet he still did what he did and risked a similar relationship with his son. I’m not sure I will ever understand how he could do that and to Be honest I’m not sure he will either, it devastates him now particularly as his son knew about his affair due to seeing text messages

Lots of parents married to the affair partner. I thought it was a 2% chance of success???

Also noticing lots of people commenting that WS had a "perfect" family without

cheating. This is validating. I felt like I did everything right in choosing my partner.

As for me, my family has porn addiction/ possible cheating and swingers in the 60s. I think one set of grands divorced due to this issue. No one talks about it.

As far as I know both my parents were faithful.

Lots of parents married to the affair partner. I thought it was a 2% chance of success???

I wonder if that’s because people (as kids) were more likely to only be aware of the affair if they ended up together? I’m sure there were plenty of people whose parents had affairs who never knew, either because they stayed together and hid it, or didn’t share the reason for the divorce.

Of my contemporaries, I certainly know people who have had affairs, and some who have ended up divorced because of it, but only one who ended up with their AP for any length of time, and none who married them.