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This is excellent advice sir!

Kingofnothing. That was good. All of the suggestions are good. For my sanity I need to leave my home and disconnect from all of this. I plan on leaving this weekend and it’s going to be what it’s going to be. I will lose my mind here. She filed her answer to the divorce today and is in filing for indigent status in order to file her counter petition. Shame shame. But I cannot stay. What happens when I go happens but I will not pay anything here in the meantime. The judge will have to do what he has to do. I have to use my money to get away for my sanity.

Indigent, fucking shocker. We told you it's for more alimony. Don't let her get away with it. Assuming she has a long work history, you can prove she has had good reviews up til now etc. Don't let her get away with effectively quitting her job to divorce rape you.

Rynoz, I know you feel like you need space, but you cannot leave. She might change the locks and kick you out. She'll take the house. Say you abandoned, etc. Record everything.

YOU ARE IN DANGER.

Well she got a job offer today. Monday I’m going to talk to the attorney and let him know what she did and find out what can be done about her using indigent status when she still has income coming in. How indigent can you be driving a bmw and so on? I’ll be talking to him about that.

How did the move go?

Hope you are doing well.

Stay strong and keep moving forward

I did not completely move out. I did leave temporarily. I will be getting in contact with the attorney today to see what he says to do. I will also be contacting the clerk of the court about her indigent application. Thank you all for helping me and pushing me to keep moving. She has set a trap for me. It would be much easier just to fall right in it than to fight to get out. But this is what I have to do. Fight.

rynoz: stay in the fight. It's awful going through it but when you have right on your side, you find your strength, always.

Suggestion below. This is something to consider IF YOU HAVE TO. I still don't recommend it as Plan A because I have no idea how Florida courts would view this tactic. I didn't do this but a very good friend (and groomsman in my wedding!) who had an even shittier divorce than I did tried.

Very wisely, my friend went to individualized grief and trauma counseling. His wife (now XW) had turned their children against him, had created a very hostile environment in the household and had made it virtually impossible to stay there without undergoing major trauma. His children were so blatantly disrespectful that his own daughter went to an athletic match he was coaching for younger kids and basically "borrowed" the car he drove there with and didn't explain nor apologize when he called the police to report it stolen. His wife was verbally aggressive to the point of abuse and encouraged other family to join in, including her mother who was living with them.

Basically, he was concerned with the same things you are. He was systematically being abused at home and wanted to leave to protect his sanity and sense of self worth. Trust me, I don't know exactly what you are going through but this guy had to go through some pretty heinous abuse from his own family. I remember drinking some beers with him during the process and it might be the only time I have seen him cry about anything. So he got his counselor to attest that he WAS NOT ABANDONING THE HOUSEHOLD WILLINGLY. That he was a victim of systemic mental abuse and cruelty by his spouse and needed space from her to deal with trauma, abuse and to prepare himself for the divorce. He actually did pretty well with this approach. His lawyer presented it as evidence of him following medical/psychiatric advice and the judge didn't dispute.

So, it's an idea. Again, I wouldn't make it Plan A.

Rynoz, it’s good that you were able to recognize that your WW “set a trap” for you. Also you must realize (or even just assume) that your WW has been plotting her exit for quite some time and has been consulting her OM and/or divorce girlfriends for strategic advice. Even if you consider yourself to be more intelligent than your WW, she may be further out on the curve than you are and may have additional traps in mind. Stay vigilant!

As with others, I strongly advise you not leaving. I get that she's making you crazy. IHS is hell. I've been through it.

Find and establish a safe place in your house - office, spare bedroom, YOUR bedroom (kick her out) and shore up there when you need to. Hell, put a deadbolt on the door if you have to. Treat public areas like no-fly zones. When the two of you are in a common area (kitchen, living room) treat her like a non-entity. Full Gray Rock.

And absolutely carry a VAR on you at all times. When you think you might have an encounter with her, turn it on and put it in a shirt pocket.

Her filing for indigent status is disgusting and laughable. I'm pretty sure she'd have to provide some proof of that (ie pay stubs and tax statements) in order for it to stick.

Yes, she is making life unbearable. Limit talk about D to email. Tell her you prefer corresponding only by email from this time forth regarding D so your attorney can have a clear timeline as to how and what you two are in agreement/disagreement on. This limits face to face encounters where she can try and manipulate you. If there's a point of contention, just tell her you'll talk to your attorney.

There's no sprinting to the finish line. It'll definitely feel like a marathon. I also live in Florida. In my case, we were doing an uncontested dissolution of marriage. Yes, we had lots of points of disagreement. But mostly it was my XWW grasping at straws to get a better outcome. So I ran everything by my attorney and was able to negotiate a good outcome for me and my kids.

Your WW is playing hardball. Remember, this is now a business transaction. She is an adversarial party, so her treat only as such. Take out emotion when you interact with her. She wants to poke you? Tell her you're busy with something and walk away. Proceed to safe space.

Consult your attorney BEFORE you move out. That advice about abandonment is spot on.

Find a good IC.

The only way out of hell is through it.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You are doing very well.

Continue to stay strong and keep moving forward!

[This message edited by Newlifeisgreat at 11:08 AM, March 9th (Monday)]

Now you are seeing the true her. The one you never saw before for whatever reasons.

This happens a lot as they reflect back.

I don't think the indigent claim will fly.

I have a friend who works in a large county court system. She investigates things like that. STBXW have to prove it, the court will do a credit check to see if it's true and if she owns (not the both of you as a marital asset) a BMW, my friend would tell her to sell it. Or get another job if she has decent employment history. If it was that easy everyone would claim it.

The thing on the indigent claim is this-

Voluntary impoverishment is not indigent.

She can't claim that she is indigent if she has a documented history of earning X dollars. No more than a husband can claim to not be able to pay child support for losing his job when he lost it because he did something to get fired...he has the ability to earn it...he just got himself fired...so the judge has no mercy.

In this case, she got herself fired. She CAN earn the money...it is her fault.

I believe she talked to her boss who is an attorney and she quit the job. Doesn’t make much sense to for someone then give them a glowing recommendation. Then allow them to come in on Saturday when no one else is there to clean out their desk. She quit the job then came home and blamed me for it. For what reason? She knew she would file for indigent. Possibly be able to get money out of me which she won’t get. It’s a huge plot.

Keep in close contact with your attorney you’ll need him.

I think she is confusing indigent with indignant.

If quitting was her bosses idea, he's bigger idiot than she is.

I see you are in FL, my friend works Dade County...

It is my understanding that when calculating CS and alimony, the court looks at earnings and earning potential, specifically to prevent people from pulling the crap your WW is trying. Just because you are unemployed on the day you show up doesn't mean you are broke and homeless. Judge will probably ask why she isn't employed and she will then have to explain that she quit. Judge will ask why. Carrying on an A with a co-worker probably isn't a good reason for a judge to award you alimony.

I think she is confusing indigent with indignant

Or maybe she is confusing it with "ignorant".

I would have to say that she is confusing indigent with a whole lot of things. I was able to get screenshots of trip for someone who is indigent so I can show them to the judge. I will go to the judge and no deals. She won’tg get any alimony or anything like that according to my lawyer as I took a job at the beginning of the year where my gross income is a lot less. Similar to hers. Before I even filed so I didn’t change after filling. I completed my aver to her counter petition this morning and will run it over to the clerk first thing. When she gets back she’ll have that paperwork looking at her along with me being out of the house. I’m not abandoning as I will leave some of my items there and take video of what is left behind. The wheels are turning in the process and I know there is still more to do but I have come to grips with my situation. The support here has been just what I needed.

I would have to say that she is confusing indigent with a whole lot of things. I was able to get screenshots of trip for someone who is indigent so I can show them to the judge. I will go to the judge and no deals. She won’tg get any alimony or anything like that according to my lawyer as I took a job at the beginning of the year where my gross income is a lot less. Similar to hers. Before I even filed so I didn’t change after filling. I completed my aver to her counter petition this morning and will run it over to the clerk first thing. When she gets back she’ll have that paperwork looking at her along with me being out of the house. I’m not abandoning as I will leave some of my items there and take video of what is left behind. The wheels are turning in the process and I know there is still more to do but I have come to grips with my situation. The support here has been just what I needed. Right rr