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Ok. So I got home. She wanted her back that I had been driving. I got back after she got home from work with it. She actually had her father call me to deliver a message about me bringing her car. I exploded on him because he was going to attempt to lecture me on some bullshit about his daughter. I told him he needed to talk to his daughter and not me. I told him he should know when you go thru a divorce you separate your finances. I told him so I’m not being petty or vindictive. That he should know these things. Then I hung up on him. I get home and it’s like she’s waiting on me to get in the door. I put the keys on the counter and walked out to the garage. Ignoring her as she followed me out talking shit about her car and I cancelled her car insurance. I didn’t bother to tell her that it isn’t cancelled yet. It will be midnight tomorrow. But on my way home I stopped and bought some wood to use in the firepit. She was so annoyed that she couldn’t get much of a reaction out of me that she told me that I couldn’t use her firepit. I ignored her and built the firepit. She comes out of the room and comes outside and gets the water hose and puts it out. I am laughing at her thinking this is all you have? So I video her doing this dumb shit. She knows I’m videoing her and she still does it anyway. So I still laugh. I don’t know if it’s an outside laugh or inside laugh. But I think how stupid. So I go inside and she says can you please put my firepit away? I just ignored her and went to the back of the house. Now it’s quiet again but I just think that that was all she had? Call me a few names and talk about my manhood which is standard fare for some people when they get mad. But why be so mad? You caused this. I am reacting to your actions. Well the process marches on. Ok. So I’m trying to go to sleep and she comes in bothering me about the car insurance again. All of this stuff.the key is she is forgetting what started all of this.

You refused to play her game, so what else can you expect? She is acting like a ten year-old because - like every wayward - she thinks like a ten year-old.

Her life is all about her now. Why won't you roll over and play dead because it suits her? That is just so unfair. You are a very cruel man. Beware the garden hose of justice, you wicked oppressor!

I believe that behind all of the childish acting out is the knowledge that she has truly messed up badly. I think she knows her AP is not interested in demolishing his life for her, even if she was a useful source of free sex. And if he doesn't want her, who does that leave?

You.

So, why aren't you falling at her feet and worshiping her? What could be the cause of your irrational, unreasonable, unfair behaviour? She's the queen. She controls two men...Doesn't she?

Reality hurts. Where's that hose?

[This message edited by M1965 at 8:24 PM, February 27th (Thursday)]

I think you are heading for lot of legal trouble. Her next step will be to involve you in some sort of confrontation or simply make false claims. Better let police know what happened with video evidence and let the police decide what to do.

Then send me the most vile text message comparing me to her AP.

I’d forward that to her father along with “you’d better never contact me again”.

Get and keep a voice active recorder on you at all times.

False retraining orders happen.

Under the circumstances I’d expose to her family.

It might help calm her down so you can get through this easier.

M1965. It doesn’t appear she is controlling any men at this time. Yes her actions super juvenile. But she still won’t leave he’ll go to your weak ass daddy house. Especially if you are that miserable. He should have told her she needs to leave instead of trying to talk to me. Problem is she doesn’t respect him or anyone else. No one can tell her what to do unless she wants to do it. I feel like a real dumbass when at the beginning of all of this that I was still kinda interested in R. I feel like a fool now because of that. Well now the insurance thing is out of the way there should only be a few minor shoes to drop. I don’t know when it’s all said and done if shes going to be able to keep her status symbol. (Car). By tho time the payment is factored in with the car insurance that’s going to be a whopper. She might as well use her free time right now and start filling out applications. Because social hour is done.

You need to get, today, a voice-activated recorder, and carry it you at all times. You are a prime candidate for a false domestic violence charge. I know you said that you had a watch that has a recorder on it, and you would turn it on, if she started her bullshit. That's not good enough. You need one on you all the time to protect yourself.

We once had a betrayed husband, who was sitting on the couch, when there was a knock at the door. His wife came down the stairs, hair in disarray, mascara running down her face. She opened the door and the police were there. She had called them while She was upstairs, and told them you had been pushing her, and shoving her around, pulling her hair, and she was scared. He was arrested.

She is going to attempt to file a DV charge. You need to protect yourself.

Hellfire. I will get one today. She is really getting out of hand.

So I’m trying to go to sleep and she comes in bothering me about the car insurance again.

I am assuming you sleep in a separate room. Does your door not have a lock on it? If not, you need to get one. Your WW should not be able to walk into your room at any time. Aside from that, it should have a keyed lock that only you have. Make it your sanctuary until one of you moves out.

I would suggest that you do more to disengage. Buy your own firepit, if she actually purchased that one. Do you have friends you can spend time at their place instead of being at home? Your STBXWW is just going to become more and more dramatic, or so it seems. It will be best for you to limit your exposure to her as much as possible.

Interpreting things from a distance, it seems like your WW may be a bit of a spoiled little princess who is used to getting her own way. And she does not know how to handle it when someone refuses to play that game.

Don't be too hard on her Dad. Chances are that she has had him wrapped around her little finger since childhood, and that in his eyes she can do no wrong.

I think most fathers would not have made the call that he did, because jumping into the middle of a marital dispute is a recipe for disaster. However, your WW asked him to, so he did it...

To be honest, I feel sorry for the guy. He is going to have a hard life being at your WW's beck and call.

She is really getting out of hand.

I am glad you are going to get a VAR. It is possible that she is going to get increasingly desperate as the reality of her situation becomes increasingly apparent to her.

She tried to get Daddy to fix it, and that did not work. She tried to talk you into an open marriage, and that didn't work. All of her hopes must now be pinned on her AP riding in to rescue her, and the more pressure she puts on him, the less attractive she is going to look to him. And if she carries on the way she is going, you might even thank the guy if he took her off your hands.

At some point I think she will implode, and deflate when she sees that her actions are just making her situation worse. However, until that happens she is likely to continue acting out, and you need to be on your guard.

If you have any valuable stuff at home, is there a safe place that you could store it where your WW cannot get at it? And do let her know that you are going to be recording all future outbursts. At some point her sense of self-preservation will hopefully kick in, and she will see that her stunts have the potential to backfire on her.

I know it is difficult if she keeps getting in your face, but do your best not to engage with her craziness, regardless of how much she tries to provoke you.

And if she ever gets physical towards you, call the cops, so there is a record of it.

I am sorry you are being put through this. Have faith in yourself, stay strong, and you will get through this.

Hellfire. I will get one today. She is really getting out of hand.

I totally agree with Hellfire. I think WalMart has some. Best Buy does, for certain. I'd get in the habit of whenever she starts talking, start recording. You never know what's going to happen. She is sounding increasingly desperate for control. Maybe get a spy cam too, they are pretty cheap.

I know we're all getting a little redundant reacting to your wife's antics here, but I'm still baffled .. Did she actually state it was her intention and expectation that you would pay car insurance for her after she had left the marriage? How did she plan on having car insurance after the divorce? I know a lot of readers are shaking their heads and making comments about her motivations, but what did she actually say was her plan for insurance after the D?

There's a reason I'm asking, obviously. She is way overreacting on this one thing. That makes me think she's not really had a serious discussion with you about distribution of marital finances, debts and assets. You know this is just the first thing in a long list of things that both of you will have to acquire for yourselves post marriage. It is obvious that you will both be living in separate domiciles moving forward, with new insurance, new utilities, new cable/internet. Does she acknowledge this fact and try to be at least proactive about it?

Rynoz,

Since WW brought her father into this, I’d share her text comparing you with the AP with him. I’m betting he’ll stay out of it after that. Plus, there’s an added consequence for WW, which it appears she needs.

Interesting development. I noticed that she came home Early from work today. I get home and she meets me at the door telling me she got fired today. Said I called her job. I never called her job. Initially I did have her served at work with an injunction to try to get her out of the house. I saw it was going nowhere and canceled it. She said her boss told her too many distractions. She didn’t tell me the whole story initially. Come to find out she said she was having her phone in her hand a lot lately. Trying to blame me. I told her that I wasn’t the only one that she was texting. She said I was the only one with long messages looking for answers. I have not sent her anything like that in a few weeks. But she also attributed it to all the phone calls that she was making about car insurance and other things pertaining to the vindictive things that I have been doing to her. I feel out of the 180 for a moment and felt sorry for her because that was the one thing that I didn’t expect to happen. We talked but to no avail did she come all of the way correct about the root cause of all of this. Sad that even losing a job that you love doesn’t make you wake up. I kind of felt that I lost some power when I cane out Of the 180. I just don’t know if I should still try to be supportive at this time or keep marching forward.

rynoz,

I'm just telling you right now because you are about to get lit up like a goddamn Christmas tree.

She is trying to get more from you and divorce rape you.

Not having a job is an intentional strategy by some women to get more alimony. You need to pull no punches at this point.

Good luck.

You're still in the habit of believing whatever your WW tells you. It's a tough habit to break, but does it make rational sense to you that she really got fired like that without any other factors? I mean, it's not easy to find someone, train them, get them up to speed and make a productive worker out of them. A couple days of texting sounds to me like something you might warn or reprimand on considering all the effort it takes to replace that person.

Your WW has been having an affair for some time now. There's no telling from where you stand, on the outside and out of the loop, what other infractions might have been in play. Maybe she took days off or gone in tardy that you don't know about. Maybe she's been previously reprimanded for personal phone use. Maybe she just sucks at her job and her employer has been waiting for a reason.

Do note though how quick she was to blame it all on you. VAR + 180.

ChamomileTea I think the time off coupled with the long texts that she was sending AP. His texts were short compared to mine. She was chasing him. I told her there is more to the story. I know her boss. He loved her. So only she knows how much time she was taking off because when she was doing it she wasn’t coming home. I do know from one of her texts that I read where she told him that she sent her assistant to lunch and if he was available she could step outside and talk to him. Who knows how much of that happened. Who knows, maybe his girl called her job. Because she did mention something about someone calling. I don’t know. I must say though that I’m blown away.

You are the victim of betrayal not her.

Remember she's a self centered liar and she's been irrationally blaming you for everything. Why do you believe her version of why she was fired?

It's not likely she got fired for a recent and temporary personal problem like car insurance.

It's more likely that she got fired after a longer term pattern of poor performance related to her affair, blowing up her marriage, and then getting dumped by the OM.

You are not in any way responsible for her loosing her job. Her decision to cheat and blow up her marriage (and all consequences) are 100% on her.

Robert22205https You are right. I don’t believe her version of the story. I know that a pattern had been created initially to hide her affair. It caught up with her. I’m not to blame. Her actions caused this. She was talking to me about karma. Now look. That thing came around quick. Her job is quick paced and she has to be laser focused as she was a supervisor. She always said when there was a holiday the first day back was extra work. However, if you are missing a lot of time then that’s a lot of work backing up. I stepped out to the store and while I was gone the process server finally made his way to serving her. Talk about piling on. She almost seems broken when I looked at her. Maybe the reality of her choices will hit her while she sits quietly in the room. I’ll never know I’m sure. But I can say right now I am to blame. (Not really but in her eyes). I feel a little sad for her even though she didn’t feel that way for me.

Robert22205https She has not yet been dumped by her AP. We’ll see when that happens.

Be smart and learn to ignore.

If not you’ll wallow in this longer than necessary.