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Rynoz,

You wrote, Who knows, maybe his girl called her job. Because she did mention something about someone calling.

Remind your WW that OMW or GF is a real person, one who has already gone through the hell on earth OM is now preparing for your WW.

What OMW GF is now your WW will soon be.

[This message edited by survrus at 8:10 PM, February 28th (Friday)]

She has not yet been dumped by her AP. We’ll see when that happens.

Looks like you are still on hopium. Even if she mellowed under her new realities, she would never be a loving partner to you.

The reason for losing the job may be her unsettled mind handling home and getting infatuated with POS. One cannot do anything well when the mind is unsettled.

It is useless to try to explain to her that you have nothing to do with it. Waste of words. She is using the job loss to get even angrier with you and your trying to explain is feeding it.

Goalong. I would say that I’m not on hopium. My plan is to still continue forward. I agree nothing I said she believed but she knows the real truth of what her boss said and it has everything to do with her. My walk thus far is unchanged. This is the so called karma she told me I would get.

The karma grown is the result of seeds you plant in your own garden.

The mental gymnastics that WS's spin is incredible. Its your fault she was fired lol. Just ignore her, do the 180 and don't engage.

And, 100%, get a VAR ASAP. You are prime for a false domestic violence charge.

I know this a painful time for you. I know you believe there will be justice for you in divorce court. You will not receive justice.

Florida is a 50/50 state of dividing marital assets acquired in a marriage. You can make even exchanges. IE equity of the house for the portion of retirement assets made during the marriage. You have been married for 10 years. In Florida this means someone is getting alimony for 4 years to make of the difference of income during the marriage. Florida follows the established laws during divorce.

A judge will not care about these texts. Do not engage with her. Ignore her.

This car is half yours in Florida no matter who it’s titled to. She will need to pay you out half of the value.

List all the assets and liabilities. Divide by 2. That is what she is getting and what you are getting. (Retirement accrued during marriage—not whole amount).

The wiggle room is alimony. Based on what is spend during the marriage.

The object is to avoid court. Going to court is going to cost money. If you want you can be divorced in 3 months. Or this can drag on and on. Legally separate from her this week. If you can’t afford this house or afford to cash her out of it. List it for sale now. This is the time of year that real estate moves.

rynoz, i know it is difficult, because for years, you were expected to support her in times of need. You have to remember that she fired you from that job. She has been telling you for some time how new AP is so much better and she doesn't need you. She should go cry to her AP. But she can't, because he is another relationship that he hasn't quit on. WW may be seeing that she is the side piece and likely not going to replace the main one.

Regardless, it isn't your problem. My XWW told me once that she was upset that I didn't offer to take her to some appointment for a medical issue she had. This was after we had separated (IHS) and after her 5th or 6th A. I told her it wasn't my responsibility anymore, she didn't want me to be that person anymore. That was the end of it.

Keep walking forward rynoz. Don't allow yourself to waiver. I'm rooting for you.

The object is to avoid court. Going to court is going to cost money.

There is an alternative, at least in my state and the option I am going to pursue first. It’s called Dissolution. IF (and I don’t think this is true in your situation, but you never know) you can sit down together and agree on who gets what assets and debts, pays alimony, gets the kids and tax deductions, all that jazz, then not only can you save a bucket full of money, you will also have your marriage dissolved in a shorter period of time.

Just a suggestion. By the way, that bucket of money you save is now divided between you and your WW, and not given to a lawyer.

Still there, Rynoz?

As part of the divorce you need to get her off any life insurance policies and change your will. Leave everything to your kids.

Get her off any financial instruments. I have my wife down as co-owner of all mutual funds and investments. You can get her removed with a quick visit to your broker. Have one or all your kids put down as the ones who are beneficiaries. I have my investments split between my two kids if something happens to me and my wife. You have to change this with a broker - not your will.

Lots of people don't think about this during divorce.

I’m still here kingofnothing. I am in the process of finding somewhere else to stay. She has no plans to leave our home. None it’s hard for me to stay here with her and be focused with the things that I need to do. So I’m going to give in and leave. That’s what I feel like I need for some measure of peace.

Make sure you talk to a lawyer before you do that.

I would advise against it if you don't want to be depicted as "abandoning the home" during divorce negotiations. It's a standard from the bag of tricks.

Rynoz,

You have I am guessing a competent attorney. Listen to the others, and do not make any move without the approval of your attorney.

No its not easy, but you are on the right path and have done so much right from the very start. Don't let her win by making a move that will cost your dearly.

Get and keep a voice active recorder on you at all times.

False retraining orders happen.

Under the circumstances I’d expose to her family.

It might help calm her down so you can get through this easier.

ALL of this! Protect yourself my friend!

I get home and she meets me at the door telling me she got fired today

This was strategic brother. She's looking to pound you in the divorce since she now has no income. You need to hire a hard core shark of a lawyer and tell him/her to go get it done with no remorse.

It's war!

talk to your attorney before moving out or taking any action. Listen to the others. Get a VAR, make copies of important documents and hide precious valuables that are yours just in case she files a false DV claim against you (which she may well do), keep on the 180 hard and move towards concluding this marriage.

I just read this thread again. I never understand these cake eaters because had you done to her what she has done to you, you would probably be in a python's stomach in the Everglades

Brother don’t give into her wants. She has gone under the karma bus, lost her marriage through her conscious acts, lies and deliberate actions. Lost her job again through her conscious actions of skipping out of work to message her AP. Also she has changed the marriage history by re writing the marriage. Now as she is finding out what her actions have caused. Your going to move out so she can feel better about her situation. Nah, put your big boy pants on. Only move if your lawyer gives their ok. It is about looking after your best interests. Keep your VAR on you but it was your house, cars and property. 50-50 as well as 50-50 of the marriage debt! She wants you out so AP can come over for a quickie.

Buffer

rynoz. Stay the course, brother. I know this is becoming a titanic pain in the ass. You don't want to jettison the advantage now. Just tell her to leave you alone and avoid her in the house. Go outside and grab a smoke when she gets whingey.

I know people harp on "Expose expose expose" in almost every relationship resource I've seen. It happens. In your case, I think it might be a good way to actually protect yourself. Here's why: she is going to be promulgating a false narrative very shortly about how you both "fell out of love", how she was trying to be reasonable but you're a monster, etc. etc. etc. I would write a simple narrative based on what you've related here, capturing the salient facts:

She approached you on this date ____ saying she was involved in an affair with another man she refused to name.

You did a little digging and determined she was having sex with this man _____.

She wanted to preserve her legally married state during adultery and have you be a husband in name only while she "takes a year with this new man". In the meantime, (I suppose) she lives with your and you remain in limbo.

You have refused to stick around as a compliant plan B, and pushed forward with a divorce.

She did not take your refusal well.

You have suggested she moves out to pursue her new life-- you have expressed your desire for her to "take her shit and bounce" in no uncertain terms.

Under Florida law you can't evict her as she has her name on the property.

You are respecting her rights as a person and have only confronted her verbally. Nevertheless her continued presence in a state of adultery is an affront, blatantly disrespectful and is exacting a price from you emotionally and mentally.

She is refusing to leave.

She has been fired from her job.

Her lover, ______ apparently has family of his own and for some reason she can't move in.

In the meantime, she continues to flaunt her affair with another man, with no apologies for her disrespect to her wedding vows. As of this date she has been served divorce papers and presumably both parties have legal representation for the dissolution of this marriage.

To summarize: if you are hearing any other narrative than the bare facts listed above, you are getting a false narrative. This is what happened, and any claim to the contrary is blatantly false and not backed up by hard evidence. You can provide plenty of that.

Rynoz, Did I miss something?

When you reduce something to the bare facts in bullet point form, it's hard to dispute it, isn't it?

I think when you speak the truth, with no emotion or inflection, the facts are pretty damning. Since she doesn't have a job it is not necessary to mess with her at work. It is inadvisable for you to do so. You want her working as soon as possible. Advise your lawyer she has lost employment and you need to factor that in to the divorce agreement. She got fired for negligence. Why should you pay for that?