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I’m just curious. How many of you view a 48 year old WH sleeping with a 23 year old OW as disgusting? I’m really struggling with this.

My WH and I are back under the same roof. We have rug-swept dday 3 which was with 23 yr old OW. I don’t consider myself in R. He’s here, I’m numb and conditioned to his cheating. He acts like we are fine and back to normal. I’ve been trying to get my finances in order and emotionally prepare for life without him. Due to the quarantine and several other reasons, I’m playing along with him. I’ve come to realize there is no remorse for me from him, he only feels bad for himself. He is not R material and never has been.

I am however still grossed out that he would engage in a sexual relationship with a 23 yr old and have the balls to tell me in the beginning, he had feelings for her. I feel sick over this. Sick that I have loved a man that would think this type of relationship is normal because she is of legal age.

I don’t expect him to ever change, but I’m saddened that he looks at someone that I view as a child, he views as a sex partner/ girlfriend. This type of behavior/ thinking is beyond even the disgust I have for his cheating. I really don’t think I can even like him again as a person.

Am I wrong to be so disgusted by the age difference or is this “okay” since she is over 18? I’m sure there are many different viewpoints, I would love to hear some.

[This message edited by Learningtofly17 at 1:35 PM, April 16th (Thursday)]

Sure, from a legal standpoint it’s “acceptable.” It’s perfectly fine if it’s not to you. I would also be extremely grossed out. Hell I struggle with the fact my husbands AP was only 3 years younger than me, but had never had children, so a much different body and mindset.

I just wanted to say, it’s ok if you feel like that’s disgusting and that you now find your WH disgusting for his behavior.

What do they even talk about?

My WH's AP was 20 years younger than him. He had the gall to say she was an old soul. They talked about music.

Just because she liked 80's music doesn't make her an old soul.

[This message edited by Stronger4it at 2:14 PM, April 16th (Thursday)]

My husband was 72 and the Vietnamese Lovely human being was 28! Talk about grossed out! I keep asking what could the 2 of you possibly have in common besides the love of your money? Heck he is ten years older than me even.

[This message edited by Sadismynewname at 3:05 PM, April 16th (Thursday)]

A reminder to all: This is posted in the Reconciliation Forum. There is to be no name calling in this forum. Venting is to be limited to you and/or your partner. Please post respectfully and constructively keeping in mind the goal for this forum is to reconcile.

When a person has destroyed a marriage of 36 years to get a few bucks very difficult to see them in a different light.

[This message edited by Sadismynewname at 3:03 PM, April 16th (Thursday)]

I don't know anymore. If the age was 75-50 I don't think I would care. I will also admit, I dated (briefly) a man that was 20 years my senior when I was in my early 20s. I broke it off as it was getting too serious on his end (he was divorced - not cheating - and I was the pursuer). He wasn't some creepy older guy...in fact he had issues with my being so young. I think it bothered him more than it bothered me. Granted, I am someone who hasn't cared about age one way or the other. I dated a guy 16 years younger than me right before I met my now WH. My WH is also younger than me (10 years). My long term ex before him was my age exactly. My first long term BF in my 20s was 9 years older. The difference between them all, for me, was some were more established than others due to their age, financially, and socially. But the age itself - I don't really care about. But I'm not of the norm. Or maybe I'm just timeless!

I'm creeped out by cheaters - period. Would I rather date a man 20 years older than me who treated me well and was fun and intelligent and interesting, or my young and attractive WH. The older guy hands down - you could change that to 20 years younger and I'd feel the same way.

[This message edited by ThisIsSoLonely at 3:06 PM, April 16th (Thursday)]

You are allowed to feel as bothered as you want by it. You also hold the key as to how much you want to think about it. You also can post about it here as you've done. All of this and how much of your head space you give it is up to YOU.

I will be 48 this year. I view 23 year olds as children. I have children around that age.

While they are legally adults, we all know that 23 is still very young. With little life experience.

My daughter is 25. She is the best person I know. She is well educated, mature, and makes good decisions. She's still very young. With little life experience yet. There is a certain wisdom, hopefully, that a 48 year old has, that a 23 year old doesn't.

If he was 75, and she was 50, that would be different.

IMO, nearly 50, and barely legal is skeevy.

Personally, I think it's skeevy. If my H's AP had been 23 I'd have been grossed out (and he is in his mid-30s). I can see why you're struggling with this.

My WH's AP was 20 years younger than him. He had the gall to say she was an old soul.

This made me roll my eyes. I'm sure it was her "soul" that he was attracted to.

Deleted

I am 48 and I have a 22-year-old son. I think it's sad that those men, in particular, can't accept that they are older and they refuse to grow old with their partners. It's nothing you did wrong. It's his warped thinking and the young kid that he is screwing should be smacked around too. Obviously her parents didn't teach her to color within the lines.

I think it's an issue in general. The line is blurring when it comes to sexuality. 23-year-old girls are displaying their sexy selfies out there and are being taught that its okay to have sugar daddies. Even if it means those sugar daddies are married men with families of their own. These girls have no morals instilled into them. All the men see is young vagina's and they think it means better sex with a young fresh body. Yes, that is how they view it because there is no mental commonality with that much of an age gap. It's purely physical.

I am glad you are getting your faculties in order. I would have a hard time with that myself. My ex-husband was pulling that with the porn dating sites and my current husband was reaching out through Fuckbook to a former employee of his that was 28 at the time and he was 46. Luckily she shot him down. His AP was a year younger than us, but I have seen his behavior in the past before we met gravitate towards much younger women and I often tell him if he can't accept his age and wants someone younger then there's the door.

You don't deserve that treatment so make sure you have a very skilled attorney that will pinch him so good that his sugar baby can't live off of him. 23-year-olds have no interest in broke older men.

Thank you all for your response. He is 25 yrs older, not 20. 25 is an extreme gap in my opinion. I let her know he is broke. He is in reality. She said she was also attracted to his sporty car... which he can barely afford. 🙄

I think he is very immature and probably did have a connection with her on some level. I don’t get how he thought he could actually cultivate a relationship with her and think that it would be successful. He told her he loved her, he latched on to her very quickly. I’m disgusted and I guess I’m still trying to understand his mindset, I don’t think I ever will.

His mindset? He loved the ego boost b/c at his age he thinks others are “impressed” he could date someone much younger and “hotter”

What he doesn’t see is the people who live in reality and see the “relationship” for what it is. A complete Fantasy Land not living in reality affair.

She may be impressed with his material things and think he has money. She may like the fact he can wine and dine on a classy level compared to guys her own age. Whatever she thinks - she’s not experienced enough to see through the facade of the affair.

I’m not saying age differences cannot work. But in many cases they just don’t for obvious reasons. No one is “impressed” he’s “Dating” a child.

My husband was 49 and OW was 26. Our oldest child was almost 20 at the time of the affair. For him it was her age, but honestly, most young woman that age would not give my husband the time of day. She saw his watch, his clothes and his car. Not rich by any means but more than she had ever seen in her life.

It hey clearly had nothing in common. He is a working executive and she is never completed 6th grade. He was married at the time 20 years and she had at the time 4 kids in foster care and three different baby daddies.

The worst is how close in age she was to our own children. She was was 5 years old when we started dating. She wouldn’t have even been an option for him back then. She isn’t pretty and she is much taller than him, very illiterate. Boggles the mind.

I do. I have a son close to that age difference. To me, it would be like having sex with my child. The MOW in my sitch is around 18 years younger than us. My oldest son is only 3 years younger than her. I am disgusted by the fact that my H had sex with someone so close to my son's age. Even now, with my son being 28, I can't imagine having sex with someone his age.

My WH’s AP was 13 years younger than him and it still disgusts me. I can’t imagine 25 years. I just think it’s disturbing on so many levels. That’s all I can comment and stick with the guidelines:)

Am I wrong to be so disgusted by the age difference?

Creepy...She is young enough to be his daughter.

If I saw them out together I would peg him as a dirty old man.

Like you it bothers me, my wh's affairs were with girls 25 years younger and it still haunts me to this day. Same age as our adult children and their spouses. He was a very typical sugar daddy.

No surprise there.

If I saw them out together I would peg him as a dirty old man.

I would peg her as a gold digger and laugh at him for being too stupid to know she was only after his $.