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Anger has come and gone for me, sometimes it was days of screaming and throwing things. Most days were just under the surface where something else would set me off and he bore the brunt of it. Very angry texts were sent many many days, where I could not even talk to him. Then I would be fine for a few days. It subsided for me at about 8 months in and stays pretty quiet now. It is still there but when I can see the work my husband is putting in it quiets it. Every now and then I think we all have bad angry days.

The whole month of may 2020 was a nightmare for reliving anger, frustrations, disappointments about my FWH's affair. I was snappy with him, I was withholding sex, I wanted little intimacy et. Yuck! He bore it all. Made me suppers, held my hand during our walks etc.

11 months into R.

And one day in may, I totally lost it. I actually pounded the chair I was in with my fists. I was screaming my head off. FWH was quiet. He never left the room. You see I realized that I had never acted out my anger. I felt it, talked about it during R, but never got any reaction from FWH.

The day I screamed and let it all out, well it opened up his eyes. I was furious with him. Irrational.

I totally scared myself though. I am normally quite in control of my behaviour.

It may well be that in the far future, more bad anger might come out. And that is OK. After the storm, there is peace. I am at peace right now.

I hit the anger stage almost right away after the initial shock. Screaming, smashing stuff with a hammer, nasty texts to the point where I dropped my iPad and smashed the screen. I'm just coming out of a period of constant rage toward the AP. At this point, I still hate her but I am not obsessed with hating her, nor do I feel a physiological rage response whenever I think about her. At the moment my H. is about to undergo major surgery in the next couple of weeks. He is so afraid of dying before we can reconcile and put the whole thing behind us. (He's not going to die, but it is a pretty major, scary procedure). Also, this past week marks the anniversary of My Mom's untimely death several years ago.

So at this point, I don't feel rage. I've felt sadness but also closer to being back to my normal self in terms of being able to eat and sleep normally and to concentrate on various tasks.. I'm really hoping that the rage part is done.

And one day in may, I totally lost it. I actually pounded the chair I was in with my fists. I was screaming my head off. FWH was quiet. He never left the room. You see I realized that I had never acted out my anger. I felt it, talked about it during R, but never got any reaction from FWH.

The day I screamed and let it all out, well it opened up his eyes

I did this too, well not in May but I was in the shower, screaming, crying, yelling. It bothered my fWH so much that he got in the shower fully clothed to hold me. Never telling me "Its ok" or even "I am sorry" at that time because he knows it will set me off. So he just held me and told me he loved me and was there.

I thought I was angry on dday and the months after because I cried and screamed at him. I think that was mainly shock.

Almost 3 years out and I can tell you that the real anger stage, at least for me, started sometimes as I entered year 2 and it got worse. The silent anger. The one that eats you from the inside. You don’t scream or call names anymore. You are just in a constant WTF moment and full of anger. Because you spent months and months looking for the reason why. And then it suddenly hits you: no reason ever will be good enough. None. And that’s when the anger stage hits you. When you realise you lost everything you believed in for... nothing.

We have a good marriage. A really good one. We laugh a lot. We communicate well. We are good friends. We have future plans. My WH thinks we’re doing well. We are. I just still wake up silently angry still wondering WTF happened to my life.

I’m working on it. I’m just saying that the anger stage isn’t necessarily the one where you scream and call him every name under the sun. It may hit you later, silently.

Luna10 100% correct. Im 2.5 yrs out. Silent rage. Just under the surface. If it gets released i have no idea what will happen. Broken shit for sure. Your post is spot on. There's no more looking, digging, etc. At this point you have realized there is no answer, reason, magic bullet. Men like to say "you can't unfuck her" i really don't care which way our relationship goes. I have to try and see if i can live with it or not. Could go either way.

So to answer the question

It's going well. Im mad as hell

YES! Luna10 for the win. She put into words whatI can't. Every single word.

And I so feel those WTF moments to my core.

Silent Anger.

The anger stage went swimmingly well for me. It started when my husband deleted the text from OW (first one that I ever saw) - phone ended up against a wall and the battery went missing (actually this was good because I saw an email later where the OW was looking for a replacement battery and I was "why is a subordinate looking everywhere to find a replacement battery for my husband's phone???). Later I turned his sedan and into a no-window jeep, I emptied the pantry once, I bashed a very nice camera to bits. We did a few runs to Goodwill for new plates. Wacked his laptop with my hand and broke the motherboard. Screamed many times. Emailed thousands of angry, fuck you emails. Re-wrote the entire marital history and decided I should never have married him. Hated myself for not paying attention to the red flags. Hated him even more for pretending to be a nice guy.

Hated that I was in a situation where I felt hopeless because everything was done and I could not change anything . Hated being full of hate, and hated my husband even more for being like that because of his crap.

I was SO ANGRY. I hated myself because, if I had been somebody else, it would not have happened to me. I hated the OW for pretending, to my face, to be a married woman wanting to meet my family, while she was having a massive laugh and saw me as a joke. Hated her even more for fucking my family and my marriage because she found my husband attractive. I hated my husband for bringing this sleazy world into my life. I hated the people who knew what was happening and never said a word. I hated my friends who were telling me to divorce him. I hated my friends who were telling me he was a good guy who fucked up. I hated that I was trapped. I hated my mother in law for "appeasing" my husband and telling him he would not get fired and he should sell the family house (fuck that, we changed the deeds to my name only). I hated getting reminders from the world every 2 mns that I had been cheated on. I hated all the convos and intimacy between my husband and the OW, when this was something I wanted for a long time.

Truly, I hated the whole world. It was as if my entire world had just tipped into a viper pit, kinda the bowels of the world, just disgusting, sleazy, makes your skin crawl with the behavior of people, 2 faced arseholes around me, the one-upping, the counsellors who wanted me to rug sweep, like it was my fault, because affairs makes you alive, because I am french and I should simply stuff it. I hated that they were giving my husband excuses. I hated not knowing which way I should go. I hated knowing that either I reconciled with a cheater or would divorce and have my kids being in 2 households.. I hated feeling overwhelmed and feeling I was drowning with all this sleazy shit around me.

I started praying a lot. "The truth will set you free" - that's what got me going.

I really hated all the pain and not being able to get rid of it and seeing the sunshine and a colorful world and not being part of it. That's what it was all about.

Initially I went through periods of anger and being clingy. Jumping from foul language and name calling and saying get the F out to crying and wanting to be held and comforted.

Anger protected me. Without it I would have rugswept lived in agony much longer than I did. There's an anger phase around 9 months, give or take. Reality is setting in then. I raged but still (addicted to hopium) hoped she would step up, do the things I asked of her and show that attempting R might be possible.

About 2 years out it became apparent there was never going to be a situation that attempting R could be considered by me. I raged. I wanted her gone. She wouldn't leave. I raged some more. Finally she left on September 23, 2017.

Some anger now and then following then but much less intense and less frequent. Just periods of irritation and head shaking now occasionally. I was irritated the D was taking so long, IMO.

I've been more angry at myself for not doing enough when I should have (even though that's based on hindsight knowledge). My IC has helped me work through that and forgive myself.

I posted on SI back in the beginning that I was not angry. Didn't understand why, I knew that I SHOULD be mad as hell, but weirdly just was not angry. As I drifted off to sleep one night about 6 months in, I remembered a passing comment he made to me that, in hindsight, was an obvious lie. Went on to sleep.

Woke up furious. Blind rage at everybody and everything remotely related. Yelled at anyone who got in my way. Answered telemarketers phone calls just so I could yell at them. Destroyed a few things and felt good about it. Full on bitch mode, which is not like me at all. Blind fury is exhausting. I'm better now, but then, I'm pretty much isolated from the rest of the world due to Covid 19.

I'm nearly 8 years past DDay. If I remember correctly the REAL anger hit me at about 6 months after DDay - before that I had patches of anger, but it was nothing compared to the pure rage I felt once the shock had really passed. The anger lasted a long time, months of it and it was actually scary to me. I would have episodes of throwing things - breaking mugs etc. I once even physically attacked my WS and scratched him, there were also a couple of episodes of scratching myself. I was really out of control for a while there. After that I found the anger came in waves, I'd be find for a few weeks and then have a couple of days of real anger again. To be honest it continued for years, with the spaces inbetween becoming longer over time. Even now, if something triggers me, like a movie or seeing something that brings it back, I get feelings of anger, but it's nothing like that rage I used to feel, and it passes relatively quickly.