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A deposition would seem to be the order of the day.

I would be very curious if I were you as to what they are so concerned about....

Coffeenespresso if there is the slightest chance he might try to say the marriage was broken before OW entered the picture, you need to be proactive. It is a common ploy, my X did it. My first appointment with my attorney, he made what seemed to be an odd request: search for any greeting cards given to you by your husband. Any photos of you opening nice gifts from your husband. Any receipts or credit card statements that reflect gifts to you.

This was our defense used for the X's claim. That while he might have decided the marriage was over and he had moved on to different pastures, he had not informed me. But there were cards signed "All my Love" etc. Blew that claim right out of the water. Strange things can come in handy.

I considered an AA lawsuit as OW was a active licensed realtor in Hawaii, owned property there and rendezvoused there with my X. However, despite the X's claims she had more money that we did - a quick check showed she was broke. Can't get blood from a turnip. Did a get a sworn deposition and while she was subpeonaed for the trial but opted to flee the country.

Hmmmm. Is the OW worried about being publicly outed? Is she in a career in which low morals would count against her? Is she worried about her parents, family, friends, church group finding out? Sounds as if you may have some bargaining power...

My lawyer and I have a call set up later this week to discuss their proposed changes. I'm interested to see what he thinks of them completely removing me from getting any alimony or retirement and then adding that.

I missed whether he has an attorney or not. How ludicrous! Good that it put you on alert!

So silly. Don't let it shake you.

There is no reason to go back and forth at this point. Look at their requests as "pathetic lowball offers" at the start of the negotiation to see if you may take it.

Do not limit or agree to anything at this point. Please talk with your attorney and follow their guidance.

My suggestion is to keep these options open for purposes of negotiation and settlement.

Do not agree to forgo alimony or retirement benefits (if you are entitled to such payments) without compensation of equal or greater value.

Many times the desire to not be deposed, testify, or be questioned about one's adultery or cheating with another lady's spouse has significant value.... depending on jurisdiction and one's desire to keep such adulterous acts out of public view. The pressure exerted on a wayward spouse by an affair partner and/or enablers to avoid formal disclosure can be intense.

It may be in your best interests to retain such leverage at this point in settlement negotiations and divorce proceedings.

Treat the process as a business negotiation (as much as feasible) to get as much of what you want and is legal/customary for your jurisdiction and circumstance.

[This message edited by Ripped62 at 8:23 PM, July 9th (Thursday)]

My state just legally squashed alienation of affection in 2017 with a state supreme court ruling. That was four years after my D, which meant it was legally on the books at that time. I knew it and Xhole knew it. I absolutely used it as leverage, even though I had no intention of doing it due to cost and the high burden of proof. Xhole didn't know that though.

So when Xhole was being difficult about something I threatened to drag all his OW thru the court to air his horrific behavior in public. Because he cares so much about what others think of him and needs to keep up the "good guy" facade, he backed off quickly.

So think about what you want and use this as leverage to get it. Protecting the OW from being dragged thru court must be very important for him or her for him to add this. It's their Achilles heel. Use it to your advantage.

Hey Coffee - what did your lawyer say?

My state's supreme court did away with AA cases too, but if I could, I would sue the fucking pants off his girlfriend bc (a) she's a serial cheating whore and (b) she got a nice sized inheritance.

My response to your WH's injecting this into a settlement would be to send his attorney a subpoena for her deposition. That should get the negotiations rolling pretty darn quick.