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Barcher, I'm betting it's over confidence. Everything has worked out for them so far so they're not trying as hard as they could be.

To date, opposing counsel has been effective, so I wouldn't discount anything at this stage of the game. She may be abrasive, but she obviously is getting results, at least where your STBXW is concerned.

I am assuming this because I hope for the best and prepare for the worst... but the other thing to remember is that opposing counsel has been playing the game against my first two attorneys who were awful. I have a good attorney this time (a very good attorney this time).

Barcher, I'm betting it's over confidence. Everything has worked out for them so far so they're not trying as hard as they could be.

You mean a narcissist would be overconfident?

My attorney said this just now via email about their case:

There is no cash flow provided, no documentation of the tax impacts of the dependent exemptions… with a bright judge she could not possibly prevail when she has the burden and they have offered zero evidence.

You also see that we're worried about the judge.

Prepare for the worst, hope for the best, and never ever underestimate your enemy. Especially when your enemy has shown to been effective in producing nothing out of thin air (med records for a dr you never saw).

I really really really hope that you have a great outcome in 2 days. Sending MoJo and good vibes your way.

You also see that we're worried about the judge.

You had said that your attorney, who has been practicing family law for 25 years has not appeared before this judge. Is this judge new on the bench? Is there any indication from previous cases similar to yours how the judge typically rules?

Most attorneys who specialize in specific areas of the law are very familiar with how judges in their jurisdiction rule. Has opposing counsel appeared before this judge? That would be something to understand, at least from a strategy standpoint.

Cat

Especially when your enemy has shown to been effective in producing nothing out of thin air (med records for a dr you never saw).

Yep. We are bringing this up too. In their exhibits, there is actually weak evidence to support our claims. For all of my other medical providers, there are notes like "received records from XXX provider and initial review." For this provider, there is nothing except "Voice mail from YYY provider." They didn't get any records because I was never there. They know it.

I really really really hope that you have a great outcome in 2 days. Sending MoJo and good vibes your way.

Thank you. I won't find out the results for up to 90 days after trial.

Is this judge new on the bench? Is there any indication from previous cases similar to yours how the judge typically rules?

He was appointed by the governor of my state a few governor's ago. So, he is not knew. The previous governor was in office for 2 terms... the current governor has been in office for 2-3 years (I don't know exactly)... so it's been at least 10 years that he has been on the bench.

Most attorneys who specialize in specific areas of the law are very familiar with how judges in their jurisdiction rule. Has opposing counsel appeared before this judge?

I live in a large metropolitan region. My attorney has no experience or personal knowledge from this judge. The paralegal for attorney#2 hated this judge because "he's stupid." Attorney#2 said that he was fine and suggested it was no big deal. I cannot recall whether Attorney#1 had any experience with this judge (I think not but I'm not sure).

Attorney#3 is quite miffed at the ruling from last summer. I have tried to defend the judge because my legal representation was so poor, but she said that he had no excuse. He should have double-checked the math presented by opposing counsel, her logic being... what if I was pro se?

Regardless, we are taking no chances. Our expert witness will explain everything so simply that a 3rd-grader could understand it.

So with any luck, the judge will have at least a 3rd grade ability!!

Mojo barcher!!!

I did not do well yesterday. Around noon, I started to freak out so I left my regular job and did some handyman work to help calm my nerves (there's nothing like scraping moldy caulk out of a dirty tub surround to make you feel better, I guess?).

I was pretty frazzled when I got home, but GF talked me into driving to pick up a pizza for her kids. Against my better judgment, I went... first to the wrong place (she thought she ordered my pizza place in city A, but it was actually in city B) and then to the right place.

With all of this driving, GF started explaining all of the things that she wanted my lawyer to do. GF does this often and it bothers me and she knows that. I asked her to stop nicely at first and then less nicely. Soon, we were yelling at each other. On the plus side, I decided to completely shift tactics and use that moment as an opportunity to be kind to someone who was being mean to me (per the advice of my attorney, this is how I am supposed to act in court tomorrow). This made GF even angrier, because she knew what I was doing.

I didn't sleep well last night. I woke up at 4am and couldn't go back to sleep. GF barely spoke to me this morning and I am sick to my stomach.

The good news is that trial will be over in another 32 hours or so.

Hang in there barcher, sending strength to get through today, and more strength and mojo for tomorrow. If I were in that position, and if it were at all possible, I would consider staying in a hotel for the evening.

Peace!! ((((barcher))))

Wow, I have a court date today as well. I hope that both of us do well. Sending good thoughts your way.

With all of this driving, GF started explaining all of the things that she wanted my lawyer to do. GF does this often and it bothers me and she knows that. I asked her to stop nicely at first and then less nicely. Soon, we were yelling at each other.

Have you thought about making discussions about both of your respective divorces a no-go zone?

My SO is an attorney; however, I have made the conscious choice to not "go there" with him. Why? Because I don't want to contaminate my good life with him with the remnants and loose threads of my prior life. My ex is a diagnosed narcissist and would love nothing more than to cause issues in our relationship, but I've put up a firewall so that he cannot effectively do so.

In your posts, I see a lot of bleedover from your old life to your new, and it might be time to further separate the two, especially since your GF has not even begun her divorce proceedings yet.

Just a thought.

Cat

Hang in there barcher, sending strength to get through today, and more strength and mojo for tomorrow.

Thank you very much for your support, as always.

If I were in that position, and if it were at all possible, I would consider staying in a hotel for the evening.

I think that you are referring to the argument with my girlfriend. That's not a big deal. It's just two stressed out people taking out their stress on one another. We're fine.

Wow, I have a court date today as well. I hope that both of us do well. Sending good thoughts your way.

Good luck to you too!

I talked to my attorney for 2 hours today (goodbye, $650), going over my testimony tomorrow. Everything went reasonably well. We're prepared, ready.

My attorney reiterated that she is shocked at how pathetic STBXW's case is. Apparently, there was a pre-trial conversation this week with opposing counsel and opposing counsel was surprised/annoyed that some of the exhibits that she thought we would use... are not there (like my tax return).

My attorney also found a couple more contradictions within STBXW's exhibits. She's claiming $300 per month in day care costs, but none of our children are in daycare. Her 2019 tax return showed that she spent only about $2000 on daycare in 2019, less than $200 per month.

Sending good mojo and positive thoughts for today, Barcher...

LIttle late but thinking about you today, and sending you postive vibes, and mojo.

Don't know what time your trial is, but MORE MOJO!!!!!

Hope you haven't updated bcuz you are busy celebrating the way things went with attorney #3.

I'm holding my breath.

Thank you for posting throughout your journey. Your threads are so rich and offer a lot of education for many of us.

A few of my (unsolicited) thoughts:

Most attorneys who specialize in specific areas of the law are very familiar with how judges in their jurisdiction rule. Has opposing counsel appeared before this judge? That would be something to understand, at least from a strategy standpoint.

True. True. True. Knowing the judge's style makes an impact. Between their own experience and the experience of colleagues, most attorneys have an idea what to expect and the judge's integral factors.

I did not do well yesterday.

This is so difficult.

GF started explaining all of the things that she wanted my lawyer to do. GF does this often and it bothers me and she knows that. I asked her to stop nicely at first and then less nicely. Soon, we were yelling at each other.

I didn't feel great reading this . . . it was the eve of your divorce trial eve and she wasn't supportive. Shrug. Feels weird.

I like Cat's suggestion of a no-go zone. I may implement that if I am entangled with another divorcee.

Fingers crossed.

Thank you, everyone for the support.

Trial was all day today and it went very weird.

The morning was my STBXW on the stand, explaining how she is the world's best mother and she does all these things for her kids such that she could not possibly work full-time... that would just be too much. She further explained that I refused to help her with the parenting, ever, even when our daughter was in the hospital. I learned that the kids hate me, all I do is work, blah blah blah.

My attorney scored several points when she asked if, because she was so overworked, she'd be willing to give me more parenting time. My attorney also scored a victory when she asked for the duration of alimony of only 7 years (down from the 11 years that they had been demanding all along).

The biggest victory was over the kids' tax exemptions. My attorney asked her what she thought the tax exemption should be and STBXW literally said that we should alternate the exemptions, which (for those of you not memorizing my story) is what we were requesting (they were officially requesting all three). My attorney IMMEDIATELY spoke up and asked the judge to make that permanent... at that point, I think that we recessed for lunch.

When we got from lunch, the judge asked all four of us if we agreed to that... and that part is done, over, finished.

The final piece of good news is that STBXW and her attorney failed to request that I keep a life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary. This is significant because I have had such a policy in the past and I think that she could have easily requested it (and been awarded it), but her attorney sucks for reasons beyond my personal opinion of her.

After that, my account/expert witness came in and basically described the math of the child support and alimony. It has me paying $1500 a month less than they are requesting, pretty much no matter what assumptions you make. This, I think, is the entire case because they have not presented any calculations and I don't know how you can justify a number without following the law. Opposing counsel was pretty much a dick to him and accused him of cooking the books, which I think cost her points with the judge. Dude was fantastic on the stand, literally a perfect witness.

After that, things went sideways. We brought in the HR person from my job. She explained many factors about my jobs really well and I thought that she was solid. Then, cross examination got really funky in which opposing counsel basically asked her to prove that I was doing some harebrained scheme to get reduced child support and alimony. I was basically accused of hiding salary for nefarious purposes. The HR person was asked to look up pieces of information on the spot and the judge went to recess. By then, we were out of time... and court was adjourned.

So, the bad news... we are back in court in a month. My colleague/friend has to come back to court, which is a huge imposition for her (although, STBXW has to pay... so assuming that I don't get forced to pay her attorneys fees, that's good). I also am another month away from being divorced. Another month of paying a ridiculous support that I can't afford.

I didn't feel great reading this . . . it was the eve of your divorce trial eve and she wasn't supportive. Shrug. Feels weird.

I'm not looking for relationship advice, but you are interpreting this wrong.

It's just too stressed out people bickering about nothing.