SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

AH, as a Born Again Christian, I hope your WW does strengthen her relationship with the Lord. I hope she digs deep with great curious introspection. That doesn't mean R is expected then. For me the Bible is the final word. Divorce is allowed for adultery and would be the only condition that would allow me to D my XWW. The Bible (God's word) further states that the BS is free to remarry but the adulterer is not. If the adulterer remarries it is considered adultery by God.

I misunderstood the course your WW was promoting to you that it had something to do with working together for a stronger marriage which I would fully support sans adultery. However, IMO, your WW should be concentrating on herself and her own healing.

My XWW, a Born Again Christian, is developing a much closer relationship with the Lord from what I understand. I'm happy for her. That's great. I think though, and this is only my opinion because we don't talk very much at all, she is using that as a barrier to gloss over deep introspection. She's trying to lay a heavy concrete pad over all that - keep it buried. I don't think she wants to dig deeper because that would be too painful. So better to pretend it never happened and start over fresh. I wonder if your WW is doing the same thing with her faith walk. Jesus saves so I don't need to think about it.

My WW believes that good morals can only come from faith.

No Faith=No Morals

Got it.

A real quick story---My wife is Catholic. I'm not(longer story), but am supportive of other people's beliefs. Anyway, we start our married life, have 2 small boys, and she takes them to Church. They go to CCD. Typical upbringing.

Well, it turns out that our younger son is gay....probably took him into his teen years to understand himself. But I don't have to go into detail about how Catholisism views homosexuality. And we pushed our son through its teachings....albeit with good intentions. But how do you think that has fucked with his mind? Do you think he is a staunch Catholic? Why would he have faith, and believe in something that refutes him?

Bottom line---he is a good kid/young man. He doesn't need faith to help him make good choices in life. And to believe that he needs faith to have good morals is almost criminal. It is at a minimum delusional....and unhealthy....in my opinion.

I think though, and this is only my opinion because we don't talk very much at all, she is using that as a barrier to gloss over deep introspection. She's trying to lay a heavy concrete pad over all that - keep it buried. I don't think she wants to dig deeper because that would be too painful.

That's the concern I was trying to put into words. The kind of introspection that a WS needs to accomplish is so deeply personal and painfully humbling. It can't be a blanket statement about sins and sinners. It has to be precise. It has to be about the WS and no one else, and they have to see what caused the defect in their character and mindset. They have to track it back, root it out, and replace it with something more sturdy.

I too was raised Catholic but in my early teens I "got saved " and I did become more devout in my faith. My wife didn't "get saved" till after she betrayed me but before we got married. She tried to use the excuse that she was a "new creation in Christ" and that what she did was all under the blood of Christ, so it didn't matter anymore. That didn't fly for me and she stopped using it. Your WW was already "saved" and she didn't live by Gods law. Now, she can confess her sin and He will forgive her, but there's still consequences for that sin. As far as you not being very religious makes me think you probably won't ever get to the place of R. I know that a lot of my ability to R came/comes from my walk with God. And I sill struggle. I'm not saying that you have to be devout a Christian to R. I'm just saying that I don't know how one gets past the hurt of this kind of betrayal with out Gods help. It was Gods help and the thought that she was used by the POSOM that helped me get past the biggest part and stay with her. I'm not pushing you in any way with regard to your faith, that is your business. I just don't see a bridge over this betrayal on your own. But I don't know everything. I do support you and continue to pray for you and your family.

Shame about the COVID, luckily it's not the killer it was advertised to be, so I have full confidence in your speedy recovery.

Yeah...WTF???

I wish my BIL, who died from COVID-19, knew it wasn't a killer. He wouldn't be dead today otherwise.

ETA: I am so sorry that you and your sons contracted COVID. I am hoping you all have a fast and full healing of this horrible virus.

Thank you eastdean for the stats that I didn't have to post.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 3:15 PM, September 20th (Sunday)]

Religion has been, still does, and always will be a rationalization service aimed at glossing over reality with cliches and platitudes. It specifically forbids deep, independent thought. And discourages progress. Apply the right cliche/platitude and END OF DISCUSSION! And, it basically says that if you don't believe this or accept that, then you just don't understand... Circular reasoning at it's finest.

Please do not threadjack with a COVID-19 mortality rate discussion. Eastdean and SisterMilkshake will have their innumerate lunches handed to them if they insist. But that isn't the thread topic. Please let it go by sparing us your innumeracy. Take it to a more appropriate forum if you must.

@justsayno, haha, that's some mighty fine hypocrisy.

Eastdean and SisterMilkshake will have their innumerate lunches handed to them if they insist.

.^^^^ ^^^^^ Are you threatening us? I'm quaking. Are you a mod or admin?

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 5:51 PM, September 20th (Sunday)]

Eastdean and SisterMilkshake will have their innumerate lunches handed to them if they insist.

.^^^^ ^^^^^ Are you threatening us? I'm quaking. Are you a mod or admin?

Admin/mod: no

Threatening: no

I just stated a fact. Seems to trigger you though.

I won't make another comment in this thread regarding COVID-19. My hope is you can control yourself too.

I'll ask one more time... Please don't threadjack with a COVID-19 mortality rate discussion.

Well, justsayno, for someone that has been here for a little over a month, has not shared anything personal or made himself vulnerable, I think I will just ignore your admonishments and guidance on how and on what I should post. I see you, though, and feel I know what kind of poster/member you are. Thanks, but no thanks.

It is interesting that you choose to point out the posts that you did but totally ignored the first post that caused the actual t/j. The post that "triggered" me. I guess since you are most likely like minded so it is okay that he did.

Carry on, dude, and maybe you can stay in your lane. If the OP asks, or a mod or admin, okay, otherwise...

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 6:11 PM, September 20th (Sunday)]

The next time this comes up you might let your WW she’s actually wrong on the actual point of Christian belief. Christian theologians don’t suggest that you cannot be a moral person if you don’t believe in God. Because this is obviously not true. They only say that objective morality itself comes from God. Big difference that believers and non believers alike get confused about all the time.

So to suggest that believing in God makes you a good person and that not believing makes you bad is wrong on the actual evidence. For instance if you’re a Christian you believe in the Devil. The Devil most certainly believes in God, if you subscribe to the idea he exists. The Devil isn’t good - he’s the very opposite of good.

Well, justsayno, for someone that has been here for a little over a month, has not shared anything personal or made himself vulnerable, I think I will just ignore your admonishments and guidance on how and on what I should post. I see you, though, and feel I know what kind of poster/member you are. Thanks, but no thanks.

I would think that someone that has been here a long time and seems to basically live here, that you'd know better than to threadjack and make personal attacks. I guess not.

It is interesting that you choose to point out the posts that you did but totally ignored the first post that caused the actual t/j. The post that "triggered" me. I guess since you are most likely like minded so it is okay that he did.

You're absolutely right that I saw the first personal attack that was based on ignorance and decided, after rolling my eyes, to ignore it. It wasn't until you decided to pile on that I decided to point out that if you're going to brigade with this naive holier than thou attitude that there *is* a counter point. However, I also noted that it really doesn't have anything to do with the AHGuy thread and asked that it be taken off line. I would think someone of your *stature* would get that immediately, but I guess I'm wrong.

Carry on, dude, and maybe you can stay in your lane. If the OP asks, or a mod or admin, okay, otherwise...

You don't get to decide who's in and out of a lane any more than I do. The fact you're willing to threadjack says more about you than me. I just asked you to stop which seemed, and still seems, perfectly reasonable to me.

How about she is moral because she loves her husband. Just a thought.

Again, I have to laugh at the complete hypocrisy (or is it irony?) of your post(s), justsayno.

I used to live here. I don't anymore.

How about she is moral because she loves her husband. Just a thought.

Being in love with someone doesn’t make one moral.

Bad people, like mafia dons, love their wives and kids.

Aside from that the evidence that AHGuy’s WW loves him is very thin indeed - for anyone who has been paying attention to this saga. She has acted over and over in decidedly unloving and hateful ways for half a decade or longer.

So she’s unloving and sanctimonious to boot. Bad combo.

[This message edited by Thumos at 12:35 AM, September 21st (Monday)]

Eastdean, SisterMilshake and justsayno,

I thought religion and politics were strictly a no go in this forum? And isn't this what 'Off Topic' is for? It seems to be getting dangerously close...

Either way - the thread IS getting derailed. Y'all chill And I will have a pina colada in your honor at the beach

Come on guys - please?

NeverTwice now there you go. It seems you are derailing it now.

[This message edited by SisterMilkshake at 10:04 AM, September 21st (Monday)]

thought religion and politics were strictly a no go in this forum? And isn't this what 'Off Topic' is for? It seems to be getting dangerously close...

Religion typically is but the matter of his WW’s professed faith renewal, involving the pastor and the church community, letting Jesus take the wheel etc — along with the WW’s sanctimonious attitude toward her daughter’s SO — has been a key factor in AHGuy having to consider his next steps.

I’ve brought up religion but only in that context — most recently in references to his WW’s incorrect theological assumptions.

Different if it is shoehorned into a discussion, and I think that’s what the guidelines mean. Otherwise we’d be neglecting a fairly large chunk of what AH is having to deal with.