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The two of you weren't together when this girl had sex with him.

I don't see why she should quit her job. She didn't do anything wrong.

Why doesn't he find another job?

He runs the place. His partner hired her when he broke it off and she said she would quit about a week or so after, which was last week. she refuses now. shes driving 45 minutes to this job to just interfere. He doesn't want her there. He is trying to avoid the same shifts with her but he works in a different area anyway. she is a waitress and he is the chef.

she did interfere. I messaged her what was going on between us after he and I decided to wait on counseling to do anything with anyone. she has been hitting on him since last yr and asking him out when we were heavily involved. He told me back then, I didnt find it troublesome nor did I ask much because Im not jealous nor had any reason to think he would act on anything, its not his style. she took my message as a threat and is basically marking her territory by showing up, getting the job etc. she told him she was going to show up at my house and I know she has driven by and threw a drink at it. remember she just turned 24. But she wont confront me or ask me anything. He ended it and she wont go. She was suppose to move out of state too and she hasnt done that either. she lives in a different city then us. But their job is literally blocks from my house down the main street where I have to drive to any store, so I can see who is there.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 9:32 AM, April 9th (Friday)]

His partner hired her when he broke it off and she said she would quit about a week or so after, which was last week. she refuses

This makes no sense. After he was with this girl, his partner hires her to work there. Why would he do that?

. I messaged her what was going on between us after he and I decided to wait on counseling to do anything with anyone. she has been hitting on him since last yr and asking him out when we were heavily involved. He told me back then, I didnt find it troublesome nor did I ask much because Im not jealous nor had any reason to think he would act on anything, its not his style. she took my message as a threat and is basically marking her territory by showing up, getting the job etc. she told him she was going to show up at my house and I know she has driven by and threw a drink at it. remember she just turned 24. But she wont confront me or ask me anything. He ended it and she wont go. She was suppose to move out of state too and she hasnt done that either

You messaged her and told her. Why didn't he? Why is it your job to tell anyone to stay away from your boyfriend? Where are his boundaries?

I think this man has you believing he he's an emotionally stunted man, who is innocently going about his business, while this woman(who he works with,slept with,spends time at his home) is chasing him. He's the victim. Poor guy.

She was offered the job. She took it. Why doesn't he fire her? She comes to his house. Why doesn't he tell her to leave?

I think he's lying to you.

I dont think he can legally fire her w out a reason. the partner did not know the situation but yeah it was not a smart decision. she applied, she got it.

She has been coming on to my guy when I was heavily involved with him and I decided to say enough after he and I decided to try to see a counselor and figure this out. that only made her show up more. Maybe wasnt my job but I also wasnt going to not say nothing after so long. I wanted to make it work. and I wanted to know why she was pursuing someone twice her age and when he was taken. she didnt respond. she just flipped out and started stalking me he said. he was already done with her at this point. there are no texts and she is not coming to the house. I dont get why his roommate doesnt just go to her house to hang out.

He hates confrontation and I know this as a fact, he has an issue coming forward to say how he feels and what he needs. he avoids confrontation like the plague and his mom is the same. they dont deal with emotions or being forward. his dad is like me, we are both blunt, chatty and determined. He is not a normal guy at all and in many ways, this is why I care for him so much.

He saw the counselor yesterday and has several visits set up. He got yelled at by him about several things. I know the counselor,he's very good. I saw him 12 yrs ago but my ins changed so I go to someone else since he is costly. He is awesome and cuts down to the gritty real fast. I think we will see him together in a couple visits. were moving forward though and Im happy for that.

I guess no one can truly understand unless they are in it. He may have f'd up, I may have said things I should not have, etc... but this is the person I want to work with to have future with, that doesn't end.

I guess the silver lining is, sometimes bad crap happens and opens a different door. I just still choose him after all this because of the things we had together, because of what can be and what has already been done and shared between us/my children.

I am hopeful which is better than where I was 10 days ago.

I had just made an update that we were in R and things going pretty well.

WRONGO. the full story was out last night. His other woman came forward to bait me to say some things while he listened then lied to her in the background and said he hadnt even seen me in months. It all fell apart then. The mistress said they have been together when we were together for months and ofcourse he said he wasnt with me for 6-8 months. I was with him not always sexually but I was with him in Dec, Jan 28, Feb, March. all the time! he was double dipping on the same days sometimes. all his moves were the same with both of us. He told her he loved her and me, and ensured it was done with her cause she was nuts, on meds, etc. He told me a lot about her that I would not know unless he was involved with me. She knew alot about me, that she should not, unless she was with him. we exchanged screenshots. I had the most proof. and thats what she needed to leave him too.

He fooled us all. He and I committed to get better together to for future. he said he loved me over and over and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. that he was seeking counseling every week, which was THE ONLY TRUTH, but he never told the counselor he was banging 2 girls, one who is younger then my children. of course not, he would be ousted!

I spent the night in complete adrenaline. met with the other woman, we matched stories and found the holes. he would tell her he was hanging out with friends when with me, he would tell me he needed space when with her. she had a house key tho. shes only been sleeping with him for a few months but they started an emotional and flirty affair when he and I were together. He blamed it on me that he had the affair in the first place. cause I said I wanted to date other people, he had ALREADY BEEN SLEEPING WITH HER FOR AGES.

so yeah 2x4 in the head since last night. shock till 1pm today then cried the entire day. havent slept since yesterday morning. I feel like I was injected with epinephrine.

I am officially out. He risked my life w his raw dogging. he exposed us to herpes, he just didnt care about anything but himself. he got his ego boost alright. and his parents knew he was playing 2 girls and never told me. I have been involved 7 yrs and they didnt tell me. fucking great. screw them all. The bridges can BURN.

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 9:41 PM, April 28th (Wednesday)]

and she was working there this whole time! so even the work knew he was with me and then saw him with her. OMG, the lengths others will go to hide shit for others.

I'm really sorry your relationship turned out this way. I'm glad you found out, though, and glad that you found out now, before you put even more time and energy into him.

thank you. Im hurting badly.

The two of you weren't together when this girl had sex with him.

Turns out they were! I was just led to believe it was a few day thing.

I posted on your thread in JFO.

I'm so sorry ((((lifestoshort))))

thank you, any words are helpful.

ok I got a ton of answers today from the OW. there is no way she could be lying about this. she told me too many things that are spot on and she trusts me for confirming information anytime she asks. The roommate of our mutual guy confirmed everything I said. that he sees me with him and my kids all the time and he just assumed we were great friends vs a couple . He said we used to be in the place he works as a chef all the time too. so the girl was just not told by anyone what she was walking into. I told her! but she dint believe me because our guy, told her that we were not together so she believed him. WRONGO. He is avoiding her. he showed no emotion when she tried to talk to him and he just got angry like it was our fault. so now the OW suspects a 3rd person involved. I said I would not put it past him. He has another ex he keeps in contact with. so she wants to message her but I only know the girls name but because guess what that girl message me when they dated and said he was not to talk to me. and therefore I stopped since he pursued me and I had no clue he was with anyone. Today started off as rubbish and ended on a good note. she said shes refusing to quit work where he is and she will just ignore him. I HATE that idea because it gives him the option to hook up again. she was in her car with her head down after work and he was laughing it up at the bar w the guys who work there. what an ass.

she says over and over, how can he do this to 2 nice women. I said cause its not about us. and sorry to say but the fact that he did it to you as well makes me feel better. I dont feel so alone like it was my fault at he made me believe. and now I can laugh about some parts, like the sex stuff. the ONLY part I was flipping over yet was thinking he was with her. again, hope shes not lying but I do not think she will ever go back. she spoke with his ENTIRE family and they all enabled him and covered. they all knew I was with him. they didnt tell me either. so we feel that last blow was too much. but I have known his parents for 31 yrs. so you'd think they would tell me!

is it normal for me to not feel much? only some anger? Im not crying or feeling out of it. its only been 2 weeks. am I just numb to survive?

Im not sure what to do with myself. But I am eating and sleeping well now. no racing thoughts or anxiousness. Maybe I just accept it? is this good or bad? I dont see counselor for 2 more weeks.

today I got triggered. the anxiousness started last night. knowing she was lying and he is letting her boss him around and decide his life, and destroyed ours. she does not care. my kid are hurt and upset.

that all hurts. Not crying hurt. but like another woman who is half my age can think so high of herself that she comes in with a wrecking ball and just takes out what she wants, like taking away oxygen,just if she sees fit. I just dont get that. I fucking care about people. for a job too... I dont see how some can be so heartless. and for him to be always in love with me then one day he just switched.

My 1st trickle truth was pretty right. he did end it with her and saw she was nuts. then she just kept stalking us all and she won. she won by ruining family unit. whether he was right for me or not, she just decided she wanted it and she was going to get it. he said no to her. he could not get it up. I know he didnt want it. but then he probably craved her, shes bossy. he gets hot off bossy strong women. Hence me. BUT I wont be bossy in sex. I cant be the man in the relationship and bed. nope.

anyway, thats where I am at. Feeling upset and angry today. Like i want to break shit and scream. like my soul has been hurt on purpose. some people are scum and slime. she and he are it. No apology. no remorse.

Personally, I think you've dodged a bullet. This fellow was never going to make you or your relationship a priority. You reinforced this by putting up with his shitty behavior and not expecting him to act as an adult in a relationship.

Stop focusing on her--it takes two to tango, and he was more than willing to be with her.

You deserve better. I'd work on myself before I started dating again.

Cat

you are right. I should have never given him so many chances. I was always fighting with him about the lack of communication, me driving the relationship and him not following through. Constant battle about him being in a 20 yr old mind frame. I always KNEW I deserved better was just too romantic to start over when he was the 1st every thing. I look at pictures of him recently and cringe. I remember how he treated me and want to hit him with a pan in his man bits.

this was not about self esteem. Ive worked on myself for ages and Im over it. Im not broken, nor will I be ok thinking so. Sure, I have trauma and thought he was something else/more. Now that I know he was a covert narcissist and lied the whole time, its easier. its why Im NOT crying. Im just so ticked off. and the biggest issue I have is waking daily with it, visions, thoughts of so much bs. I cannot stop it. I hate it. even if busy, I cant stop it. it musters its way in all damn day. Help me.

I read a few books and after this last one (Lose a cheater, Gain a life) Im not reading any more. I want to stop being plagued by this hell he caused.

guess who got pissed at me for turning him into the DEA? karma!

[This message edited by lifestoshort at 7:54 PM, June 18th (Friday)]

Lts please stop trying to force karma on them. What and who he does is no longer your concern and by continuing to obsess over him and the ap, you're robbing yourself of happiness and of the chance to move on and get clear of him. That's putting focus and attention on them that they don't deserve from you.

I get that it isn't fair and that it sucks. But people like him will always come to a sticky end all on their own.

you must be replying to an old post. did you see my last one?

so I have to go to court with them... we pulled her full record. I thought she had 2 records for drugs, its FIVE. most recent 6 months ago. omg. no wonder he his acting so weird, angry and off. he is absolutely using. I met with the womens abuse center to prepare and talk. so so helpful. I have a lawyer. I know it will go well. she drove by my house 5 times in 12 hours. and I realize she is nuts and worried he is with me. SHE is stalking me on facebook and my house. but Im not filing anything against her right now because I need to collect all the info on her driving by my house for the case and the more she screws up the more proof I have.

also she told me some drug info about selling/giving it to people so Im reporting her too. I have someone to testify against her.

why does all this matter? cause my kids are involved and the defamation law suit is next.

Ok. He left. It was over. You have continued to drive by his work,and his house, several times a week,if not daily. You scan the parking lot to see if he is there, if she is there, and what either of them are driving. You continue to say you are done with him..but you refuse to go NC. You continue to look for dirt on either of them. Now you have turned them into the police. Why? If she is a crazy drug addict, and he is using as well, YOU have placed yourself in danger. You have no idea how someone like that will react. Had you stayed away, you wouldn't be dealing with their crazy anymore. You say she keeps driving by your house, but you were doing the exact same thing. You were stalking them.

You are thriving off of this drama. So what if you can show reason to get a restraining order. They're just pieces of paper. Especially to an Unhinged druggie who wants revenge.

What are you going to do, if they have you,on tape, driving past their house all the time? Their neighbors might have cameras. They would have a good case if they went after you for stalking them.

This entire thing may blow up on your face.