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Jambomo ( member #74853) posted at 6:43 PM on Tuesday, April 13th, 2021
I will probably forgive her in the future, but I will never be able to trust her again.
There is plenty of time for thoughts on any of that down the road. Don't feel pressured by others into seeing or talking to her right now - she is not a priority. If you need to block her or mute her calls for a bit then do so - it can help a lot to not be seeing her attempts at communication.
Right now, taking care of yourself is the priority. I'm glad you've had some smoothies and water at least, to get some energy.
jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 6:48 PM on Tuesday, April 13th, 2021
Glad to hear the your are 'okay'....whatever that word means post infidelity. 
I will say this about your sister: if she was really aware of the damage she caused, she wouldn't be worried about your forgiveness--she would be worried about how you are holding up. It's the difference between remorse and regret.
Regret: All about them
Remorse: All about you
BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married over 30yrs.
All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary PuckettD-Day(s): EnoughAccepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:58 AM on Wednesday, April 14th, 2021
Regarding your sister and forgiveness- she is expecting YOU to forgive her. Just know you are NOT required to forgive her.
Also she needs to earn your trust (what little you may give to her) back and seriously, if she has no remorse then you are not likely to forgive her. Ever.
She is still expecting you to just “move on”. That is the selfish part of her thinking and behavior.
She needs to back off and let you heal. I’m sorry she’s just a disappointment.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 11 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 3:33 AM on Wednesday, April 14th, 2021
You are allowed to take your sweet time in getting thru this pain. Taking a year or even more is not unreasonable as this was a crushing blow.
Some day down the road if you feel it in your heart and if she’s done some real work on herself it would be fine to forgive your sister. But she should be checking herself into individual therapy for 6-12 months. It’s time for her to grow up.
And you are right, forgiving is different from trusting or forgetting. And you should let her know that.
Take care
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
Alexandra95 (original poster new member #78607) posted at 11:36 PM on Thursday, April 15th, 2021
What exactly does she mean by intimate?
She said they had been fondling, kissing, and cuddling, but they never had intercourse.
Your sister is probably quite jealous of you
She's jealous of me? Do I even have anything that makes her jealous?
Also she needs to earn your trust (what little you may give to her) back and seriously, if she has no remorse then you are not likely to forgive her. Ever.
I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her, but she seems to be remorseful.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 12:10 AM on Friday, April 16th, 2021
Forgiveness is for the forgiver, Alexandra. For your sister it will be that if you forgive her then she can say well it wasn't so bad what I did because Alexandra has forgiven me.
Forgiveness is on your timeline. I'm a born again Christian. Forgiveness is for you. It is not linear. It's one little piece at a time. When you're ready and it feels right. Your sister doesn't even have to know. It is for you and your peace.
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
BlueRaspberry ( member #76065) posted at 12:31 AM on Friday, April 16th, 2021
Alexandra,
She's jealous of me? Do I even have anything that makes her jealous?
Based on what you've written and how you reacted to this betrayal, how about integrity and a strong moral compass? I'm guessing there are plenty of other reasons as well your sister may be jealous of you - perhaps intelligence, a sense of humor, drive, humility, ambition, etc. If all you're comparing are physical attributes, I think you're missing the more important things that make up quality individuals.
steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 1:23 PM on Wednesday, April 21st, 2021
How are you doing, Alexandra?
BH(me)72(now); XWW 64; M 42 yrsDDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW 4 years; "dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, liesSeparated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020
HouseOfPlane ( member #45739) posted at 1:26 PM on Wednesday, April 21st, 2021
Do I even have anything that makes her jealous?
Character
Hope you’re doing well Alexandra
Sending strength!
DDay 1986: R'd, it was hard, hard work.
“Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?”
― Mary Oliver
PricklePatch ( member #34041) posted at 4:00 AM on Friday, April 23rd, 2021
Don’t mistake regret at getting caught and betraying her own sister with true remorse. Of course she is begging and pleading for forgiveness. However, is she in contact with your ex. Is she planning to go undercover or have a relationship with him. Is she still gaming with him. Does she understand that all these things are unacceptable. Who is holding her accountable?
My sister knew my boyfriend was cheating on me with my BFF and she chose not to tell me. She didn’t cheat on me. However, she broke a trust never repairable. She betrayed me again about something else, many years later. My sister is narcissistic tendencies. Once they show you who they are believe them. Sounds cynical, however I learned exactly who my sister is. I can think of 5 major betrayals from her.
Is she in therapy to find out why she betrayed you?
sfort ( new member #78682) posted at 1:21 PM on Saturday, April 24th, 2021
Your sister is VERY sorry...sorry that she got caught.
Sofarsogood ( member #71991) posted at 2:54 PM on Friday, April 30th, 2021
I guess one of the points that I ponder is if your sister is such a knockout, why did she go after (or accept) the attentions of your long term fiance? It would seem that she could pursue the attentions of virtually any other man. Her external beauty won't make up for her selfish ugly character. Actions have consequences, and personally, I would have a hard time letting her interact with any of your future love interests.
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