SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She's moved on. WS don't generally have a problem and kind of expect to remain friends. Theress a certain lack of empathy or at least caring about the trauma they will inflict on their BS to have the affair that carries over to the aftermath in non remorseful ones.

Just think. If those two end up together they started their lives sending nude pictures to a married person. How romantic. Ugh!

Another contact from WW yesterday. Long story short she’s trying to cut herself off from a family member entirely because she’s unwilling to do anything but float around in fantasy land. Nevermind the pain she caused to two families. This request involved me logistically.

If the initial action didn’t hurt enough the complete lack of remorse is a continued reminder. She has also cut contact with mutual friends to avoid any addressing of her actions. Anyone she cannot entirely dictate the narrative to is out.

Working my hardest to stay no contact save for the required items. First draft of docs supposed to be ready this week.

[This message edited by Maxwell354 at 6:43 AM, July 26th (Monday)]

Her world is starting to crumble now and she's feeling it. Next time she will lose everyone close to her except for her new old guy. She will be lonely once she realizes everything around her turns around and she has no place to go.

Good job on your NC!

Do you know what? It's better like this than a phony reconciliation effort. There is not the slightest confusion about what to do.

Of course, I'm not saying that she is doing this as an angel thinking of you.

Next time she will lose everyone close to her except for her new old guy.

I will hope and dream that this level of cosmic justice exists. But she began surrounding herself with bad influences from her various employment some time ago...questionable enough that they may have even encouraged this behavior. But it's moot now. She will give them "her" narrative like I said above and I think she will work to cut out anyone who she cannot give this story to. She seems to have little problem closing doors if it allows her to avoid confronting her feelings or issues. Anyone from her "old" life other than siblings and close family will be removed and she will move forward with her "yes men".

It's better like this than a phony reconciliation effort

This is very true. Having a second DDay (like I see in so many signatures) after having wasted additional months or years has to be just as devastating as the first, if not more so.

But she began surrounding herself with bad influences from her various employment some time ago...questionable enough that they may have even encouraged this behavior.

Eventually these people will leave her too. They might be the ones encouraging her cheating. These are not real friends, they were only with her because they 'click' or they might have similar 'interests'.

All the best!

At this point nothing should surprise you.

Seems to me she is running away from everything and everyone to avoid dealing with it.

It's going to catch up with her, she isn't going to be able to avoid it all forever.

All you can do is keep moving forward. I really think you are going to be fine in the future. Your still young and can have kids if you want to go that route.

I know you are trying to take some of the blame for problems in the marriage but.. I just doing think she was mature enough to really work out the issues. I think you would have ended up with lot's more communication problems.

I know it's got to be difficult but try to detach and move on. Things are going to get better.

Does the other man's wife and her co workers know what a slut she is. If not blow up that world.

I will hope and dream that this level of cosmic justice exists.

Don't be too devastated if it doesn't. It happens. Sometimes, the cheaters swan off with their new crowd and new AP, telling the big lie to whomever will listen and buy it, nodding sadly at how "Brave" they are for leaving their situation.

For every incident of cosmic karma that exists, there's an example of the flip side of the coin, where they go off and live their shoddy lives together.

The point is to be indifferent to either result.

I just cleared my work calendar of tasks and realized I’ve made it through July. The days are still full of pain and heartache but…one step at a time. July 2021…The indisputable worst month of my life. Hopefully that crown is never usurped.

I also noticed that whenever I see a date my mind now jumps to either

BC: before (discovery of) cheating

or

AD: after DDay

[This message edited by Maxwell354 at 6:41 PM, Friday, July 30th]

You have been through a lot in a short time so good to be proud of yourself. I’m sorry you had to go through this at all but always looking at the bright sides, thank goodness you found out who you were really married to now rather than years down the road. Wishing good luck.

I also noticed that whenever I see a date my mind now jumps to either

BC: before (discovery of) cheating

or

AD: after DDay

Funny(?) that you mention this.

For me, and I'm sure many others, it is our new calander/datebook.

"When is Aunt Ginny's birthday?" Easy--2 months and a week after D-day. "How about our nephew's graduation?" Four months after the last piece of trickle truth.

My memory stunk up until infidelity. Now, I have an unlovable date book....

You are one of the good examples of handling this.

I hope this will also be the reason for good beginnings that will make you say "good thing it happened".

Brother, just focus on you. STBX is responsible for all of her own actions regardless of what narrative she dictates to her group of supporting friends.
Hold you head high, get in a good mentally place and be yourself.
One day at a time.

Update:

Paperwork seems to be progressing. Will know with certainty soon.

I found a good video on heartbreak that has helped set my mind in the right direction relative to the loss of a relationship. The forum won't allow links but google "how to fix a broken heart guy winch"

Negative progress in getting over the distress of the affair. The images are still in my mind and, of course, I checked again for some reason. The images are getting more vulgar and further imply the activities taking place. Now I have a new thought/image burned into my head. Poor decision. Regardless of what seems clear/obvious there is still something so distressful in seeing the woman who was your wife a month ago turned into a dumb wh$%#. And the continued lack of a care towards her ex of a dozen years.

I'm maintaining efforts to improve and entertain myself. Physically I'm doing ok. Mentally, I remain a shell.

Looking forward to getting things signed and property moved as the next step.

The decision to divorce is twofold but the process of divorce is one single factor.

Deciding to divorce is the decision to end an emotional entanglement and change the very nature of a relationship. You change it from one that should be based on mutual love, respect, desire, goals… to something that is totally different. If you have kids then hopefully one of enough respect to successfully coparent, but mainly indifference. It’s also the end of expectations. Expectations like mutual financial accountability, fidelity, communications, cohabiting… You reached that decision long ago, even before you filed. That decision was the first step, the step than then made you file.

The other decision of divorce is the purely business one. The division of assets, debts and so on.

You have fired your wife from the role of wife. What’s going on now is a bit like some severance time before you can finally remove her name-tag, pack her coffee jug and put whatever she left at her desk in a box to have delivered to her.

Just like you might fire an employee that is constantly late to work…

Going over her photos and being frustrated and hurt by what she’s doing – when all she is doing is what you expected her to do based on her recent actions… Well… that’s a lot like driving past the former employees house every morning and being all bothered because his car is still outside and he is probably late at his new job. The job you have nothing to do or say about.

Stop pain-shopping. What you are dealing with is hard enough without it.

Thanks for the realignment Bigger.

Keep whatever past evidence you have in a safe place that isn't easy to access. If anyone asks why you divorced you can show them.

Then block her on all of your social media. I get the urge to keep investigating.

There's no need to play infidelity cop anymore. You already know what she is.

A better life awaits.