SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sordid -
I read your whole post. I don't think I have a problem with the idea of inconsistency in behavior from moment to moment, I think the DEGREE of inconsistency is at question. In a rational mind, there has to be a limit to the range of behavior that one would indulge themselves in. There has to be a no-go point.

It's my belief that in real life, no one is a single, unified mono-entity, who has consistent thoughts and consistent values and consistent beliefs all the time.

I go back to the idea of the range of personally allowable behavior.

A WS can love their BS in the moment, while they're together, and can make statements about the future that they truly believe. Then, hours or days or weeks later, they can see their AP, and talk shit about their BS, and make totally different statements about the future, and they will truly believe every word of it.

I question whether they TRULY believe in both instances. I can see in case such things being said to placate an individual in one circumstance and be truly believed in the other.

I agree minds can change, as can values and beliefs, but it would seem to me it would be done in response to some sort of stimulus. And I would question how high of a degree of change over an arbitrary period of time can occur in a ration mind absent some sort of major stimulus.

To me, the only question is whether there were ever effective moral/ethical/normative systems in place that kept the person from acting on their inconsistent desires, and if so, why they stopped working.

Which boils down to the question of "why?"

If one is brought up in a moral/ethical setting, you would expect the boundaries to have been established by that system at an early age and heavily ingrained. The question, without a doubt, is - why did those boundaries break down? What stimulus was present and over how long of a period of time that had sufficient influence on the ingrained ethics to cause them to be situationally overruled - against the exact type of behavior they were meant to prevent?

Or, as the question has been asked here so many times, why? What has caused this seemingly normal person who was brought up in a very Christian home and who is proud of and professes her Christianity to do something so utterly abhorrent to the very ideals and moral boundaries that learned from her earliest childhood?

Why?

So the big final finish happened tonight. I tracked her to a parking lot, where her car just sat for a while, then went to a store and returned to the lot. As it sat there, I wondered what the hell was going on. I figured she was with him, so I went to check it out. Sure enough, there was her car with his right next to it.

I called his wife (we've been talking for a few days now), and she suggested to go say Hi! and grab a picture. So, I did.

I told her not to come home tonight.

Heading home afterwards, she calls me in tears saying she is sorry. I agreed to let her come and grab some things so she can be gone for a bit.

So now all questions are answered, the story has been written. Onto the next phase of this little journey.

Truth be told, I feel pretty good. I actually am more relaxed now (it was quite the adrenaline rush!) It's over. No more marriage police. No more worrying what she's up to. No more walking on eggshells around her, no more of any of that.

Wantnomore, I’m both glad you’re feeling good right now, but also very sorry you’re going through this.

WTAF is wrong with these cheating, lying fuckers?? Seriously!! Why can’t everyone just have some integrity, kindness, and be faithful, FFS?!?

Sorry...I’m not having a good night...but I’m very glad that you’re feeling better about what the path before you is. It’ll still hurt like EFF, but I just know it’ll all be better in time...at least that’s what my hope is.

Sending you strength and (((hugs))).

One last time and you are moving on. Good for you!

Wantnomore, I’m both glad you’re feeling good right now, but also very sorry you’re going through this.

WTAF is wrong with these cheating, lying fuckers?? Seriously!! Why can’t everyone just have some integrity, kindness, and be faithful, FFS?!?

Sorry...I’m not having a good night...but I’m very glad that you’re feeling better about what the path before you is. It’ll still hurt like EFF, but I just know it’ll all be better in time...at least that’s what my hope is.

Sending you strength and (((hugs))).

My turn to send you strength and ((((hugs)))).

I'm good right now, I really feel good. I'm at peace.

I'm so sorry you are having a bad night. I'll be here for you just as you have been for me-you're in my thoughts, my friend!

[This message edited by wantnomore at 3:43 AM, Sunday, February 20th]

One last time and you are moving on. Good for you!

As my sig says, I'm dumb, but I do learn eventually!

For some of us, it just takes a little longer for our brains to catch up with our hearts.

What recording device are you using?

Good for you for confronting them. Nicely done!

Remember the ultimate goal moving forward is indifference. And I think you have a really good shot at it because your WW has shown you she is such a clichéd cheater and her behavior so pathetic over many years. And the tears and “sorries”, so fake. She obviously should be ecstatic as now she is free to live that wild youth she so desperately missed and put herself out on Tinder or other dating sites and party. And you can have some peace. Good luck.

Thank you! I'm probably not at indifference, but I'm a lot closer to that than I ever thought I could be.
I'm sure in the coming days/weeks/months I'll go through the whole range of emotions, but I see a clear path out of this now.

What recording device are you using?

It's a Sony ICD-PX470.