SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have somewhat lucid dreams, where I realize I'm dreaming and can choose my own actions realizing it's a dream, so I should have fun but I'm still not necessarily cognizant of who I am, or what's real, if that makes sense.

For instance, I was having a dream last night that involved characters from the Sopranos, my job somehow inolved fixing high school football games (indirectly), and at one point I ended up alone in a hotel room with the actor Chris O'Dowd.

So... the Sopranos characters didn't seem weird, my questionable job didn't seem weird, but I was aware that it was a dream and so I should make a move on Chris O'Dowd.

Until I tried to, and then got this sick feeling in my stomach and this thought, "But what about WH." Followed by confusion, because in my dream I was single and living in New Jersey, so I didn't know who that was or why I thought that.

Tried to make a move again.

"But what about WH? You don't want to ruin things with WH."

So at this point of the dream, I'm now backing away from a very confused Chris O'Dowd, as everything starts to disintegrate around me and I start to wake up.

Everything's been fine in reality, and the something like this happens and I start the internal dialogue loop of "How could you betray me?" even though I know how doesn't matter, because the reality is that he did.

Meanwhile I can't even have a dream about someone else, in a reality where WH doesn't exist, because my subconscious or psyche or whatever stops me from doing something that would risk hurting WH or hurting my family.

It's so frustrating, and it makes me so sad, and I don't know what I'm looking for posting here, but I think I just wish I knew a way to put the question of, "How could you betray me? Because I could never betray you like this..." to rest once and for all, because the reality is that he did, and depsite all the work on himself and the self reflection and answering all the questions, and making effort.....

How he could betray me will just never, never, never make sense in my mind, but I also realize it really doesn't matter, because whether or not it ever makes sense to me, he did it.

It's crazy, isn't it? During my M, I only had one hot dream with a man that wasn't my XWH. It was so long ago that I don't even remember which actor it was.

I accepted that I'll never understand why my XWH was able to be so despicable, and that's ok. He's out of my life now, so it's not in my face any longer.

I am sorry ibonnie. I think for me it is easier because I am not with my ex. R is hard.

Your WH will always have this on his conscious. But He has done a lot of work to become a better man for you…. And he gets to live with the fact he cheated. I imagine the shame never totally goes away, it just slips into the recesses of memory.

You are truly an admirable woman. In real life and in your dreams. Keep focussing on your future. Hugs.

Boy, before my W's A, I had a recurring dream about being in bed with the young Sophia Loren. Every time, before touching her, I sat up in bed and said, 'Where's plainsong? I'm supposed to be with plainsong.' After d-day, I definitely touched.

That's the only recurring dream I can remember. I don't think I've had it since I committed to R.

Is it really your H who keeps you monogamous? For myself, I haven't cheated because I don't want to be a liar and a cheat. I don't want to hurt my W either, but I suspect that I'd hurt my W before giving up my integrity.

I think some of us are just plain monogamous. Or maybe Chris O'Dowd isn't really who you want. Maybe I haven't cheated just because I've never met the wrong person.

And remember, actions are more important than words or thoughts.

I once had a very clear, passionate hot and heavy dream that I didnt want to have cone to an end. I knew it was a drema because the man was faceless. Not wh, different body. Hair etc. But yeah thr fave itself was blurred out. Not that I was focused on thr face mind you

I need mor3 dreams like that!
.lucid dreaming is fun and all until you realize your waking up and no amount of go back to sleep go back to sleep go back to sleep will get you there.

I learned to be lucid while dreaming as a child when I was habibg nightmares. My mom realized simoky waking me up didnt help. Talking to me while I wasn't conscious did. I learned to change the narrative of the dream/nightmare, while in it. Kinda like how in Harry Potter they manipulate the bogart from what they fear into something funny.

How he could betray me will just never, never, never make sense in my mind, but I also realize it really doesn't matter, because whether or not it ever makes sense to me, he did it.

EXACTLY . There is NOTHING about an A that ever makes sense!!!

The recurring dream I remember most is catching my H cheating on me with another woman...leaving him...and then having him wanting to come back into my life. Much like what happened with my 1st H. This started before Dday...and a little bit after it...but I haven't had that dream in years. My lizard brain was really trying to show me that something was OFF...but that blind trust kept ignoring what my body KNEW .

My H has often lamented over what he did. HE can't believe he had an affair because he ABHORRED cheaters . He HATES being a member of the "CHEATERS CLUB". He would do anything...ANYTHING ...to go back and not do what he did...but that can't happen. We have to LIVE with the CHOICES we make.

That brings me to THIS point. There are things I have done in the past that I WISH I could go back and undo . These choices I made...made some type of sense...at the time. Looking back though...I often think to myself..."What in the HELL made you think this was a good choice" ???!!! These weren't things I just dreamed about doing either!! I actually DID these nonsensical things .

NONE of us can go back and undo anything we did. The best we can do is to LEARN from our bad choices and CHOOSE not to go down that path again!! That will help us to make GOOD choices in the future . My H and I are doing this now...Thank God!!