I wish people had no tolerance for betrayal.
I think I understand what you're saying. Infidelity IS abuse. It is emotional and sexually abusive. And,often, there's financial abuse. I know some will say this isn't true. However,I believe most of us wouldn't have had sex with our WS,had we known they were having sex with someone else. I would not have consented. Therefore, I felt sexually violated. That is sexual abuse. And, if any money was spent on the AP during the affair, family money,that's financial abuse.
It's been over a decade. I will always bear the scars of his infidelity.
Abuse is abuse. Whenever a WW says her husband hit her, the response is overwhelming,that she must leave him. Now.
Yet, we have an entire forum dedicated to those who want to reconcile with their abusive WS. As long as they say sorry. As long as they work on no longer being abusive. As long as they act as if they're remorseful (and some are, it's not an act), we encourage them to stay married. Even,sometimes, when a new bs shows up,saying they want to divorce, some members(usually the same ones), talk about R,and try to make them see how that's possible.
So..I do understand what you're saying. Some abuse is irredeemable, while other abuse is accepted,as long as it stops.
Very few in this thread said its ok to speak to him,give him that ultimatum,and allow him the chance to work on himself,as a ws is allowed that chance.
The truth is..no abuse is acceptable. Ever. Not infidelity abuse,not physical abuse. Is she a monster,irredeemable, because she abused her husband? No. Is he a monster because he pushed his wife? No. She was allowed to stay,and work on herself. And,if she wants to give him that chance,to stay and work on himself, there's nothing wrong with that at all. But,just as he should end it immediately if she cheats again, she should end it if he is physically abusive again.
HowC..hugs to you. I understand that anger. It stayed with me,until my husband finally got what he did.
[This message edited by HellFire at 11:17 PM, Sunday, January 15th]