I am not my wife’s shitty choices.
I kept my vows.
I helped raise two awesome sons.
I didn’t get a vote on anything my wife chose to do.
None of what she did on her worst days reflect on me at all, in any way.
I chose to give her a chance. Offering grace was my call, and will never regret offering her a final chance.
I didn’t owe it, I don’t owe it. I can take my decision back at any time.
I wake up everyday and choose my path forward.
I feel no shame in offering grace, I feel no shame from HER sins.
As to that comparison stuff that automatically kicks in after discovery, that took more time to heal from.
As I continued, yes, people sure do have fun in the moment, but if anyone ever has any kind conscience kick in after the fact, it’s my wife who is ashamed of her choices. She finds no joy in reflecting on the pain she caused me.
AP was a family friend, our kids played together. He was a long time serial cheater who eventually, supposedly found faith and did the 12-step apology call to my wife, she didn’t accept his apology and she hasn’t forgiven herself either. Her pain doesn’t compare to mine, but it isn’t all rainbows for people who figure out how much damage they caused. I never suspected AP because he was a guy I could snap like a twig, he is a weak, weak willed, gutless person and is a far lesser man than me for betraying his wife and kids.
So, while comparison is the death of joy, he got nothing on me. He also got the lowest, worst days of my wife’s life — neither of them saw each other as anything than an escape. An escape with eventual consequences.
I don’t think my wife looks back fondly on her worst days.
Your complaints are very valid and extremely normal.
I hope you recognize your value and choose to stay knowing you’re the strong one, who processed the some of the worst emotional trauma anyone has to face in life and you’re still standing.
You’re a good man who chose to give his wife another shot. Ain’t no shame in that.
[This message edited by Oldwounds at 5:48 PM, Monday, January 16th]