SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'm hating myself today. I am in this limbo. We are working on reconciliation. Wife is doing everything I've asked of her. It feels like we are getting closer and healing is taking place. We are going to couples counseling with an infidelity specialist and I am going to a separate individual counselor for the same thing. She starts her IC soon. We have improved communication drastically even before starting counseling.

Today I started off good, but started thinking about things and this limbo now has me down. I've tried to push it off to think about later but it keeps coming back. There is so much conflicting information out there about what to do and what not to do, when to do it and when not to do it. I don't know what to do. It feels good to be with her and I love her, but on the other hand I worry if I'm wasting my time and should just get on with moving on.

I'm suffering at work, my production sucks. I try to focus and I just can't. I don't have anyone I can talk to. This sucks and just stresses me out more. I'm behind on important stuff. I just wanting to give up.

TP,
Posting your thoughts here is healthy and will help you process everything in the long run. You're not alone, and you have a whole community of support here. The library tab at the top of the page has some good material on managing your emotions when they get too painful.
Also consider reading "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. It's a bit on the self-help-y side, but offers real insight on managing painful ruminations.
You're on this train for a long time. Once you begin to see some relief, you should look hard at whether you want to stay in the marriage or reconcile. Only you can decide that. But you don't have to lock yourself into a commitment one way or another just yet. Take time to heal...as much as necessary.
Stay strong.

I agree fully with 1994. You are in a tough stage that nearly all of us are familiar with. My suggestion is to not make a sudden, huge move. Divorce, reconciliation, are both legitimate directions to take depending on what, 1st you want, 2nd what your spouse wants. Either way, there is no easy way through this terrible time. It is good you are here and talking.

Asterisk

I chose limbo for a while. It's ok to choose limbo. Would it be better to have a certain direction? Sure. Is sitting on the fence uncomfortable? Yes. Is it maybe comfortable enough that you want to be up there for a while and look at either side? Maybe.

Give yourself a break for the most part. Remember to take care of yourself. Maybe focus a little on your work productivity and less on your relationship (which I know is difficult to do). My work definitely suffered at the time.

Sorry you are going through this, but you are the one there on the ground, and whatever is working for you day by day is good enough for now.

Today I started off good, but started thinking about things...

Yup. That gets me every time. Everything seems cool, then I start thinking about things. Rumination sucks, but it's something I think we all go through in this situation. Just know that better days are ahead. As more time passes those intrusive thoughts do begin to diminish. All you can do is feel what you feel, roll with the punches as best as you can, maybe start a thread here, get some feedback and it'll pass. I know posting here has helped me a lot.

Is there something in particular stuck in your craw today? Whatever it is, someone here has likely gone through it, too. Sometimes just giving it some air and receiving a little feedback helps.

[This message edited by Pogre at 7:44 PM, Tuesday, November 25th]