SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

A brief history: I discovered the affair early November; it had been going on since June. WH subsequently admitted alcohol addition, is 80 days sober and been diagnosed with bipolar and in a hypomanic period during the time it happened. He says he’ll never stop being sorry, but also that he doesn’t recognise himself from that time period.

Things feel very different now. He’s attentive, the medication is starting to work and his moods are much more stable. It’s like the old him back. He lets me check his phone/socials whenever I like, says he understands that trust needs to be built back at its foundation. We’re both in individual counselling, his has been clear that he has to let me grieve and he’s giving me the space to do that/ I have periods of being happy and then I’ll suddenly come toppling back down thinking am I just being really stupid to believe he’s changed again. And then I remember how much he lied during that period and think "how do I know he’s not lying now?"…. It’s a real rollercoaster ride. I’m so resentful for being on it.

When he’s less calm, he makes out like I shouldn’t be so hung up on it after this time. I think it’s no time at all. He does apologise when calmer and agree…. I think I am right aren’t I, it’ll take years won’t it?

Years, yes.

Maybe never.

Do you believe alcohol/bipolar caused him to do this? Do you spend the rest of your life worrying he’ll go off his meds, or have a drink?

He knew what he was doing was wrong. But he did it, and went back for more.

He has a hole in his character. He has to get to the bottom of that, and fix it.

Best wishes.

[This message edited by Formerpeopleperson at 2:54 PM, Saturday, January 17th]

Years….absolutely. But, you will eventually feel better. And the WS wants this over far quicker than is possible.

Treat yourself with kindness.