DD was 9 months ago. My WH is in IC and is working hard and seriously on his issues. His behavior toward me has changed significantly — he is supportive, attentive, and empathetic. We are working towards R.
But: although he says that for the first time in our relationship there are no secrets left and that he experiences this as a great relief, he has a panicked fear that I might get in touch with his AP’s BS or obtain more detailed information about the A in some other way.
In particular, this is about a chat that he deleted completely immediately after the A was discovered (and before I could read any of it), but he doesn’t know whether it still exists on his AP’s side. He says he is afraid that being confronted with the details of the A could undo all our efforts toward R. He hopes (expects?) that I would refuse to look at this chat (or any other deeper information about the A) if I were to gain access to it unexpectedly.
It is quite possible that I actually would refuse, in order to protect myself and avoid retraumatization. But that depends, among other things, simply on the timing. And in any case, it would be MY decision.
(Context: There has been no contact with either of the two since DD; BS advised us both explicitely not to approach him, so unless one day BS changes his mind this is all rather hypothetical.)
Still, my WH's panic gives me an uneasy feeling. If truly everything were out in the open, then he could be more at ease, couldn’t he? WS perspective highly appreciated.
[This message edited by 7m46s at 10:30 AM, Friday, February 20th]
