SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I remember saying those words often during June throughout these 12 years since Dday...I HATE JUNE. My H had his A while working overseas. His A started around the middle of May and ended the day he left her country around the middle of July...68 days total. But in June my H talked to the adultery co-conspirator every single day. So EVERY DAY in June my H had some kind of contact with the adultery co-conspirator.

What a trigger this month was!! After Dday I made calendars for the three months of A season and put down as many details as I could for each day. Because of all of the expense reports...time stamped receipts...google timeline...etc...I could practically tell how long they were together. It was excruciating to see it all laid out...but I knew I had to know as much as I could in order to tackle this BEAST. I was going to FIGHT...for ME...and in order to do that I needed to know what I was up against.

My H helped fill in the rest. We went through all of the information together that I had gathered...and this would give him insight into what was happening on a particular day. I actually found out about the google timeline a few years after Dday...and except for a few dates that were a little mixed up...I was pleasantly surprised to be able to corroborate everything that my H had told me from his memory. Well...pleasantly surprised is NOT how I felt when I first saw his movements on the google timeline !! But as the years rolled by I have come to see that my H really was trying to help my mental state after he destroyed it...even though it was personally devastating to him to relive something that he saw as the WORST thing he ever did in his life.

I remember how I dreaded this month the most in the years that followed. Especially since I had 2 medical procedures during June while he was having his A. I travel with my H on the projects he works on...and was even in that country before having to go back to the United States for a family emergency. Since I was already back in the United States...an opportunity came up for me to have a few medical procedures done that I had been putting off because of our travels. My H was supposed to go to another country later in the year...and I needed to get myself healthy in order to go with him. He was so supportive about me taking care of myself for a change (his words)...and it encouraged me to get these long overdue procedures done. Of course...after I found out that he was having an A...and me going to meet him instead of having these procedures would have meant he had to end his A...his "supportive" words would later come to haunt me. Sadly...for me...June would always be a month of HELL.

Except...it isn't . Even though the consensus on here is that it takes about 2-5 years to heal...it took me about 7 years. I am a little slow I guess !! I would like to say I was thorough ! We are now in a different place...a different project...and much to my surprise...June 1st this year already came and went !! WOW!! I mean...I knew when June 1st was...but I didn't even think about it being JUNE that I used to hate so much!! One more thing I have healed from...and I'll take it !!!

Honestly...I started feeling sad when I realized it was JUNE...but also honestly...that feeling didn't last long . We are going to be going home in the next few days...and we will be having a get together with our kids and family...and that is something I am definitely looking forward to !! There is so much MORE to our life together than just the 68 days of the A. And truth be told...before my realization about this being June...I was actually ENJOYING this new place where we will be for a bit . I am going to dwell on what IS rather than what WAS...or I would waste THIS time together thinking about something that happened YEARS ago. WHY would I do that??!!

Well...I DID do that...for YEARS. Looking back...it was part of my healing process so I can't say that it was a waste. Our brains are pretty amazing...and my lizard brain...or limbic system...needed time to HEAL from the trauma. I would come on here and write what had happened during my H's A...it was cathartic . We haven't told anyone about my H's A...so the lovely people on here endured my writings so that I could get it out of my head and into the posts I made .

The AWESOME people on this site became like family to me . One day my Lil Bro challenged me to just STOP writing the details down. He was right...and I am very THANKFUL that he encouraged me to quit posting EVERY...SINGLE...DETAIL. I was making ruts in my neural pathways that kept me reliving the awful details over and over...and over again. So here I am today...looking forward to what June has in store for me !!

What brought me here today is something I read . God has been very IMPORTANT in my healing...the MOST important actually. What I read today brought back how supportive He was in my healing process as well! The devil thought he had me...and I did get very ANGRY at God at first. But thankfully it didn't last long and I have been truly BLESSED during this whole healing process and beyond ! This helped me today when I started feeling down...and maybe it might help one of y'all too .

Satan got Adam and Eve to focus on one fruit when God had given them a whole garden. That's how he works. He gets you to focus on the one thing you don't have instead of all the blessings you do have. Trust that God knows what you need and will supply it when you need it.

Good to hear an update Cuz!! If I can credit one member here for dealing with triggers, it's you. I had forgotten we have an overlapping A Season. When I saw this title I was reminded "Its June!!, shouldn't I be feeling something? The thing is, her A started June 30 with a stranger from a bar, she spent the 4th of July with her new AP. The next 4th I was numb, I'm just going to lay around and do nothing, how can I celebrate? I got talked into going to a neighbors cook out with some of their friends from out of town. We had a blast with these new friends. The next year we did it again and planned a couple weeks before, the year after like clockwork we all enjoyed the 4th.

Now when I hear 4th of July, my first thought is "what are we doing?". I look forward to it every year. The main lesson I learned from you is to own those dates, make memories, claim those places, take my Wife to that bar so she experience leaving with a real man.

Hope all is well and thank you for your contribution to my healing.

God must really love that "Lil Bro" who challenged you all those years ago.