SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I'd like everyone's feedback, betrayed, betrayer, etc. Please let me know which one you are just as a reference and context. You'll get no hate from me.

WW and I are on the road to reconciliation (26 year marriage - 18 month emotional and physical affair), despite 7 months of lies and trickle truths since Dday Nov 25. She had been looking at old texts and photos she'd saved but finally deleted all those a week ago because she knows it's holding her back from moving forward. She told me about this so I didn't have to find out like the other times.

Sucks to hear, but overall I think a positive move on her part.

Everything I'm SEEING shows she's doing the right things, being more intentional, working with her therapist on reducing her lingering attachment to her AP, going no contact, and sharing her location with me. I've asked her if there's been any communication since no contact and she's adamant there's been zero since Jan.

Yesterday she left the house to run to the store and left her laptop open. I haven't gone detective mode in a while but something told me to check her history. Nothing of note but there were some links to her linkedin account so i clicked them and saw that it was a page that shows who has been looking at your profile, and sure enough HE was there.

I did not find any evidence of conversations with him, no linkedin connection exists, but he definitely was checking out her page, which has really nothing on it.

My first instinct is that the only reason you'd go there would be to message someone, because you can't do it from your own message area if you don't have a connection. However, I have no evidence so I'm not going to chase imaginary rabbits.

What I did do was request a connection with her myself.
I sent it, then sent her a text saying 'hey babe, I sent you a connection request for linkedin :)'

She replied back 'ok, glad you told me. I never check LinkedIn'.

That's the part I'm having an issue in my head with: I KNOW you check LinkedIn because I saw your browser history. I KNOW you saw that HE was looking at your profile, but you didn't mention it and then you lied about never checking LinkedIn.

I need a bit of grounding from some rational people on this. I know if I read it back, it seems evident something is happening but I might be too close to the subject.

I'd love to hear how you would handle this. I feel like we're making such great progress, but...

I can't post a long post right now but wanted to touch base. I'm a betrayed husband, and I feel two things about this. 1 Trust your gut now and forever more, we learn to ignore this human instinct. Don't. Small lies are nukes now. 2 Be what you always wanted from your WW, honest and open. Sit her down and be open and honest. Good luck, I will check in on you later when Im not on my phone for sure

After all the time that she has lied to you, I wouldn't believe her either. Has she given you access to everythiing, including LinkedIn?

I'm sorry man.

I would be more concerned that she held onto text messages and photos for *that* long after DDay. I had to delete my old text messages with my AP from my laptop several times because BH kept re-downloading them on my phone to re-read, and I absolutely did not want that reminder of my shameful activities on my devices. I couldn't even listen to country songs for a while after DDay because they reminded me of AP, and I was trying my damnest to get over him as fast as I could. Even now, every time BH points out that I find a dude attractive because he has a mustache (AP did too), I feel a twinge of guilt and ick... But maybe it's different with someone you were affair-ing with for 18 months rather than 1 ?

How often is LinkedIn in her browsing history?

This doesn't necessarily mean she's in contact with him, but if she's checked LinkedIn several times recently, that was dishonest. That was the kind of weird and stupid lie that clued my BH in on the fact that something was going on with me. It could just be that she was there to look at his photos on LinkedIn and/or feel good about the fact that her AP was checking in on her too, and she was embarrassed of it. But that kind of thing would mean she's still not over AP even this many months later, so also not good. You're not being crazy.

I'm sorry this is happening and it's causing you so much distress.

BH here:

Are you saying that in her browser history there were multiple recent visits to LinkdIn?

Also, are you saying that one of the links in her browser history went directly to a page that showed him as a visitor on her page? Or did you have to poke around LinkdIn to figure that out?

If you had to click around to find out he looked at her page, that could be just him stalking her page and she could have nothing to do with it.

But if she has clearly visited the site multiple times recently, that is pretty hard to square with her text. And her hanging onto those messages and pictures is awful, that kind of evidence of residual fondness is another betrayal, as far as I’m concerned.

I KNOW you check LinkedIn because I saw your browser history. I KNOW you saw that HE was looking at your profile, but you didn't mention it and then you lied about never checking LinkedIn.

I'd sit down with her and say exactly what you wrote above. Nothing more. No accusations, discussions or arguments. Just the facts.

BH here. I wish I could offer you tech advice but I can’t about what is happening. But my spider sense is tingling here.

I know my partner, former WW, would find ways to game the system like "hey call me in my burner phone if you see that I checked out your linked in page." It bothers me that she said that she rarely checks it. How many times did she go to that site / log on.

My partner would call me on my land line at work around 5pm occasionally. If I was still there she knew she had roughly an hour before I was home. She called me on my cell phone 99.9% of the time. A female colleague that was in reception figured this out but did not say anything until I discussed D Day 1 with her in private.

Cheaters will exploit every weakness and leverage all technology that aids and abets.

Just my $.02

What unhinged said.

What does your gut instinct tell you?

Because it’s probably right.
Confronting is not something you may like because you are in the early stages, but is something you must do.

You want to be sure if there’s any reconciliation to be, is not something that is only wanted by you, while she keeps the same, just below the radar.