SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

BW, I'm sorry for your loss. I know how much you were looking forward to the baby. Take care of yourself.

AN OC forum would be a great idea....

(((((((((BetrayedWife))))))))))

We are praying for you!

OC was born in jan 2005 while i was in basic training. Me and H decided to work our marriage out b4 i left but while i was gone she moved in with the baby me and H are now in r and fow decided he wasnt allowed to have any contact with oc unless he left me and come back to her which he will not shes using oc as a pawn to have some type of power over us OW is a crackhead and recently gave birth to another mans baby but the baby was stillborn addicted to crack. Me and H are in the process of getting custody of oc because ow is unfit. Its been hard admitting to myself i have a stepson thats only one when me and my husbadn have been married 8 yrs but the oc Didnt ask to be born so i cant let him stay in a bad situation.

What a sad situation--((((stressedwife26)))).

It's pretty common for OW to use OC as a pawn and very painful and drama-making.

Good luck to you and keep posting.

Most OW's use the OC as a pawn. They figure it gives them negotiating rights. Yesterday I loaned some money out against H's advice and I told him that he doesn't have the right to tell me what to do with my money if he doesn't want me complaining about him giving OW money. He said that she would only get CS.

I laughed at him and told him he was naive if he didn't think she would use the OC to get what she wants. If she can't pay the rent, she will call him. If there's no food in the house, she will call him. All the time reminding him of the OC that lives there. He doesn't think this will happen, but it's started already.

I looked him in the eye and told him that OW had really lucked into finding a sucker who was willing to take on her other two kids. I also told him that she can't afford to let him go because she will now have three kids and what man is going to want her with her track record. If she does meet another man, chances are that she will have another child to try to trap that one too. I asked H if he ever thought about why no man stayed with her and that he should have listened to her BIL.

Now, he will get to know her true colors and he will slap himself silly. It really is pathetic to have a child by every man you date in the hopes that one of them will stick around.

scorpio--amen to what you said. Who taught these wacky women the way to get a man is to get pregnant? Their mothers? I wonder.

Would it make sense for your H take her to court for a child support order? This way he could establish how much and that's it, nothing more. He is absolutely not obligated to support her, only the child. Depending on where you live, you might get a better deal that way. I don't know, just thinking.

Our CS agreement specifically states no contact, no other expenses except what is mandated by the statutes, etc., etc. Also clearly states that our family's manner of living does not mean the OC has the right to the same standard.

I think my H will wait for her to go for CS when the OC is born. But she won't get much money since I receive CS already. But it's no one's fault but her own for having a child and knowing about his financial situation.

As for her mother, well, her mother was all for the A. And each time he left our home to go back there, they welcomed him with open arms. Maybe she will be that way with her own daughter. That's trash for you.

All I know is that he will no send any money if my kids have a need. They come first at all times. It seems stupid that she lives with her mother and they share expenses and they still have money problems.

Also clearly states that our family's manner of living does not mean the OC has the right to the same standard.

I really believe this but you know this has to be spelled out to them. I have always told my H that it doesn't matter if we are together or not, but the plans and goals we have for our children do not disapper just because he's gone.

I believe that she's due in the Fall, but over the whole summer, H has to prepare the kids for back-to-school. Since I want to go back to work, he has to share the daycare expenses with me. He offered to watch the baby but he has a problem with staying awake. No matter what, I'm keeping the CS orders intact and am not giving up any rights. We keep things separate and that's for the best. I have no intention of helping anyone else's kids but my own.

Scorpio our stories are so alike especially this part....

As for her mother, well, her mother was all for the A. And each time he left our home to go back there, they welcomed him with open arms. Maybe she will be that way with her own daughter. That's trash for you...

This girl just turned 20 hooked up with my h when she was 17 but my husbadn was not the first married man she seduced. She told my h that she was on the depo shot come to find out after she was pregnant she was never on the shot. So now shes getting pregnant by every man shes with and collecting welfare and pretty much killing her babies cuz shes addicted to drugs and one has already died. And my H son hasnt even been to the doctor since he was born. Her whole family live in sec 8 housing and collect welfare My H really picked a winner on this one...

Hi guys,

I'm substitute teaching but at lunch and wanted to make a quick comment.

As you know, my H had NC with OW/OC. He did have a court order for the CS requirements. FWIW, OW still sent him mail (via a PO Box he'd set up to keep her from having our real address)requesting help with additional "medical" expenses, buying a car, helping with legal fees when OC was arrested for B&E, blah, blah, blah.

He always ignored ALL of it; never sent a reply. So, I'd recommend doing the same unless it comes from an attorney. My H even ignored an attorney's request because it was nothing more than OW wanting more from my H beyond what was legally required (and hoped he'd be gullible enough to fall for the "threat"---he wasn't).

So, just be careful and know your rights, because if you don't they'll try to milk you for more than what they are "entitled" to. Of course, we all know they're entitled to a good swift kick in the ass....and they don't get that either.

Some time I'll tell you guys what H and I did with all those old letters OW sent, after I found out about the "A". Anyone want a good laugh?

We all could always use a good laugh.

H's OW is making lots of waves, upset that I'm not being "human" enough to understand how hard it would be for her to have me be around OC. Not my fault--that's the fallout from an A when the choice is contact with OC.

Someone called it babymamadrama somewhere--so true. No matter what the choice is when dealing with an OC, it's hard and painful and full of drama.

So post us a good laugh!

wimsey - JMHO, but I think your OW is unhappy because of the guilt she carries and the fear of what she is going to tell the kid when he gets old enough to ask why mommy is not married to daddy, and you are. You can certainly hold your head high, but can she???

I just had to tell my son that H went to the OW today.

H texted me this morning to say that OW was having a procedure done because the baby is in danger. Didn't he think that warranted a call?

Got me thinking, which we Scorpios are good for. Unless she was seen in the emergency room, then she and he was aware of the procedure. How come he tells me on his way there?

Then, I knew he didn't have the money to make the trip. And if it is an emergency situation, would OW be able to go put money on his prepaid credit card so that he can get up there?

I happenend to count my money and discovered some missing. Pieces of the puzzle falling into place now. He had to have taken it before he went to work, so he was well aware of the situation and didn't say anything. Didn't even ask to borrow the money, just took it. I know that his arguement will be that he knew I wouldn't loan him the money for that. You damn right I wouldn't have!

Come on, this is the woman that doesn't give a damn about my family, she just wants H and doesn't care about the consequences. And I'm supposed to care about her and what's going on in her life? I never wished for her to lose the baby or anything because I wouldn't wish it on anyone, but when shit happens, it happens for a reason.

I'm doing okay emotionally because I knew in my mind that I am going to continue my journey through life without him. Like my sister asked, how can I ever trust him? I can't and I don't. Doing things like this doesn't exactly build trust. And he has the audacity to complain if I snoop but I guess it's not the same thing when he helps himself to my money.

I feel, and have always felt, that if he wants to be with her, then be with her. I won't stop anyone from being together and it won't be the end of the world for me. I am already making plans for ME to continue on with my life and I know good things will happen for me.

To me, he made his choice when he went up there for her doctor's appts. At that time, he gave up the right to be involved in my pregnancy and I have kept it to myself. I don't plan on having him there when I give birth. All he has to do is give me funding, but I don't need another child phucked up because of his games.

I carpool some kids and they were talking about love. Imagine a 9 year old saying that love has to build. I was stupefied that they knew more than some of these men. My son told the other kids not to cheat on their girlfriends or wives because then they kids would hate them and want to kill them. This is what adultery does.

scorpio1:

God damn he has nerve taking your money! I hope it wasn't too much, since he apparently didn't have to go to the bank to steal it?

I'll post my "funny" story a bit later...taking the kids out to eat right now. Be prepared...some of you ladies may find it gross or offensive. My kids, however, howled their heads off when I told them.

Later,

BT

He texted me and said he used the money for a bill and that her mother paid for him to go up there. God help me if I ever have to buy a man for my daughter - even a married man!

Twokidsmommy, it would be nice if OW were guilty, but I don't think so. H told me that during the A, she expressed no guilt about going after a MM--she figures if the M is not sufficient to keep him from straying, the M is no concern of hers. Plus she is a VERY anxious, volatile person who couldn't accept that H wasn't leaving me for her, and they hung on for a long time (not excusing H--he is totally to blame, didn't have the wherewithal to just walk away--didn't want to hurt her too badly and had the fantasy he could let her down easily).

Of course, then came the pregnancy and she was totally hurt and shocked that he told me right away and that he was not there to support her during the pregnancy. Big mess, eh??

So if she gets guilty someday, that would be good, but I'm not holding my breath.

I don't think that it has crosses her mind yet what she will tell her son about why she and his dad aren't together. It has mine, but I haven't mentioned it yet to H--he probably worries about this already, knowing him. When she starts to fret about that, we will have more drama.

Sigh....

OK, first off, let me apologize right from the start if any of you find this offensive.

Now, keep in mind that H has kept this thing a secret for 18 frickin' years! He has, however kept records of all court proceedings, plus all the dumbshit letters and handful of photos OW's sent him over the years, though he never responded to any of them; she'd usually call him about once a year at his place of employment to "get his attention".

So, all this shit, come to find out, is up in a pile of other shit in the loft of our garage, stuffed into God only knows what (hubby is a confirmed pack rat). When the (real) shit hit the fan on 1/10 I told H I wanted to see anything and everything OW had ever sent him. Hubby dutifully complies and goes about the somewhat daunting task of going through 18 years of accumulated *crap* in the garage loft. Twenty minutes later out comes this decrepit looking manila folder with "Don't Look! Destroy!" written all over it. Now ladies, what is the first thing we would all do if said H had expired in an untimely manner and we found such an item?

So much for hubby's request....and thank heaven's I didn't have to discover that on my own after being widowed! (Teaching moment here: make sure you have OC properly addressed in H's will, so there are no nasty surprises. We intend to address that very matter immediately upon H's return next month).

Anyway, here I am, facing all these "demons" in the form of letters, attorney letters from OW, photos, etc. I decide that some kind of "exorcism" is in order....

Are you ready?

Hubby proceeds to hand me each item one by one. I proceed to burn each item one by one. But wait...there's more! I decide that a simple cremation just won't suffice.....soooo, we take said ashes (in their rusty hole ridden garbage can)out to the barn. There, in the privacy of our back paddock H and I both take a Wizz on them, after all, two Eagle Scout sons have taught me well. *Never* leave any recent fire unextinguished!

But wait...there's more!

Somehow,these now sodden ashes just didn't belong in my pristine garbage container, where all decent garbage goes...sooooo, we mixed them in with the horseshit in the wheelbarrow and dumped them on the manure pile.

The local farmer spreads the manure so OW/OC are now fertilizer for this years soybean crop.

So, the moral of this story is...do not despair. OW/OC have their usefulness after all.

[This message edited by BeeTrayed at 10:12 PM, April 28th (Friday)]

Bee, LOL!

Hi, I am a FOW with an oc, have lurked here for awhile but just joined SI. I dont see anyother OPs on this thread and dont know if I will be welcomed here. I am not here to cause triggers for those of you that are still in pain. I am also in pain and searching for healing and understanding of how I got here.

Please feel free to tell me to get the hell off or ask me the question you never had the oportunity to ask your OW.

May I politely suggest you try General?