SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have been seeing quite a few posts of people struggling with the fact that there is an OC involved in the situation and I thought maybe a thread where you can lean on each other would help.

My XH had a baby with the OW and even though I had divorced him, it hurt when he called to tell me (I am still dying to have my own children), so I can't imagine what you all must be going through. My heart really goes out to you.

(((((hugs)))))

Tonya,

I think that's a great idea! I have even thought we needed a forum. There is so little support and help for someone going through this out there, and it is diffently something that your not likley to talk about with friends and family.

As bad as it is when your S cheats to admit, it's worse to say they have another child because of it.

I am here, I have lived through this and I will help you in anyway I can.

Take Care,

NA

Hi NA I'm glad you think it's a great idea. I know there are quite a few on the board with this situation and I just wish they would post to offer support as well. Thanks for posting!! You can help many, I'm sure

I can't offer support yet--just 3+ months from D-Day and OC won't be here til Feb. We are trying to reconcile and it's going pretty well, but I know it will all change and probably for the worse after OC arrives. The issue of no contact just doesn't work if H wants to be a father to the baby, and OW is amenable to that happening with BS totally involved. Which remains to be seen.

I wonder if all this work in reconciliation will be for nothing in the end if I can't stand the living, breathing reminder of his A or the idea of OW being in our lives for years in some way.

To be continued. Love to hear from others on this thread. Great idea.

25W-

I won't say it's easy to make it through this, but there are MANY who do. There are as many different solutions as there are problems, and what works for one person may not work for someone else. I didn't really know how I'd react when I first OC, I thought she would be a constant reminder of the A also. But do you know what I saw? I saw a baby with all the sweetness and innocence that all babies are born with. I saw a child crying who wanted to be held. I saw a child that was hungry and wanted to be feed. I saw a lifetime of heartache, but I saw at the same time a child who needed comfort. I looked at that precious baby girl and because I looked for it, I saw love. Without hesitation or second thought, I knew in my soul this child would need all the love she could possibly get. I chose to love her, but she loved me first. She wasn't born with preconceived notions that she wasn't suppose to be here, and I for one, wasn't gonna be the one that ever put that thought in her head. She has her purpose in life, it's not up to me to question what that purpose might be.

Does it hurt? Everyday. I never knew a heart could shatter so many times, but she wasn't to blame. I put the blame where it belonged, on her parents. This was never this child's burden to bear, and I refuse to hold this baby hostage to the hate I feel at times towards OW and XH. She (OC) is debt free-she owes me nothing. I will not make her pay for someone else's stupid mistakes.

Of course, this is just my experience, I don't judge anyone for the way they feel. We are entitled to our own feelings and have ever right to express them. But I needed someone to love me when I couldn't love myself, she did. She accepted me at my absolute worst, loving her is the least I can do.

Take Care,

NA

Hi all.

My WS OC will be born on Nov. 12th. My WS and I are not doing too good, as he is still beig secretive ad lyig about things.

I want to work on my marriage for my daughter, ad he says he is being honest and wants to be with me, but the evidece suggests that he is still seeing someone new, not the OW who is havig the OC.

I feel like, eventually he will become even more cruel to me because of me staying and accepting this, but I fid it so hard to leave him, as we have been together since HS and he was my first.

I dont know what to do. My fear is that he will have another OC with someone else.

I am here to help support others and to get support for myself.

Great thread. The DNA test of OW, OC and OW H was done on 10/26. Still waiting for results, they will take a little longer than usual because the state ordered the test so they get the results first. If OW H isn't the father, they will test my X?BF.

If the test turns out the way we expect, I'll be a mess.

An oc support forum is a great idea except that the mods will have to work overtime keeping the trolls from those "other boards" from taking it over. The subject is way to sensitive to be handled lightly.

It is a great idea.

We do need to support and lean on eachother.

OW/OC situations tend to bring out the worst in people.

It helps to know there are others who have gone through it and are going through it.

It helps to know someone else out there understands.

Thanks Tonya.

OW's H is NOT the baby's daddy.

I guess welfare will want to test my X next.

(((CD)))

I'm sorry, words don't seem enough sometimes. Who knows whose child it is? One day at time, even better just one minute at a time. That's all we can do, it is what it is. Just focus on you and your healing, the stronger you are the easier the battle.

Take Care and let me know if I can help in anyway.

NA

I am so sorry cryingdaily. Big, big hugs coming your way. (((Cryingdaily)))

I am sorry too CD

(((((CD)))))

Tonya,

Great idea for a support thread. My H had an A and the OW is five months pregnant. I am going crazy. We have three kids together and I just can't imagine how this is going to fit into our lives. Time will tell I guess.

Thank you so much for the post Tonya. The OW is having a baby and got pregnant 4 days before my son (child #2) was born. My WH is done with her...because she created an obligation. His PA/EA went on for 2 years, and the last 6 months I constantly remarked how lucky he was she never got PG (they never used protection..I didn't know she was pg until recently). She told me she wasn't trying to get pg, but she wasn't trying not to.

I have decided to divorce him. It is very hard because he is trying to do what he should have done 2 years ago...it is too little too late.

I hate the fact that I wish she wasn't going to be born or that the OW would give her up. I am not a big enough person to go on with someone that treated me and our lives soooo poorly. He has ruined our marriage and with the divorce our financial life. She will be eligible for $600/month in child support.....He claims he wants nothing to do with the child and will pay the support, but I know it will weigh on him and I will have to make even more concessions in the marriage. He has already behaved so badly and this marriage is so fouled that I don't think I can ever forgive and trust him again. I still love him and desperately want our family to stay together, but I can't give him this anymore. I am giving way too much of myself to stay. I am probably not even at rock bottom, but with the holidays coming I can only imagine the emotional rollercoaster I am in for.

Hugs to all of you that have OC involved...if you can make it through you are truely brave, dedicated souls.

[This message edited by trying2bhappy at 3:33 PM, November 16th (Wednesday)]

Hello All,

I am/was in an OW/OC situation.

I have had my ups but mainly downs. I am here for anyone that needs some support. Pm me if you need me.

Just remember, YOU WILL GET THROUGH THIS. I did.

bump

I am late seeing this post but I think it is a great idea. The fact that not only was my husband unfaithful but that he also had a child by this woman, adds a whole different dimension to his infidelity. My husband has a 2 yr old son with someone I thought of like my little sister. So now there is a reminder of his infidelity.

I don't fault the child as the child is innocent. I fault my husband and the person(she is not a woman IMO) I thought was my friend. Maybe I will forgive my husband but I will not forgive her and I certainly won't forget.

18 yr of marriage down the damn drain for a short time of pleasure? I sure hope the hell it was worth it because our relationship will never be the same.

My heart goes out to everyone who is going through this tragedy. This is a pain that I cannot even comprehend. ((hugs))

OC is due in Feb and H wants to be involved with him. We are trying to figure out the first visit--of course OW doesn't want me anywhere near; our position is that we are a team and I need to meet baby as well. But for that first visit in hospital, I have some sense of how hormonal she will be. Maybe it'd better for H to just meet baby with a third party in the room or in a public area? Any ideas?

It's discouraging to read on this thread that so many people are divorced--I'm guessing it's becaue it's so damn hard to deal with all the issues of an OC.

Anybody reconcile successfully with an H who wants to be a father to the baby?

Help!!